DD's friend - mum asking for childcare

[MrsAbigail]

I work term time. DD's friend mum has asked if I can watch her daughter a couple of days a week during the 6 week holiday  WIBU to day no!

I have 3 dc myself and her dd can be quite challenging and really hard work (I have had her over for tea a few times). I really don't know how to tell mum

Only on MN will folks suggest you agree to look after some one elses child who your not friends with

Yes, because that's what they do. They work ft and would never offer to do it themselves, but expect others to do it, entitled generation.

I did this at one point when I was younger and nicer. Was shit. Hated it. My 'friend's took the utter piss. Started of as having her 2 while she worked and this went onto me having them so she could go for a drink after work all the time or shopping at the weekend as she never gets a break.

This is it, the piss take.
My dd was H.ed during juniors, but had lots of friends from her infant class.
I would gladly cover inset days, snow days, and even have a couple of her best/ family friends if sick.
I could be at school in 10 mins, no problem.
I held regular playdates during the holidays, and really didn't mind, dd enjoyed it and their parents didn't take the piss, and were all friends.

Then, a load started asking, even from other classes, they knew I wasn't a child minder. They honestly expected to just ask/ tell me and I'd be obliged to do it.

Of course YANBU. Just tell her no. She is really cheeky for asking.

@spokeinthewheel

Couldn't agree more.
Bring the wrong child into the mix and it can cause ructions, that the OP will be stuck with.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter
I agree with you too.

I think its hilarious too that so many on here would definitely take onnthe childcare of a challenging child for a woman they barely know at tge cost of their children's summer.

Only on here.

In the real world...not a bloody chance.

@billy1966
I usually read these threads for the comedy element, intended or otherwise. Some of the answers are so outrageous I just sit here thinking who are these crazy ladies.

Obviously OP I think you should say no and enjoy your summer with your kids. What happens if you say yes and then decide to go away on holiday. You would then be the bad guy letting her down. Fuck that.

I usually read these threads for the comedy element, intended or otherwise. Some of the answers are so outrageous I just sit here thinking who are these crazy ladies.

I suspect that they are generally bitter, disruptive types who like to judge and goad for the fun of it - and I don’t believe that they actually hold any real
convictions - just enjoy the covert billing blood sport of devils advocate and derailing. Not specifically referring to this thread - but many on AIBU is where the “haters” hang out.

*covert bullying blood sport

It is cheeky. If it was a day or two, fine, but every week- no way. It limits what you can do - unless you own a minibus 🤣.

My DS’s best friends mum has asked me to have her son and I’ve said yes. I have 4 and he’s a lively boy, she’s a lovely single mum, and desperate. I’m not working so he can join my younger ones - BUT I don’t mind doing it and he is a really really easy child, mine love him, they never fall out. It will be fine for me. But if it’s not fine for you, just say “I’m not looking forward to an anxious summer with my 3, I can’t have another, sorry.”
My point is that I don’t think she’s a CF because this mother, from school, asked me and I said yes, I guess she thought it was worth asking.

Definitely not rude to say no but maybe do it soon. Then she's got more time to find someone. You shouldn't feel obliged. You're busy and she should accept that.

I don’t think it’s wrong of you to say no at all. I have 3 boys and the only extra kids I would have are my own nephews because I know them well. But 3 is more than enough for one person to manage and having 4 will restrict you greatly with trips out etc.

Please don't use any of the horrible options to say no suggested in this thread. Just say "I can't help you out, hope you get sorted".

This year is going to be hellish for people because of the holiday club situation.

We've had to call it because we had a date where we had to order supplies, and in particular, food by and the guidance is still currently that holiday clubs are not allowed to open - not even in school. We take around 60 kids a week in summer, most of the kids come for 2 weeks. We're also extremely affordable so our parents have lost a huge chunk of childcare.

Lots of more commercial set ups are still promising full numbers and have taken money. One of them even appears to be alluding to hiring school halls if they need extra space even though I know for a fact they've not spoken to any of the local schools.

The current guidance is no holiday clubs are allowed to operate. A lot of parents are going to be let down last minute.

It’s cheeky because it places a significant burden of responsibility and restriction on that person, with no advantage to them.

If DD’s friend’s mum asked, I’d be happy to do it. I wouldn’t find it cheeky at all. The person being asked can always say no.

Your friend should be asking her employer for unpaid leave if she cannot access childcare rather than coming to you. Say no it’s not possible and tell her ASAP. Employers have to be sympathetic to people’s circumstances during these difficult times.

What did you decide to do op?

Just say... No, it doesn't work for me.

@hulahoopqueen nailed it in the very first reply. Perfect response. You’re not her friend and her child is a handful. Don’t give it another thought. Say no!

"No sorry, I won't be able to help you out unfortunately. Have a nice summer". And walk away. No explanation needed!!

I think one way childcare arrangements are always a disaster for one person.
I had a reciprocal holiday arrangement with DDs friend and we did days each to get through the holidays . It worked well for years and we did an equal amount.
Unfortunately her hours changed one year so she didn’t need any help so just totally dropped the arrangement. Which was fine (I was a bit screwed though!)

“I’m sorry unfortunately I won’t be able to”
Don’t justify it because that will give an out, I can’t think of anything worth than half my week looking after someone else’s child for zero thanks. It will ruin your summer and there is zero benefit, your DD will probably be glad of a break too

“Sure I could use an extra 150 a week”. Should send her scurrying

If her child gets on well with yours then could you not consider 1 day a week? Or maybe a couple of days just 1 week. Just say you can’t as proj going to go and stay at relatives house or have Nieces for a few weeks. Honestly as a working mum even if I knew I had 1 week sorted out it would be huge weight of mind

I don’t think it was cheeky of her to ask, she may not have many options and it’s hardly normal circumstances. If you don’t want to then just say no but soon. Could you perhaps say you’d be happy to have her around for tea but not a full day or whatever? (Only if you are happy obviously)

You've done it before and it was hard work, she knows you've said yes before. I'm a mum of three, it's hard work. I'd maybe say that I could maybe do a day here, or an afternoon there, but i can't commit to anything regular because of plans over the summer. If I really didn't want to do it I'd tell her that I'm sorry but I promised my kids I wouldn't have others again this year because it's hard enough dividing my time between the three of them. But I'm terrible at saying no.