DD's friend - mum asking for childcare

[MrsAbigail]

I work term time. DD's friend mum has asked if I can watch her daughter a couple of days a week during the 6 week holiday  WIBU to day no!

I have 3 dc myself and her dd can be quite challenging and really hard work (I have had her over for tea a few times). I really don't know how to tell mum

[TinySleepThief]

Op's friend will have to find paid childcare or give up her job...but you dont ruin someone elses summer break so you can keep working

That's the problem though it will be the women who loses her job, it's so very rarely the man. I couldn't imagine saying no if I knew someone would lose their job as a result no matter how difficult the child was. Yes it might ruin my summer but losing an income will have a much worse impact on that child's life.

[RedElephants]

mumwon ex Childminder here too..
I now work in Primary.. going back to work next week.

I have been working from home, taking CPD courses, not sat doing nothing.

Reading this I'm pretty sure I'll be asked by one particular family if I can help out during the holidays

I also have a feeling I'll be asked to work at school during the summer holidays also..

Although my children are late teens, early 20s, I'm not sure I want to forgo my summer for either of them.. and if that makes me selfish so what

Op you have 3 kids of your own, more than enough in my opinion,
I'm alsogoing to have to think of the words to turn them down..something I'm not very good at

[user1487194234]

I have always worked but for a few years when the DC were little I was very part time and worked from home
I was quite often asked to take other peoples kids to school or pick them up 'you are going anyway!'
Always said no,
But I did often help out in an emergency
I had chosen to cut my work (and my pay ) to spend tine with MY children !!
Say no and don't give it another thought

[BurtsBeesKnees]

The whole point of working term time is so you can spend tome with your family during the holidays. Not to provide free childcare to friends.

A simple 'no sorry, that doesn't work for me' should suffice. If she gets stroppy or pushes the subject them I'd strongly contemplate the relationship with her.

[Magic2020]

These are very difficult times for a lot of people - maybe say you can't do that much but offer to do just 2/3 days over the 6 weeks to help her out?

A bit of give and take wouldn't inconvenience you that much, and she may be desperate - however 2 days a week for 6 weeks is a bit over the top. She may well reciprocate for you one day when you need your three taken care of though!

Obviously if anyone's shielding in your household, then they take priority.

[Blackbear19]

I find some responses on here staggering. It's 12 days, 2 days per week x 6 weeks. People are going on like it's full time care she's after.

Nobody knows what is round the corner. 2nd wave, 2nd complete lockdown. Kids in school part-time.
Sometimes it's good to be able to call in a favour.

OP I'd do it. Just set the ground rules with the child.

[Splitsunrise]

If you don’t want to do it (which is understandable) then you have to be assertive and say so. Especially if she’s a challenging child!

[Needtolovemyself]

@TinySleepThief

but you really can’t see why it’s cheeky to ask a not that close friend to provide you with regular free childcare for the whole summer?

Like I said, normally it would absolutely fall into cheeky fucker territory as there would be multiple other options.

However if you dont have close fiends or family what are you meant to do? There are no alternative options even if she wanted to pay for childcare there is unlikely ro be a space for her child this year.

The fact the women is at the stage of asking her daughters friends mum should show how desperate she is.

Maybe have some compassion, we're about to be inundated with threads. Unfortunately tons of parents (mostly mums) will have no option but to leave their jobs because of this situation.

I totally agree with this comment. Say no, but please be nice about it. She is probably going to lose her job.

[stealm]

I don't think it was rude of her to ask. I suppose it depends how she asked but the OP doesn't describe this and probably would have done if she asked in a rude manner.
I think a lot of people are really desperate. They have to go back to work but there is no childcare available and are looking for all sorts of solutions. I think there will be a lot of this going on and some people will be able to look after someone else's child for a couple of days a week but it depends on your own circumstances.
It doesn't work for you with the 3 children you already have so just tell her that. If she's a real friend she will understand.

[Brieminewine]

If your dd enjoys her company you could offer to take her for a day or two out of the six weeks but I wouldn’t want to commit to a formal arrangement.

[Thisisconfusing]

Don’t assume that childcare/ holiday camps won’t be running in the summer holidays.

At our school we have doubled our usual holiday camp provision and are looking to add more - all within the education COVID19 guidelines of course . I don’t think that it has been announced it yet because we are still finalising the details and making sure it can be as safe as possible. If we can do it - others will. Schools will want to make up for all that lost socialising time and income from clubs / renting out school halls. I know some of the commercial providers around here are advertising for summer camps -they have changed their activities to fit the guidelines . But with the guidelines constantly changing it is a moving feast. The primary school provisions changed nearly 100 times in the run up to the reopening after half term. So there may be summer holiday provision where you are.

On a personal note - I would be happy to do an adhoc arrangement to cover a mate when they are stuck for days here and there . But I wouldn’t commit to two days a week for six weeks unless it was someone very close to me whose child has grown up with mine such that they are in and out of your house anyway and you know what you are taking on. it’s not fair on you or your family and you will come to resent it. Also it sets a precedent for future holidays. Little things will come to rankle eg if that child is a fussy eater , if you get invited elsewhere and they have to tag along at a cost to you, or if the child doesn’t get on with one of your others. I had this one of my DS didn’t get on with my DD best friend - so there was lots of arguing when they were little. It just wouldn’t have worked.

[GU24Mum]

There are thousands of older teenagers who will have nothing to do this summer and who would be perfectly capable (not all of them of course!) looking after someone's child probably pretty cheaply. My DD has had her work experience and NCS cancelled and is trying to line up voluntary work or speak to the families she babysits for and see if they need some ad hoc help. She's the younger end of the scale - all the uni students who would normally have had summer jobs/gone away are likely to be around quite a bit.

[GU24Mum]

PS: I initially read it as two days rather than two days a week and still thought "no". If the other child would be an easy guest, I'd probably have said no to the regular commitment but offered 2 days of your choosing - but as she isn't then it's fine to say no.

[MrsAbigail]

Didn't expect so many replies.

She is dd friends mum. Not a friend of mine, just say hello at school that's it.

The reason I work term time is so I don't have to ask other people to watch my children and it's not the first time she has asked, I actually watched her a couple of days last summer holidays and it was too much.

[heartsonacake]

So just say no

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

Agree that this year is slightly different, but you aren’t being at all unreasonable to decline.

Everyone who is affected by this, or is worried about those who are- please PLEASE consider sending an email to your MP. It’s women who are going to take the hit over this issue, I haven’t heard about ONE man worrying his head about who’s going to watch his children this summer.

Please. It’ll take less than 10 minutes and it’s easily the most pressing issue for working parents at the moment.

[notapizzaeater]

Just say no, if it was hard work before it won't have got any easier

[oldspaniel]

Good luck op, when my kids were little I would often get myself into child minding situations I wasn't keen on. I always think the best way is to tell the truth without hurting nd leave no negotiating room for her. "Ah she's lovely, but honestly I'm run ragged with my own three I don't have the energy, hope you find someone".

[SummerDayWinterEvenings]

No I'm sorry. I have enough with my 3 DC -I couldn't cope with anymore, sorry!

Done

[Bin85]

Was she going to pay you in any way?

[DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld]

Say no or you will be sorry. You are not even friends so she is being VVVVVVVVVU for even asking you.

I cant do that I have enough on with my 3. Bye.

Dont say sorry because you have nothing to be sorry for.

[myusernamewastakenbyme]

I bet all the people telling op to do it are the ones who feel no guilt about pushing their kids onto others themselves !!!

[Thisismytimetoshine]

I'm not sure why asking a friend who you know won't be at work is cheeky
I'm not sure why you think it isn't? The children are friends, not the parents.

[Saz12]

Sounds like you’ve already decided you’re not going to do it, so just tell her now.

Personally I think you’re making a mistake: there are so few childcare options for the holidays, it seems harsh not to offer to take the kid for even one half day a week. And impose some “rules” when she comes round so she isn’t as much work!

Also, what happens next school year if there are part time hours for a few weeks and you need childcare?

[Thisismytimetoshine]

She's not making a mistake .