Was this a cruel comment or AIBU ?

[Flipfloptanlines]

My 3 children are by 3 different men. Not how I expected my life to go but it happened.

First child I had when I was 16. The dad and I get on great but we were too young and didn't stay together. No issues at all, always managed to co-parent throughout our daughter's childhood.
In my early 20s I got married. My second child was born and totally planned. I was then widowed totally unexpectedly aged 26 My heart was broken. I didn't think I would ever recover.

I recently married my second husband after years of heart ache after being widowed. We have formed a really loving and close family. We have an 8 month old baby. I am finally happy again.

I have a friend who I have been reasonably close to since university. He is happily married with 4 children.

I text him this morning to wish him a Happy Father's Day and he replied and said
'Busy day for you, with all those baby daddies', then lots of wink emojis and laughing faces.

I am mortified.

Was this an awful thing to say, or am I over reacting? It has touched a horrible raw nerve. Today is hard anyway, without someone cracking a joke, let alone this person being a friend and knowing what I went through. He has made me feel cheap. Until this comment, I haven't considered myself to be cheap. I have 3 fantastic children, a great career and life is good again.

AIBU to never speak to him again?

He either has a very dry and dark sense of humour or he’s a fucking arsehole.
Only you know which one he is.

I'd reply... aren't blended families the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. Have a great day.

Or... Reply.. Grow up..

Okay, I’ve read the effing thread and I can safely say that you should not under any circumstances contact this prick again.

Insensitive is an understatement. He is a spiteful, nasty, hurtful, selfish little bitch who cares about nobody but himself. Let him sit in his little world where he is the star of the show and thinks he is gods gift. People like this narcissistic cunt never learn.

Ultimately you slept with three men
And got pregnant three times.

That's a chance you take every time even on birth control.

Men just walk away from kids everyday of the week.

Women deal with the aftermath.

You friend is a dick.

You sound amazing.

What an insensitive prick! I'd have to message him back & call him on it. Hope you had a nice day, regardless of him. X

I think YABU.

Your life is what it is, a mix of circumstance and sadness, which has seen you bring three beautiful children into the world.

It's your reality. Own it. Be proud of it. You are more than a sum of the people you slept with.

That’s a horrible thing to say. One of your kids dads died! That’s awful 😫

Because he is a MAN, he gets a fucking gold medal on a podium and can be as insensitive and hurtful as he like, AND get to tell you how to react to his statement, because it is FATHER’S DAY and he is the DUCK’S NUTS! Meanwhile... you are a lowly woman, and have to suck up his hurtful statement and minimize your feelings, etc... Has he ever said something thoughtful like “Happy Mother’s Day” to you? I’m guessing it has slipped his mind. Wanker.

Yes to telling his wife. Obviously someone needs to explain to him that he’s not Jesus.

@malbec pretty sure being widowed at 26 and your child having their father die is a bit more traumatic than having to do ivf

That is probably the single nastiest thing I have ever read, you vile person. Infertility is heart wrenching. My husband was never the same again after our IVF.

Are we actually playing suffering top trumps here over whether it's worse to have your husband die than it is for a man to undergo IVF?

I agree that some of the comebacks suggesting taunting the OP's repulsive 'friend' about 'firing blanks' are appallingly cruel. But I'm not going to pretend for a moment that taunting a widow about 'all her babydaddies' on Father's Day, and fnar fnar-ing in a way that makes her sound like the town bike, is anything other than a monumentally cruel, stupid and disgusting thing to do. The fact that he may conceivably envy her ability to conceive naturally does not make it one jot less ugly.

Arsehole. I would block him. I hate these pricks who have a range of tropes to insult people with in place of a sense of wit and not the decency to apologise when they invariably get it wrong.

The bereavement made this especially unacceptable (even if you had an ongoing back-and - forth of this sort of humour) but the lack of apology would be the kicker for me. Misogynistic tosser.

Oh, and you sound awesome. Please never feel cheapened again.

@Malbecblooms

I'd send a gif firing blanks with a smiley face. See how funny he finds that.

That is probably the single nastiest thing I have ever read, you vile person. Infertility is heart wrenching. My husband was never the same again after our IVF.

His joke was ill thought out (probably does hurt him though to think his friend could have kids on every relationship & he had to go through the trauma of IVF) but no one deserves that.

Sorry, no. As someone who went through IVF I can’t see anyway that successful IVF is remotely as heartbreaking as losing your husband at 26

He has his family now. The OP will never have her late husband. Her child will never have their father. To mock that is nasty and vile

His joke was ill thought out (probably does hurt him though to think his friend could have kids on every relationship & he had to go through the trauma of IVF) but no one deserves that

Sounds like you are condoning the joke due to his infertility issues Malbec. Very handmaideny.

offs. how insensitive given you were widdowed.

nasty anyway without being widdowed.

Hi OP,

You sound like a lovely person. Sending your friend a text wishing him a happy fathers day is such a nice thing to do considering the struggles they had with IVF.
I am very sorry to hear you lost your husband. I am glad you have found happiness again.
Who is anyone to judge you, nobody can tell where life is going to lead, you have done nothing wrong.
I can't believe the insensitivity of the text your so called friend sent you, that could not be classed as funny in anyone's book. But actually his response to your reply is just as bad, not acknowledging how thoughtless and hurtful it was.
I think you are right to cut him out of your life. Unless he comes to his senses quickly and apologises profusely he will be no loss to you.
Be happy and forget about that loser

Some of these replies!

‘To clarify; you are ‘pulling my leg’ about my husband dying?’
Fuckin post screenshots of his behaviour on any social media platform he’s on, tag him, make it public.
The male is slut-shaming you, mocking your children, and acting like your husbands death is entertainment to him. He is the scum of the earth, there’s no way to misconstrue the scums intent, believe him, share who he really is.

(I mean no one would think of you as a ‘slut’, (which is a word that means a woman who acts like a man in one area...meant to shame women. Fuck that.). I meant this specimen thinks that having kids by three men is shameful and wants to humiliate you for his own entertainment, hence his message. His message was not a joke, it was bullying. He’s scum.)