AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

I have 3 children, only the middle one needed reins. Ignore judgey people -they think they know everything based on their limited experience. Every child is different, and if your instinct is to use them, you are probably right given that there is no one more expert on your child than you.

This thread has just inspired me to buy backpack reins for my 16 month old.

I tried a wrist loop on DS - once (he was a very nippy toddler).

The first thing he did once we got to the pavement was run around a lamppost - I realised it would be more trouble than it was worth.

I’ve never understood the ‘dog on a lead’ objection. My dog is on lead when we’re walking on the pavement because she has no understanding that cars are dangerous. She’ll walk beautifully for 10 minutes then step into the road without a pause because a leaf looks interesting. When we’re somewhere safer I let her off.

I’ve always thought that those who are most vocally anti reins strap their 12-24 month olds into prams most of the time rather than letting them walk.

I didn't realise (until I got them) how many people hated them and thought I was so cruel to use them.

After DS1 who would stick rigidly by my side 24/7, I had a couple of bolters, and I wouldn't have them by a road without reins on. It just minimises the risk. In the same way they have a seat belt on in the car, or a helmet on a bike. My job is to keep them safe.

Also, stopped a few banged heads along the way, as they tend to trip up a fair bit too. A quick yank on the reins and they are back the right way up again

@Glowcat

I’ve never understood the ‘dog on a lead’ objection. My dog is on lead when we’re walking on the pavement because she has no understanding that cars are dangerous. She’ll walk beautifully for 10 minutes then step into the road without a pause because a leaf looks interesting. When we’re somewhere safer I let her off.

I’ve always thought that those who are most vocally anti reins strap their 12-24 month olds into prams most of the time rather than letting them walk.

Haha!

Me ‘DS if you keep trying to run off I’m going to get a dog lead for you’
DS ‘ooooohhhh yes! Woof woof’

Toddlers have less sense of danger and self preservation than many dogs do. And even if they’re generally sensible, they still have sudden unpredictable lapses in judgement or concentration. It takes a split second for a tragedy to happen and reins help prevent that and keep children safe.

Great thread! Haven't read it all but fantastic to see everyone is pro reins! I think they are the height of practicality, that little bit of autonomy so they learn balance etc, hands free control of their safety, lets them run around a bit. What's not to like!

I wouldnt walk my dog on a road without a lead and having to hold their hand or put them in a buggy is far less freeing for them. Plus of course you won't spill your coffee!

but from a behavioural point of view, I would say that it somewhat prevents a child from being able to discern danger and learning to self-correct.

That is utter bollocks @BertiesLanding
People who are anti reigns are either monumentally stupid, are extremely vertically challenged, have very docile children or have such a tight iron grip on their toddlers hand that it must hurt them.
Anti reign people make me very cross.

Much comfier for them not to walk with one arm up and for your back.

This ^^, plus DH and I are tall, and didn’t fancy having to bend over while walking – hence my vertically challenged comment. They also saved many a scraped knee because we could haul DD up without hurting her before she hit the ground.

@Yeahnahmum we didn’t have the luxury of living anywhere where we could find a quiet street with wide pavements. We lived rurally on a country lane with no pavements. I don’t agree with your points at all

I always remember MrsPresley’s story as well. I’m glad that it has helped some parents see sense.

My parents used reigns on me and my sister in the early 1960s BTW.

I used reins because my son could walk at 6.5 months and he could undo his straps from the pushchair at 7mo. No child has a sense of right/wrong and boundaries at that age. It was the safest option when we were out and about unless I wanted him constantly running away!

I didn't use them, but I think they are great.
I have especially appreciated parents' use of them in airports, when I was in a hurry, dragging luggage and could easily have tripped over a toddler that darted into my path - hurting both of us!

I used reins. I got comments about dogs and other such inanities. My child, who had to learn how to hold their own neck up and how to coordinate their own legs first, didn't run in front of cars or bikes. I know which result I prefer. Our young are abysmally incapable compared to other species - it's better to think of them as being ejected from the womb early and continuing foetal development outside it.

I remember wearing reins as a toddler. I loved them! I think they allowed me freedom but also made me feel secure. We also had dogs so maybe I felt like I was just one of the pack I remember feeling very sad when I outgrew them.

@DC3dilemma

I have 3 children, only the middle one needed reins. Ignore judgey people -they think they know everything based on their limited experience. Every child is different, and if your instinct is to use them, you are probably right given that there is no one more expert on your child than you.

This is a great post. People who only have biddable, slow approach, leg-clingers will never understand those of us with danger-babies, who flee at the slightest provocation. DD would go from 0-60 in a second. No warning.

I don't know why people have an issue with them either. We bought a pair but never ended up using them as DS even as a young toddler was ridiculously obedient and is an only child so holding his hand wasn't an issue. If we had had a bolter or more than one child to hold onto we would have used reins.

@MrsTerryPratchett Thank you. It’s a position I came to through the humbling experience of my second child. Prior to his arrival, I was the greatest parent in the world. Hah.

Fate has given me 3 very different children.
1- the timid hand holder who is never far from me and has to be prised from my hand to allow me to to do anything
2 -the wild child who’d run into traffic to chase a leaf and would never hold a hand (reins positive)
3- a very sensible almost 2 year old who might actually strike the balance between 1 and 2

This mixture has made me very aware that the way we parent is more about the individual children we’re parenting than any laudable parenting ethos we subscribe to. And that’s ok.

Reins are brilliant. Used them a lot with dd1, who wanted to walk everywhere from about 13 months. We were living abroad at the time and other parents used to ask me where I’d got them. (Mothercare mail order then.)
Hardly ever used them with dd2, who never wanted to walk anywhere -
was mostly taking her ease in the pushchair like a mini Lady Muck.

I am neither pro not anti reins as I don't have kids and don't know enough about them to make a judgement.

I do have a question though if someone will humour me.

For a bolting child (one trying to get away rather than one who might just amble off and get out of reach) wouldn't they just take the backpack off a then bolt? Surely they need to be fastened into the reins in some way they can't undo them?

They fasten at the front like a harness.

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My parents used reigns on me and my sister in the early 1960s BTW.

The Tufty Club recommended reins.

I've been having the reins conversation with one of my sons about their toddler, and I have recommended them, even though I remember my mother using them with me as a toddler, and I absolutely hated them!

If I had been able to find any in the shops when mine were that age (70s) I would have bought them, for safety and peace of mind.

@Glowcat

Couldn't a toddler undo those?

Just I have seen many cousins/nieces and nephews Houdini their way out of car seats which seem to be much more secure.

Those ones are incredibly cute though!

@Glowcat

They fasten at the front like a harness.

What's the point of a front fastening?

These threads are always so hypocritical - 95% of people don’t think there is a problem using reins, so it doesn’t seem to be an issue at all - lots of comments aimed at mothers who don’t use reins putting children’s lives at risks etc.

So it’s fine to judge mothers who don’t use reins, but not ones who do?!

I rarely see any toddlers around me wearing them.