AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

Used them with mine, what's the issue? Safety first

I think the backpack type are ok. We used those, and they would put their little cars and things and a drink in them, they loved them. But the ones I think are bad are the ones that go on the wrist as it's harder for them to put their hands out if they suddenly trip (also the backpack type have stopped a few falls in the past).

DS never managed to undo his. I'm not sure he tried much though - the whole idea is you give them a bag where they can keep their favourite toy/snack and they want to carry it. Reins a good is trying to fight out of are no good for walking anyway...

I used a wrist strap for DS as his older sister was disabled and used a wheelchair. Consequently he walked everywhere from quite an early age and the only way to keep him safely by my side was with the strap. I really didn't care what other people thought - although most of them were probably too busy staring at DD to even notice DS's reins anyway!

I think like a lot of baby things bottles/dummies/ear rings people say it’s about safety but actually it’s about class.

I think like a lot of baby things bottles/dummies/ear rings people say it’s about safety but actually it’s about class.

I doubt that reins are about class. it is safety concerns, pure and simple.

So it’s fine to judge mothers who don’t use reins, but not ones who do?!

No-one is judging parents who don't need reins. We are judging people who judge those that do, and rightly so.

Those are the ones DD has!
She loves them because wings/space to keep Happyland people and a water bottle

She's so enamoured of them that I don't think it's occured to her to try and undo them, and by the time she did I'd have time to grab her anyway

I used them briefly with ds when he was first walking and wanted to escape. They're brilliant. I would use them now (he is 2) but hes good at holding hands so no need.

As for the dog comments: I did tell at my ds to "heel" a couple of days ago... didnt work, reins were more effective

@confusedbymyheritage

I am neither pro not anti reins as I don't have kids and don't know enough about them to make a judgement.

I do have a question though if someone will humour me.

For a bolting child (one trying to get away rather than one who might just amble off and get out of reach) wouldn't they just take the backpack off a then bolt? Surely they need to be fastened into the reins in some way they can't undo them?

I had reins that clipped shut at the back very tightly for this very reason I think I might have put them on him backwards to make them more secure but they were reins not backpack plus strap.

I don’t get the dog analogy - you put a dog on a lead to stop it endangering itself and others (human or animal). How is that different to the reason you use them on a toddler? A lead isn’t a punishment or degrading for a dog or a human.

I think they’re great, and I remember having them on myself...!

Using reins was the norm at one time. In fact it probably would have been frowned upon NOT to use them.

I think like a lot of baby things bottles/dummies/ear rings people say it’s about safety but actually it’s about class.

Erm, no. Earrings perhaps. The rest, no.

I swore by reins. I even used them to clip my little escape artist into the stroller because they clipped behind his back and stopped the little bugger climbing out then running off.

[quote DC3dilemma]**@MrsTerryPratchett* Thank you. It’s a position I came to through the humbling experience of my second child. Prior to his arrival, I was the greatest parent in the world*. Hah.

Fate has given me 3 very different children.
1- the timid hand holder who is never far from me and has to be prised from my hand to allow me to to do anything
2 -the wild child who’d run into traffic to chase a leaf and would never hold a hand (reins positive)
3- a very sensible almost 2 year old who might actually strike the balance between 1 and 2

This mixture has made me very aware that the way we parent is more about the individual children we’re parenting than any laudable parenting ethos we subscribe to. And that’s ok.[/quote]
So unfair I had a wild only. I never got to be smug!

I'd rather see a child on reins than one in hospital, or worse.

I used reins for DS and never knew people had issues with them until I saw it on here

I don't like that they are necessary sometimes, but that is more being anti-car than anti-reins.

My DC are adults now. I always put them on reins when toddlers. I am old enough to remember the tragic James Bulger toddler. If he had been on reins he would be alive today. One of my children who I thought had grown out of such things, aged nearly four, ran into the road. She was ok, but it could have been very different.

Nothing wrong with them.
DS was a runner when he was younger. Reigns gave him a bit of freedom to toddle ahead, but gave me control to stop him running into danger.

I swore by reins. I even used them to clip my little escape artist into the stroller because they clipped behind his back and stopped the little bugger climbing out then running off.

I had to do this too. I also had to use the body bit (without the actual reins) to keep mine attached to her chair at the table with her booster seat when she was too old for a high chair. (Never mind swear by, I certainly did plenty of swearing!) 😁

I don’t mind the backpack ones. But I would never use them myself.

For a bolting child (one trying to get away rather than one who might just amble off and get out of reach) wouldn't they just take the backpack off a then bolt?

DS1 managed to undo his one day but it took him a few minutes so I had time to notice and stop him, I did notice straight away as I had eyes on him at the time but I let him follow it through to see if he actually could undo them. I stitched a wide band of elastic over the top of the buckle to stop him getting access to the clips and he never managed it again.

I am old enough to remember the tragic James Bulger toddler. If he had been on reins he would be alive today

Please don't speculate on the murder if a child by implying his mother could have prevented it by making "better" decisions. Denise Fergus has been through enough without people on MN playing "shoulda woulda coulda" with her tragedy.

I used them for my DS who to be honest was an absolute nightmare. He was an escape artist, blink and you missed him. I spent so much time running after him and failing to catch him that it became a joke amongst family and friends that he would one day win the Olympic gold for the 100m sprint.

Reins were a life saver and I never had any negative comments, even if I did I'd rather have had them and kept my child safe. He's much older now and thankfully much calmer with it

I read on another thread something that stuck with me. The poster said try holding your arm up above your head for ages. That's what it is like for a kid holding hands to walk with a much taller parent, no wonder some don't want to do it for long.

My nephew is almost 3 and he has reins or his tail as he calls them
He needs them. My other nephew or my DD didn't. They weren't darters.
He's like Usain Bolt, running off, and it s a tad unfair on having them stuck in the pram if they're out all day.