Why would this woman split up two families?

[Ihavetochangemyname]

I've got a bit of a weird AIBU and probably wouldn't dream of airing this in real life but think it's one that the MNetters would be helpful with.

I appreciate its a first world problem and if it bothers me so much don't engage with social media, etc, etc. But I have read it and it's bothered me so much this weekend I can't stop thinking of it. Here it is.

A couple of years ago I met a nice lady socially, via Slimming World. We hit it off. I didn't see her outside of SW, but always sat next to her and chatted. I left SW about a year ago and desperately want to go back when it reopens for group. We were friends on Facebook and I commented on her photos, the usual. She seemed very happily married, two lovely kids.

Anyway, she's not an oversharer on FB, but I noticed she'd put sad emojis up which she doesn't usually do. After a bit of probing around it appears her husband has left her for her best friend and next door neighbour!! He's moved in next door with the neighbour and her son, splitting up two families.

I'm mortified, it's none of my business, really isn't but I'm so sad I can't stop thinking of her. I'm appalled that a woman can do this to another? Am I just totally naive?

It's fucked up but it happens frequently.

Are you not appalled at the husband?

Why aren’t you appalled at the husband??

Yes of course I'm appalled at the husband, I'm appalled at both of them.

Why are we worrying about the woman next door, and not the husband of your friend?

Why is it automatically the woman's fault? With respect, you know nothing about either marriage and it's rarely as clear cut as "Marriage-wrecking woman steals another woman's husband who would otherwise have stayed and they would all have had a perfect life".

So the husband had no input in splitting up his family?
The woman is no saint but she can’t split up a family by herself, the husband is the one to blame for splitting up his family, not the woman. She is to blame for her own family

Why would this woman AND MAN split up two families.

Furthermore, I don't really get what we're talking about here.

All due respect but it sounds like the husband left her for someone else, accepting that this person also has a child. That's where he wants to be, and the woman involved has accepted the risk that she has destroyed her friendship with her neighbour and friend, forever.

Everyone involved are adults and have accepted the risks.

Yes of course I'm appalled at the husband, I'm appalled at both of them.

Why is your title and post all about the other woman?

Yes, she did a shitty thing. He did a worse thing. You have some internalised misogyny you should look at.

Agree it's a terrible story but also agree with pps, why only focus in on the woman, surely the man is more to blame as he was the one married to her?

Bloody women eh

So you can't understand why the evil neighbour lured the poor unsuspecting husband away from his lovely wife?

Or you can't understand why this man would do this to his wife and quite literally on the doorstep too?

Also, and I say this kindly, you need a hobby. After a bit of probing around it appears her husband has left her for her best friend and next door neighbour!! a bit op? Exactly how many profiles did you have to look in to find all that? Bout a woman you don't know well enough to ask are you OK?

Well yes of course it's both of them as others have said.

Although if my husband had an affair, best friend seems worse than stranger. For me anyway. I suppose it's that double betrayel.

They'll be getting a huge buzz out of being star crossed lovers and being together despite all the chaos it has caused. I'd love to say it will calm down and wear off and they'll both be thinking what the hell have we done but sometimes it doesn't and they live happily ever after.

My XH had an affair and while at the time it was hell, I'm glad to be rid of someone who clearly didn't care enough for me. Now I'm years out of it I'm a bit more zen and accept that people do fall out of love, fall in love with others and shouldn't spend the rest of their life living a lie by staying with their original choice to avoid upsetting them. Because ultimately that resentment will shine through and it won't be a happy marriage.

There are very many ways to make a break up kinder and less hurtful though but no doubt they feel like Romeo and Juliet and nothing is more important to them at the moment than getting what they want.

But, yes, I do wonder why you have focussed on the woman splitting up the families rather than the man?

It usually takes two to break up a marriage. And I don't include the Other Woman as one of the two.

YABU for blaming the female neighbour, while the husband gets no mention!

Your stance on this is odd. The title and the wording of your OP is all against the woman. Why?

I wish there was a way of editing.

Almost all have missed the point of the post, focusing on my error in not being equally appalled by both parties.

I wish I'd never posted. What an unpleasant place this is.

It’s a man who has done this to her, not another woman.

Yes both him and her have been shitty, but it’s also shitty to express horror at her behaviour and not at the husband, who is the person who actually made promises to your friend.

Sting ran off with the next door neighbour. She was single at the time.

Both of them are selfish scumbags.

It wasn't an error, it shows that you have internalised misogyny. Lots of us do - it's hard not to in a patriarchy. There's no way to say this without sounding as patronising as fuck but instead of getting angry with the mean women on Mumsnet, use this to reflect and grow.

I used to have much more internalised misogyny than I do now. It is possible to educate yourself out of it.

I don't think OW is an innocent in these cases, she and the errant husband share the blame. Particularly so where OW is also married, such as this case seems to be.

However where the OW is a friend of the wife, I do think that's extra appalling, yes. I don't know how someone could do that to their friend.

I am already extra appauled with the husband in all senarios, thats a given.

It wasn't really an 'error' though was it? An error may have been only referencing the woman in the title, but your OP has just the woman in the title and in your last line.