To ask for all of my DD's baby clothes back?

[Tsubasa1]

Background= I have two SILs. SIL1 is particularly fond of lying, and I have caught her out many times over the years(but never confronted her).

I have been passing down my DD1's baby clothes to SIL2. The thing is she hasn't given any back, and now I'm having to buy a whole new wardrobe for DD2! The final straw was when I saw SIL1 at the weekend and her newborn (similar age to DD2) was wearing one of my DD1's hand me downs (that my DD2 should be using now). I was just shocked and I said, "that was my DD1's cardigan". -"oh yes" she replied. Then I said "I didn't get it back from SIL2". She says "Oh no she gave it to me for my daughter".

Then to my shock a few hours later she says. "Oh I didn't know this was your daughter's, I can give it to you" then I responded "You need to give it back to me". Then she rambled on about how she didn't know and this and that. But her first reaction tells me that she DID KNOW all along it was DD1s cardigan.

I expected SIL1 to be honest and bring back the baby clothes when my child might need them. It was our agreement to lend the clothes but always give them back. Instead they are passing them on to each other. Because SIL1's daughter and mine are similar in age, so if she gave them to me, SIL1 wouldn't be able to use them. I shouldn't have to be chasing them for every item, they should be honest and give them back. I think this incident will ruin our relationship forever.

I suspect SIL2 has given other items like blouses and dresses and shorts to my SIL1. I think they are in this together and decided to do that until I asked for the items back

YABU- let them do as they please and buy your DD2 a new wardrobe
YANBU- to ask for all the clothes back

Should I also ask for the newborn clothes that I don't need anymore back (sizes 0-9 months)? Just because I don't think they deserve anything from me? (SIL2 is expecting a baby in August)

No-one 'lends' baby clothes, you just pass them on. They'll get covered in piss, shit and vomit, and the poor mum won't remember who gave her what because they all bloody look the same. Just admit the fact that you don't like them and that's what's really going on here rather than making up scenarios to show that they are awful people. The awful person here is you.

I think it's fine to lend baby clothes. I've been lent them and have done the same. I will say you never get all your stuff back.
Did you ask for the clothes before DD2 was born?. If you didn't ask for them back they might have thought you have enough or were given more?

I think you should have asked for the clothes back when you were pregnant and reminded your SIL then that they had only been loaned. Given that you didn't do that, and have not said anything for (9?) months I think you are being unreasonable.

As for should you take back the newborn clothes despite not needing them nd your other SIL needing them I think you are being very unpleasant. If they mean so much to you to have back, despite not having a need for them, that you'll upset your SILs, then crack on. But you will look like a massive bitch.

I didn’t pass on any baby clothes until I’d had my last and didn’t want them back. Lesson to be learned there, I guess

I find it strange all this passing baby clothes back to the original owner. I’ve never come across it before. Clothes for young babies get soiled a lot and I can’t imagine them lasting until third hand.

I was willing to risk some items being damaged tbh just to be kind to them. They really wanted to borrow them and often comment on how they like my DD1s clothes.

Did you say at the time that you were loaning the clothes that you would need them back? If you say some time after giving the clothes away when DD2 was born that you needed them back, then it's too late to expect them back.

Go ahead and ask for them back. See what happens but don’t fall out over it. Just learn from this and don’t give them anything else. It’s annoying if they didn’t return them as agreed but there’s not much you can do other than request them back and see.

Are baby clothes in short supply at the moment or something?

It's not thoughtful of you. At all. It sounds patronising at best. I would write it off as a lesson learned. I was gifted lots of baby clothes and at least half of them have been passed on now. Some of them are probably 3rd or 4th hand now. Let it go; or you will be viewed as weird and grabby.

'I won't be so thoughtful again' Oh get over yourself love. You're not the victim here indeed you made someone else feel like shit in a way you didn't need to. Sounds like you think you're better than them

As you were planning another baby, I think it was foolish to give away/loan DD1s baby clothes. However the time to ask for anything back was as soon as you knew you were pregnant again.

It would be very mean-spirited to ask for things back that youll not use just to stop someone else having them.

This is bloody ridiculous. Second hand baby clothes don't last forever. When you lass them on there is every chance the "borrower" may shrink them, tear them, stain them, lose them. Because they are BABY CLOTHES. They are literally there to keep the dirt out and the crap in and to catch all the spew/snot/milk/half chewed food. They're not bloody heirlooms! These are clothes that WORK.

Now stop being ridiculous and go and buy a job lot off eBay for a tenner. And next time sell them on yourself for a reasonable price, instead of "lending" them to your SILs who you clearly can't stand.

YABU. You obviously weren't clear enough when discussing this with SIL. You clearly don't like her, so why lend her anything? Buy your kid some new clothes and move on with your life.

The clothes aren't newborn size they are more like in the 12 month to 24 month range. I gave them to her when I was pregnant! She knew I needed them down the line I told her so! @DanceMonkey19

It's not normal to ask for baby clothes back. If you wanted to keep them you should've just kept them! Your sister probably thought that as you gave them to her she was free to pass them on.
Buy your baby new stuff! After three babies wear your baby clothes won't be at their best anyway.

When I was pregnant her daughter was 1 years old

And "thoughtful" my arse.

It's only clothes! And they're family. I think you're being a bit OTT.

OP there no point asking for advice if you're not going to listen.

I won't be so thoughtful again tbh

It's actually not all that thoughtful. It's a lot of hassle for the person you lent them to. Baby clothes could be damaged, lost etc. If you needed them back it was silly to lend them.

It all comes down to to what you agreed before. You said it was a loan and you wanted them back, so you in should have been given them back.

The other threads on here always come back to what was agreed before. It has to be crystal clear and you've said it was!

Don't loan kids clothes. Why would you? Their baby might have ruined them all. My DS1 used to do bright orange poos that leaked and stained everything.....you wouldn't have wanted anything he'd worn back!!

You either give stuff away, sell it or keep it for future kids.

Let this drop and learn your lesson.

@loutypips I'm repeating myself here but I wanted her daughter to enjoy them before I had my baby. That's all

My SIL passed a load of baby clothes onto me. She recently had DC2 and I've been giving her clothes but not specifically 'her' clothes back - I don't still have them all, apart from a few things I'm not sure what came from her anyway. I've just been giving nice stuff in good condition, some of which may have been originally hers, most of which wasn't. I do think if you and SIL2 had babies at the same time SIL1 should have given you some stuff as well as her sister - though maybe she assumed you'd kept back enough stuff that you wouldn't need it - but I wouldn't get hung up on getting 'your' stuff back.