AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

[Pam100127]

From the minute they could walk, both my children hated being in a pushchair, they loved to explore. The reins allowed them freedom. Also, if they lost their footing, I could quickly stop them making contact with the ground. Reins saved many a scrapped knee.

[m0therofdragons]

I had dd1 3yo and dtds so I used reins for twins as they were independent and over confident. 2 people challenged me during that time. I always put reins around my wrists as a back up but held their hands. As they got older I’d tuck the reins in the back pack but say that if they didn’t stay with me I’d use the reins - great motivator for them to behave but have me control of the situation.
I make no apologies - when dd1 was a toddler she was a great hand holder so no need for reins but one of her friends from the child minder was a couple of years older and bolted across a road. She was air lifted to hospital, nearly died and has permanent brain damage. That seemed to shut up the 2 people who questioned my choice.

[pigsDOfly]

Reins have been around in the UK forever.

I've seen photos of me when I was small wearing reins, and I was born in 1948.

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

@whatswithtodaytoday we weren't in the UK. Sadly there were apparently no reins for me or my sibling. So mama had to be oddly bent over😂

[Veterinari]

I find the dog lead argument bizarre.

The primary reason for keeping your dog on a lead around traffic is to keep them safe. It boggles my mind that you'd not want to do the same for your child.

[whatswithtodaytoday]

@SchrodingersImmigrant I had reins in the early 80s, I remember them quite fondly!

[SharyBobbins]

@myself2020 I'm so sorry for what your Dad and family went through

[Flipflopsaga]

In my opinion, never let ANYONE change your mind when YOU know what is best for YOUR child. In my mind, the reality is that if you do not use reins on a child who suddenly darts off into incoming traffic, you may tragically have a child who is under the wheels of a vehicle. You will have to live with that, for thinking 'Oh, I don't want people to judge/say I'm treating my child like a puppy/ slating me because I'm not in control'. 'Saving face' in front of these judgemental people is not worth the risk. The people that are making you feel inferior for using reins are not worth giving a second thought to. If you feel you need to justify yourself just tell them, "Don't judge me, I prefer my child alive thanks" but you shouldn't need to. Try and ignore the nastiness. This stage will pass and you will have a child who is still alive! People can be so horrid and cruel but at the end of the day only you can decide what measures to use to keep your child safe.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Reins are fabulous. Used loads with PFB, who has now grown into a highly sensible 3 year old who tells me off if I dont look both ways before crossing a road.

[deste]

We put them on DGD 22 months and she told us, “ no lead mama, no lead.

[DanniArthur]

I've been using the little ladybird backpack with reins since my DD began walking. It's to keep her safe whilst also encouraging independence. I dont understand why anyone would be adverse to them?

[SaesCymro]

Used for both of mine, a few different kids as well, and would do so again.

Both bolters with SEN. Best thing I could have done.

[Cfdmorris]

As people have commented....some children are just born as absconders...take off at a seconds notice and run free. Even as a crawler my eldest would take off like a bat out of hell...it was like chasing a squealing pig. He hated the pushchair having walked early. For what it’s worth he still walks around everywhere around London where he lives now, rather than the tube. Reins meant he could walk but stay safe and for us parents not to have to do a 100m sprint multiple times while out.
My youngest...polar opposite! Preferred the pushchair, walked holding hands and never took off. We never had to use reins. And now he drives me everywhere and loves his car😂😂

[SchrodingersImmigrant]

My mum said she is really envious of today's parents with reins because they weren't available when I was a baby😂

[Goosefoot]

There s no problem with them. I think it was when AP became big that people became really shirty about it, a they did with strollers and cribs etc.

I used them for one of my kids, the other three didn't need them. But she was a bolter, and clever, and fast. After he ran off and i couldn't catch her once because I was too slow and pregnant she wore her monkey backpack everywhere. And was quite chuffed about it.

[SugarNyx]

People who negatively judge other parents for keeping their child safe are cunts.

[ShastaBeast]

I’m surprised at the vote. We used a backpack one for our first - ADHD and probably ASD but we didn’t know until years later. Second child wasn’t so bad so didn’t really need them.

I remember reading posts against them at the time. People with well behaved kids always think it’s their marvellous parenting, therefore if your child needs reins it’s a sign of your terrible parenting skills.

[zingally]

I used reins with my twins (now 3.5) when they first started walking, until they were nearly 3. Especially if I was out on my own with them.
Once they were able to walk, neither ever wanted to go in the buggy, they only ever wanted to walk. So I did reins for about a year.

As far as I know, I never got any judgement for it. Got a few comments of the "gosh, you've got your hands full!" variety. But nothing ever nasty.

[Casschops]

I used my dogs old car harness and extending dog lead. My son was forever slip handed and he had as much freedom as he wanted. Winner winner.

[ClutterbuckFarm]

Use them if you want to. If other people comment negatively then up to you to decide whether you give a shit.

[pigsDOfly]

How the hell does having a child wearing reins look like someone isn't coping?

That makes absolutely no sense.

Seeing a child toddling along wearing reins is, to me, a sign that the parents want to ensure that their child doesn't run under the wheels of a car.

As pp said, some people talk utter rubbish.

[coffeechocolatecoffee]

Not RTFT but just imagine from a toddlers point of view how uncomfortable it is to have their hand above their hand the entire time they are walking if they are holding your hand. I certainly couldn't keep walking like that for more than 5 minutes so never would expect my under 2 year old to do so.

Secondly, as I am sure many before me will have already said, reins give them so much more freedom to walk where they want to and we only need to pull them back if in danger.

I am yet to see a decent argument against using them (and likening them to a dog's lead is not one!)

[myself2020]

@SharyBobbins so true. My dad’s cousin had apparently been a very placid, well behaved child - until he darted off straight into a car. Its just not worth the risk (70 years later, my dad who was 3 at the time still remembers the sound his cousins body made when it hit the car).

[SharyBobbins]

I looked at MN when deciding whether to get backpack reins for my DD. I read the tragic story of the poster who lost one of her twins and decided there and then she would be wearing reins. You could say that DD is a "handholder" as she likes to hold on to me even with the reins on. So you could argue she doesn't need them because she had never ran off or pulled away. But whilst looking at the threads about reins I read another comment that has stuck with me. In response to someone saying "my DC has never ran off/out in to the road" a poster replied (paraphrased) "nothing has ever happened until the first time it happens". And the first time it happens it could prove fatal. I don't want to take that chance.

[AwwDontGo]

My kids were never bolters so I didn't have a need for them but they seem like a good idea if your kid is a runner.

You have to parent the kid you have. I've never cared or noticed if I was being judged so would have used them if it had suited me.