Was this a cruel comment or AIBU ?

[Flipfloptanlines]

My 3 children are by 3 different men. Not how I expected my life to go but it happened.

First child I had when I was 16. The dad and I get on great but we were too young and didn't stay together. No issues at all, always managed to co-parent throughout our daughter's childhood.
In my early 20s I got married. My second child was born and totally planned. I was then widowed totally unexpectedly aged 26 My heart was broken. I didn't think I would ever recover.

I recently married my second husband after years of heart ache after being widowed. We have formed a really loving and close family. We have an 8 month old baby. I am finally happy again.

I have a friend who I have been reasonably close to since university. He is happily married with 4 children.

I text him this morning to wish him a Happy Father's Day and he replied and said
'Busy day for you, with all those baby daddies', then lots of wink emojis and laughing faces.

I am mortified.

Was this an awful thing to say, or am I over reacting? It has touched a horrible raw nerve. Today is hard anyway, without someone cracking a joke, let alone this person being a friend and knowing what I went through. He has made me feel cheap. Until this comment, I haven't considered myself to be cheap. I have 3 fantastic children, a great career and life is good again.

AIBU to never speak to him again?

What a dick. You deserve better friends than that. Did you reply?

very very cruel IMHO

It’s an awful thing to say, especially as you were widowed.

I personally am only judgmental of people who are cruel or extremely negligent of their children, it is none of my business how many fathers are involved. But you, OP, sound like you have had a very stable and orderly life. I'm sorry for you and your child's loss but glad you now have a good companion.

Wow I’d be staring open mouthed at that message. It sounds like you have a lovely, happy relationship now certainly worth celebrating today for, but I would have to reply to that and let him know he’s hurt you. That is really too raw to say, however long has passed after your husband’s death. Nothing cheap about you or your situation, it sounds like you’ve had a really lovely family in difficult circumstances at times. You feeling like this all day is so far from what you should have been feeling on this father’s day. I’m sorry.

What a knob!

What an utter prick.

I’d definitely use @Scarydinosaurs reply.

What a disgusting and unnecessary thing to say. Especially given your middle child's father, your much loved first husband, has passed away.
I'd have to message back and say how hurtful and inappropriate his comment was. You can decide wether to keep the friendship based on his response.

You are not at all cheap. He is rude, inconsiderate and way out of line. Your life is none of his business. Hugs to you.

A horrible, thoughtless ‘joke’. I would reply saying that he’s really hurt your feelings and give him the opportunity to apologise.

I'd just text back: "Ouch!" or "Yikes!"
Some guys need to be hit over the head. Too many words and they get lost. Keep your reply short and to the point.

But YANBU

That is awful. If he has been a friend for a long time, perhaps you could reply something like "I don't find that funny." and/or the immortal "did you mean to be so rude?".

It would be a really shitty thing to say even without the bereavement. What a horrible comment and YANBU to be upset.

It would be rude to say to anyone. It's incredibly hurtful to say knowing you lost your husband. Awful. Has he got form? If he is normally kind, I'd tell him he really upset you and hopefully he will profusely apologise. If he is often unkind, I would cut ties.

Absolutely horrible thing to say, especially as one child’s father has passed away. What the hell is the matter with him? Not funny at all.

Seeing as one of your "baby daddies" died that's a horrible comment to make and I'd tell him so.

I like “did you mean to be so rude? “

Short and sweet .

I’m gonna play devil’s advocate. Maybe... he really struggled with ivf and is in some way jealous that you got pregnant by three different men - as in you didn’t have any fertility issues. Some kind of manhood worry or something. Maybe it was all about him really and feelings of inadequacy. And nothing to do with you at all. However, it’s still a dick thing to say

Ugh he sounds awful. Say what dinosaurs suggested and - when he replies - ignore it and don’t engage again.

You’re better off without people like that in your life!

My mouth is still open in shock after reading the full thread. That is an unacceptable comment. I wonder why he wants to put you down when you were sending kind thoughts to him. Does he do that often?

FFS what an absolute prize bell end! Don't be mortified you've nothing to be embarrassed about. But be upset and furious with your friend!

Wow what a prick! It's fine to have children by different Dads as long as the children are looked after! He sounds an absolute banker especially as he knows the circumstances leading you to have children by different men

Wanker*

If he's usually a good person, explain to him why that's hurtful (though God knows it should be obvious) and give him a chance to apologise. He might have made an error of judgment as we all do. If he pulls that "just a joke, oversensitive" stuff, cut your losses. You're a widow, you know just how much you can cope without.