Was this a cruel comment or AIBU ?

[Flipfloptanlines]

My 3 children are by 3 different men. Not how I expected my life to go but it happened.

First child I had when I was 16. The dad and I get on great but we were too young and didn't stay together. No issues at all, always managed to co-parent throughout our daughter's childhood.
In my early 20s I got married. My second child was born and totally planned. I was then widowed totally unexpectedly aged 26 My heart was broken. I didn't think I would ever recover.

I recently married my second husband after years of heart ache after being widowed. We have formed a really loving and close family. We have an 8 month old baby. I am finally happy again.

I have a friend who I have been reasonably close to since university. He is happily married with 4 children.

I text him this morning to wish him a Happy Father's Day and he replied and said
'Busy day for you, with all those baby daddies', then lots of wink emojis and laughing faces.

I am mortified.

Was this an awful thing to say, or am I over reacting? It has touched a horrible raw nerve. Today is hard anyway, without someone cracking a joke, let alone this person being a friend and knowing what I went through. He has made me feel cheap. Until this comment, I haven't considered myself to be cheap. I have 3 fantastic children, a great career and life is good again.

AIBU to never speak to him again?

YANBU, that was really shitty and judgmental. Your family set up is your own business, and it sounds like you have done well to find happiness and security after a terrible tragedy. He’s an arsehole for poking fun at that.

What a complete and utter prick, and I hope you tell him so. Find a new friend.

That was very mean of him given he knows the circumstances (even if not it’s still a low blow). Has he got form for being so rude?

Yeah that’s not funny’, it’s unkind and hurtful x

That was a dreadful comment to make. A true friend would perhaps stop and consider that you might find today painful. He’s an arse

It was a joke, if he's a good friend I'd tell him it was too close to the bone and you didn't like it. I'd have laughed and said fucking harsh dude ease up and my bestie would have apologised.

I totally get that you were upset and why, if he is a good friend I would tell him that comment upset you.

I think it was an ill or not at all thought out jokey comment - not intended to be taken in a negative way against you. (As you very well know, having children by multiple men does not make you cheap- whatever that means).

Yeah really uncool and nasty, especially considering he knows one of those "baby daddies" has passed away. Yanbu.

He would no longer be a friend , that’s a horrible thing to say considering your circumstances .

What an absolute dickhead thing to say! YANBU at all OP.

Yes it was a joke but due to the bereavement involved it wasn't on. In my opinion

He's not a friend, he's a shit. The only thing I'd do is make it explicitly clear why you're dropping him.

But why would you text a friend to say happy father's day? That's a bit weird.

He was massively insensitive. I suspect that maybe he didn’t quite realise what he was saying, and may be kicking himself now - unless he has form for this sort of thing. Most importantly, you are not in any way cheap.

Cheap shot!

Really horrible. Is he usually an arse or did he just make a really unfunny insensitive joke?

Tell him that he hurt you badly since he must know that one of your "baby daddies" is dead.
And then just drop him - no dramatics, no message to say so, just withdraw.

What a cunt.

I’d reply- not so busy what with one being dead.

I’m sorry he thought that was an okay thing to send.

Thank you.

He's not close enough to be called my best friend, but he's close enough to know today is always a bit painful.

My actual best friend and I are always ripping each other to shreds with our jokes, but she would know full well that's not a funny joke, and I don't think it'd even cross her mind?!

It's one of those comments that has stayed with me all day, and has got me wondering if that's what people think of me.

It's tactless if he knows one of the fathers had died.
If he doesn't know that it's a fair comment if if thinks you have 3 lots of cards and presents to organise.

Of course you are not’cheap’. You are a survivor. You have good reason to be proud of yourself.
He has shown himself to be a bit of a twat. If that is a total surprise to you - I.e. you previously believed him to be a generally good friend - then perhaps it’s worth holding up a mirror for him ( tell him that was a twatty thing to say and why). Otherwise just accept - painful that it is - that he is too small and stunted a person to be your friend. Don’t internalise it.

IF your children had 3 dads who were still around, it would be a bit of a misjudged joke, which I would forgive. Given that you were widowed it is very insensitive and inappropriate.

Aw. He got that really wrong.

Maybe don’t reply but also consider cutting him some slack. It wasn’t an OK comment but he got the tone wrong and won’t have meant anything nasty by it.

That was a shitty and horribly Insensitive thing for him to say.

@ConstanceSalinger
Only because him and his wife had to have IVF to have all their children (2 sets of twins), so it is always a big deal for them after alot of heart ache.

He isn't usually insensitive, occasionally a bit close to the bone but this was something else.

@Scarydinosaurs
That's actually a great reply. I'm going to message him now and say 'not very busy considering one of them is dad, but thanks anyway' and then not respond to him again. I hope maybe his wife might explain to him why I won't be speaking to him again if he doesn't get it.

He was thoughtless but I don't think he meant to imply you are "cheap". I get your upset but I think that bit is you allowing your own fear of people thinking that to creep in.

He was completely unreasonable for many other reasons though!