AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

You are better off strapping the kid in a pram and then teaching it to walk in quieter streets etc and actually teaching the kid about road side behaviour.

I never realised having reins meant you couldn't teach your child about road safe behaviour. Sounds very much like my FIL who believed drivers who wore seatbelts couldn't learn how to drive properly.

My children wore reins and I taught them about road safety in exactly the same way as my friends did with their children. There was nothing about wearing reins that stopped them from holding my hand or stopping at the traffic lights or any of it.

Only difference was, if mine bolted anyway, I had back-up.

Oh, and I didn't have to strap them in the pram as soon as we got to the busy road so that meant more teaching time.

I've always used them, mainly because my mum pulled my arm out my socket when I was 2/3 and she had to do a hard yank when I bolted into the road, she gifted all my kids their little rucksacks.

I used them as DS walked at 11 months and wanted to walk everywhere from about 13 months. He was non-verbal and had impaired hearing so we couldn’t rely on him hearing or making the right choices.

You are better off strapping the kid in a pram and then teaching it to walk in quieter streets etc and actually teaching the kid about road side behaviour.

I love comments like this where someone extrapolates their very limited experience to everyone else’s children. That they’ve never met.

I’m sure all 2 year olds are receptive to the requirements of being safe around traffic! Reins are fine. Just get rid before DC go to school!

I don't like that they are necessary sometimes, but that is more being anti-car than anti-reins.

Why? What has anti car got to do with being anti reins?

I don’t mind the backpack ones. But I would never use them myself.

What a ridiculous comment
Why?

I also found it helped to stop other people walking into my child. I was shocked at how often people would try to walk by me or between DH and I and completely fail to notice that DD was walking along beside or between us. Somehow, I must have had my arm out more obviously and they would walk round DD instead of into her when she was in reins.

Without reins, even if I was holding her hand, someone would try to walk into her about once every 30 seconds when we were walking around town together.

I think like a lot of baby things bottles/dummies/ear rings people say it’s about safety but actually it’s about class

Agree with this

The Jamie Bulger comments are absolutely disgusting.

Not sure I'd compare bottles/dummies (that have a purpose with a baby) to earring s! Agree about the class thing though.

Maybe using them makes it looks like you're coping less? Whereas why pretend and give yourself more hassle.

Totally necessary for me when the DTs were at that age and one was more capable of walking than the other. No way could I safely hold onto an unbalanced twin buggy with one hand and a toddler with the other.

Maybe using them makes it looks like you're coping less?

Seriously! BabyLlamaZen

I’d love to know what ‘coping less’ looks like?

Keeping your child safe now looks like you aren’t coping?

Surely a free runner is worse?

I didn’t care if anyone disliked reins they did the job of keeping my children safe when near busy roads. They still learnt to cross the road as we stopped and talked about it every single time we crossed. They took it in turns to tell us when to cross.

Some people talk utter rubbish

I bet I looked more like I was coping when the DC were on reins happily faffing around than when one of the buggers had come out without them and I was haring down a road screeching "ds come back!" and hoping to feck they weren't about to dive I to traffic.

I don't think I ever cared if people looked at me and assessed how well I was coping tbh. Weird to imagine they'd see reins and think that a sign I wasnt though.

My kids were never bolters so I didn't have a need for them but they seem like a good idea if your kid is a runner.

You have to parent the kid you have. I've never cared or noticed if I was being judged so would have used them if it had suited me.

I looked at MN when deciding whether to get backpack reins for my DD. I read the tragic story of the poster who lost one of her twins and decided there and then she would be wearing reins. You could say that DD is a "handholder" as she likes to hold on to me even with the reins on. So you could argue she doesn't need them because she had never ran off or pulled away. But whilst looking at the threads about reins I read another comment that has stuck with me. In response to someone saying "my DC has never ran off/out in to the road" a poster replied (paraphrased) "nothing has ever happened until the first time it happens". And the first time it happens it could prove fatal. I don't want to take that chance.

@SharyBobbins so true. My dad’s cousin had apparently been a very placid, well behaved child - until he darted off straight into a car. Its just not worth the risk (70 years later, my dad who was 3 at the time still remembers the sound his cousins body made when it hit the car).

Not RTFT but just imagine from a toddlers point of view how uncomfortable it is to have their hand above their hand the entire time they are walking if they are holding your hand. I certainly couldn't keep walking like that for more than 5 minutes so never would expect my under 2 year old to do so.

Secondly, as I am sure many before me will have already said, reins give them so much more freedom to walk where they want to and we only need to pull them back if in danger.

I am yet to see a decent argument against using them (and likening them to a dog's lead is not one!)

How the hell does having a child wearing reins look like someone isn't coping?

That makes absolutely no sense.

Seeing a child toddling along wearing reins is, to me, a sign that the parents want to ensure that their child doesn't run under the wheels of a car.

As pp said, some people talk utter rubbish.

Use them if you want to. If other people comment negatively then up to you to decide whether you give a shit.

I used my dogs old car harness and extending dog lead. My son was forever slip handed and he had as much freedom as he wanted. Winner winner.

I used reins with my twins (now 3.5) when they first started walking, until they were nearly 3. Especially if I was out on my own with them.

Once they were able to walk, neither ever wanted to go in the buggy, they only ever wanted to walk. So I did reins for about a year.

As far as I know, I never got any judgement for it. Got a few comments of the "gosh, you've got your hands full!" variety. But nothing ever nasty.

I’m surprised at the vote. We used a backpack one for our first - ADHD and probably ASD but we didn’t know until years later. Second child wasn’t so bad so didn’t really need them.

I remember reading posts against them at the time. People with well behaved kids always think it’s their marvellous parenting, therefore if your child needs reins it’s a sign of your terrible parenting skills.

People who negatively judge other parents for keeping their child safe are cunts.

There s no problem with them. I think it was when AP became big that people became really shirty about it, a they did with strollers and cribs etc.

I used them for one of my kids, the other three didn't need them. But she was a bolter, and clever, and fast. After he ran off and i couldn't catch her once because I was too slow and pregnant she wore her monkey backpack everywhere. And was quite chuffed about it.