Text made me so uncomfortable

[fleabagismyspiritanimal]

Long term user, name changed for this.

So, a while ago, my company got a new CEO. Nice chap, family man etc.
Sometimes works out of our office as more local to his home then HQ.

First time I met him I was dressed very casually, with my hair in 2 long plaits, some jokes were made. But office is very casual so no one cared.
Overtime he started to use me (I am the office manager) as a sort of PA, I'm good at what I do, and he valued my input and I figured, what the hell, possible career climb.
Comments kept getting made about my pigtails and how pretty I am. But I could never find anything inherently wrong and asked a guy friend who said he didn't feel it was inappropriate but more banter.

Cut to now. I've been furloughed for a few months. Office is starting to return.
Cue a text from said CEO, to my personal phone, saying "hi ---, hows furlough been? Missed your pretty face around the office the last few months..."
Second message slides in
"I have some policy I could use your input on, but only if you wear your hair in those pigtails...."

It's made me really uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.
This feels like a step too far. It was one thing when jokes were made, and silly comments in company emails but this is my private phone.
I'm not overreacting am I?
I haven't replied yet.

Urgh. Inappropriate. I'd not be happy.

Really inappropriate.

What do you want to do about it?

Yes it's inappropriate and you are right to feel uncomfortable with this.

What a creep.

I'd be tempted to reply, "Hi, this is fleabag's husband. She's not well at the moment. She'll contact you when she's better. Meanwhile, I don't think that's an appropriate way to talk to her, do you?"

Completely inappropriate. I think my immediate response would be ‘I beg your pardon?’

How big is your company? Good HR?
It’s inappropriate. I would probably reply and make no reference to the flirty creepy tone. I’d also change my hair when he was in the office as a kind of message that I found it creepy.
I expect people will come and give you good advice.

'Hi ---, thanks for the text, furlough has been fine thanks, I am really looking forward to getting back to work. I'm, of course, more than happy to help with input to new policy etc. Please let me know any way I can assist. I am, however, uncomfortable with references to my physical appearance in a work setting and would feel a lot more comfortable if we could keep correspondence strictly professional in the future. Thanks for your understanding, Fleabag'

Its defo inappropriate and stupid of him to have put it in writing. Good for you that he's put it in writing if you want take it further though. I'd reply with a very clear to the point, matter of fact message like... I find your text inappropriate and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Don't delete his message or yours.

Actually I much prefer @Sn0tnose response....'I beg your pardon?'

How big is your company? Do you have a HR team?

Hi, this is fleabag's husband. She's not well at the moment. She'll contact you when she's better. Meanwhile, I don't think that's an appropriate way to talk to her, do you?

Why does she have to pretend to be a man to sort this?

Can she not say it’s inappropriate herself?

Ugh. How did he get your personal number?

Do you have a HR department? I'd be inclined to comment that I find it strange that he's commenting on my appearance and I find it inappropriate for a professional relationship.

It's horrible though, hope you're OK

Keep evidence of all this stuff and if you have a manager ask for a 1:1 and get it documented now that you're uncomfortable and want it to stop. If you trust your manager you could ask their advice how to respond. I say this because you need to protect yourself in the event that this spirals - so that 'harmless office flirtation, I thought she liked it/she reciprocated' can never be used against you.

Yy to I beg your pardon.

WTAF. Has he lost his mind? That email is totally inappropriate and creepy.

Forward it to his boss?

I'd also wonder where he got your personal number. Unless you gave it to him he shouldn't have it. He certainly shouldn't be accessing your details.

Definitely creepy as hell.

Thanks for replies.

I'm not sure how he got my personal number.
It could have been given out as my work phone has been switched off for furlough.
But I've been accessing emails in that time so this is really unexpected.

I think I've left it to long for an 'I beg your pardon?' Response now. It's been several hours.

Company is nationwide. Could go to HR. Just wanted to ensure all my views are shared before I do.

Not just inappropriate but it's shocked me and I feel annoyed and disappointed. I'm working my butt off to get up the ladder and all it takes is one pervy man to knock it down. If I go to HR then this is on my record right? What if I'm not backed up? He's the CEO.
Only person above his is the chair and they appointed him. I'm an Office Manager of a local division.
Not much comparison really!!

I wouldn’t engage in anything like “I beg your pardon” as this could be interpreted as welcoming flirtation. He’ll read it in the tone he wants.

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness

Hi, this is fleabag's husband. She's not well at the moment. She'll contact you when she's better. Meanwhile, I don't think that's an appropriate way to talk to her, do you?

Why does she have to pretend to be a man to sort this?

Can she not say it’s inappropriate herself?

Yes, of course she can say that herself. The advantage would be that she's not keeping his seedy talk a secret and is making it clear that her husband knows about it and is shocked by it. In an ideal world she can say something herself, but it can open a conversation, then, which she wouldn't want or need. People like this rely on people keeping their secrets.

I’d ask HR for some advice before you do anything.

If a female boss was inappropriately hitting on a male what would the male say?

''Missed your handsome face around the office, i have work but only if you come in with your hair in that lovely quiff/those tight trousers ....''

Answer?
Sorry but I don't think that's really appropriate. If you need me to work please let me know [what/when ect.] Thank you.

he would NOT get his wife to wave her virtual fist at the boss.

I'd reply

"Him thanks for enquiring. However the remainder of your message was highly inappropriate and has made me feel quite uncomfortable. Additionally, please refrain from using my personal number (which I don't recall giving to you), and use my email, as per all work communication up to this point"

He’s the CEO, and while that’s inappropriate it’s not an outright sacking offence, especially since you seem to have gone along with similar jokes over email/in person, so he’ll say it was just banter.

So realistically I wouldn’t complain or directly challenge him on it: even if people agree with you, and even if he apologises, you won’t “win” in any sense.

I’d ignore the flirty bit. Just reply saying furloughs been fine thanks, will be good to get back to work.

Once you’re there, be professional but distant. Any comments like that, respond with a frown or raised eyebrow, or sort of pointedly ignore them.

Hopefully he’s just a bit of an idiot and will back off once he realises you’re unimpressed.

But in case of any other issues - keep a detailed record of anything inappropriate and of your interactions with him.