DD's friend - mum asking for childcare

[MrsAbigail]

I work term time. DD's friend mum has asked if I can watch her daughter a couple of days a week during the 6 week holiday  WIBU to day no!

I have 3 dc myself and her dd can be quite challenging and really hard work (I have had her over for tea a few times). I really don't know how to tell mum

[Nicklebox]

I would say no I have three and would find an extra one too much.

[tigerlilly22]

Just say NO!! She has a cheek asking you.

[Reluctantcavedweller]

Sorry, wrong thread!

[Reluctantcavedweller]

Imaginary children are so easy, aren't they? I never snapped at or said anything nasty to my imaginary children.

[Howyiz]

@LittleFairyCakes the difference with your situation is that it is reciprocal. In the case of the OP she isn't friends with this woman, her child is friends with their child.
The OP did a number of days last year and she found it didn't work for her. I agree asking doesn't make her cheeky but the fact that there is no return favour or payment mentioned means it is cheeky.

[littlecats]

I would think the only way you would be allowed to look after the child is if they social distanced which would be really difficult. Therefore I don't think you can help.

[FelicisNox]

YANBU. I agree with this statement:

"I’d just be easy breezy about it, something like “oh no, sorry I will already have my hands full with my 3! Hope you can sort something out!” And then leave it. If she turns CF about you being off work, stone wall her and start repeating “I’ve already said it doesn’t work for me, you will need to make other arrangements” and continue as needed".

[Carlottacoffee]

@jwpetal

You are well on your rights to say no with confidence and kindness.
She has asked for help and you can't give it. Thst is okay.
I don't think it was cheeky. She asked and you answer. If you feel guilty for saying no, I wonder why.
I believe in supporting women and if I can help, I do. I don't know what is happening in her life but she has asked. End of. No need to think bad things about her such as some have said.

I agree.

[jwpetal]

You are well on your rights to say no with confidence and kindness.
She has asked for help and you can't give it. Thst is okay.
I don't think it was cheeky. She asked and you answer. If you feel guilty for saying no, I wonder why.
I believe in supporting women and if I can help, I do. I don't know what is happening in her life but she has asked. End of. No need to think bad things about her such as some have said.

[LittleFairyCakes]

My friends and I all help each other in the holidays with childcare (all self employed so we try to work it out in advance and have a plan in our diaries of who is working what days etc and I try to take as much time off as I can so as not to be farming the kids out loads). This is a godsend for me as I dont have any willing family locally to help out so I can imagine how desperate the friend must be to ask...

That said.. I would hate being tied in to having someone else's child on a regular basis throughout the holidays as that would massively impact on my life and plans.

In your situation I think I would offer to do one day a week for her but be honest and say anymore would be too restrictive for you.

[Tinkerbell1980]

You've done it before and it was hard work, she knows you've said yes before. I'm a mum of three, it's hard work. I'd maybe say that I could maybe do a day here, or an afternoon there, but i can't commit to anything regular because of plans over the summer. If I really didn't want to do it I'd tell her that I'm sorry but I promised my kids I wouldn't have others again this year because it's hard enough dividing my time between the three of them. But I'm terrible at saying no.

[ECBC]

I don’t think it was cheeky of her to ask, she may not have many options and it’s hardly normal circumstances. If you don’t want to then just say no but soon. Could you perhaps say you’d be happy to have her around for tea but not a full day or whatever? (Only if you are happy obviously)

[Purpl]

If her child gets on well with yours then could you not consider 1 day a week? Or maybe a couple of days just 1 week. Just say you can’t as proj going to go and stay at relatives house or have Nieces for a few weeks. Honestly as a working mum even if I knew I had 1 week sorted out it would be huge weight of mind

[MollyMinniesMum]

“Sure I could use an extra 150 a week”. Should send her scurrying

[Jigsawpuzzles]

“I’m sorry unfortunately I won’t be able to”
Don’t justify it because that will give an out, I can’t think of anything worth than half my week looking after someone else’s child for zero thanks. It will ruin your summer and there is zero benefit, your DD will probably be glad of a break too

[Iverunoutofnames]

I think one way childcare arrangements are always a disaster for one person.
I had a reciprocal holiday arrangement with DDs friend and we did days each to get through the holidays . It worked well for years and we did an equal amount.
Unfortunately her hours changed one year so she didn’t need any help so just totally dropped the arrangement. Which was fine (I was a bit screwed though!)

[UnicornW]

"No sorry, I won't be able to help you out unfortunately. Have a nice summer". And walk away. No explanation needed!!

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

@hulahoopqueen nailed it in the very first reply. Perfect response. You’re not her friend and her child is a handful. Don’t give it another thought. Say no!

[Tistheseason17]

Just say... No, it doesn't work for me.

[Beautiful3]

What did you decide to do op?

[Passenger42]

Your friend should be asking her employer for unpaid leave if she cannot access childcare rather than coming to you. Say no it’s not possible and tell her ASAP. Employers have to be sympathetic to people’s circumstances during these difficult times.

[MintyMabel]

It’s cheeky because it places a significant burden of responsibility and restriction on that person, with no advantage to them.

If DD’s friend’s mum asked, I’d be happy to do it. I wouldn’t find it cheeky at all. The person being asked can always say no.

[lyralalala]

Please don't use any of the horrible options to say no suggested in this thread. Just say "I can't help you out, hope you get sorted".

This year is going to be hellish for people because of the holiday club situation.

We've had to call it because we had a date where we had to order supplies, and in particular, food by and the guidance is still currently that holiday clubs are not allowed to open - not even in school. We take around 60 kids a week in summer, most of the kids come for 2 weeks. We're also extremely affordable so our parents have lost a huge chunk of childcare.

Lots of more commercial set ups are still promising full numbers and have taken money. One of them even appears to be alluding to hiring school halls if they need extra space even though I know for a fact they've not spoken to any of the local schools.

The current guidance is no holiday clubs are allowed to operate. A lot of parents are going to be let down last minute.

[MyHeartIsInCornwall]

I don’t think it’s wrong of you to say no at all. I have 3 boys and the only extra kids I would have are my own nephews because I know them well. But 3 is more than enough for one person to manage and having 4 will restrict you greatly with trips out etc.

[vale46]

Definitely not rude to say no but maybe do it soon. Then she's got more time to find someone. You shouldn't feel obliged. You're busy and she should accept that.