AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

Nothing wrong with them, much better using reins than knocked over.

I find some people are very limited in their understanding and like judging others. Those people can fuck right off.

I’m not a mum yet (pregnant with my first) but have always thought reins looked very sensible! The backpack ones can be very cute as well.

Nothing

I taught my toddlers to bark when I put their reins on. Am I a terrible parent? They seemed to enjoy it at the time and cant remember it now!

We've just started using them. It seems merely impossible to get an active 16 month old to hold your hand, his understanding is not at that level nor is he patient enough when there's so much to explore outdoors. I'd rather use backpack reins than have him crying every few minutes because he gets frustrated.

I used them with all of mine born between 1996 and 2011.

I used to get a lot of ‘dog’ comments with my twins, who it was even more important to use them on, and very necessary as DTS2 was a bolter and there were occasions where I didn’t use them and had to leave DTS1 standing there while running after him! I wish I’d given the idiots who used to comment a mouthful as I would now I’m older but I just let them make me feel like crap.

DH hates them and we've had a big argument about this. I mean, we never needed to use them but he just won't get it when I tell him not to judge people using them - we've never had kids who are 'runners' but I think some just are, not matter how tightly you try to hold their hands, and some do it all the time. Some parents might have mobility issues and can't run around after little kids, or it may be uncomfortable for them to hold hands if they have back issues.

I don't think anyone needs to buy them pre-emptively, but if you have a runner then they may well be necessary in order to stay sane!

Nothing.

@Playdonut

I taught my toddlers to bark when I put their reins on. Am I a terrible parent? They seemed to enjoy it at the time and cant remember it now!

Oh that's brilliant. I would have loved to have seen the look on the busy bodies face when they barked.

Fair enough if you have a collar or choke chain round your child's neck, but why would keeping them safe with reins be frowned upon? Bizzare.

We have them, we spend a lot of time near water so this way our DD gets to feel grown up and I don't have to worry constantly. Like most things, everything has its time and place!

They can be useful and helpful, but from a behavioural point of view, I would say that it somewhat prevents a child from being able to discern danger and learning to self-correct.

I also used them for DTs it’s necessary! They toddle off in different directions!

Nobody needs reins - until you do, and in an instant the value of them would become apparent.
They're like insurance.

And I would much rather see a child on reins than a toddler being ignored whist their parent is on their phone ,which I see frequently .

My eldest always hated holding my hand when he was a toddler but would trot along happily on reigns. I also loved them for taking him out on his wide wheeled balance bike as it stopped him from wheeling away down a hill or falling onto the floor if it tipped over.

It's obviously unacceptable if anyone ever dragged their child by reigns but that would equally be the same issue if they dragged them by the hand/arm or body.

I can't see the problem what would you rather, use reins or the child gets hit by a car

My DD (18 months) is obsessed with cars, she will run to them when they are parked or moving, so for us reins are essential.

She actually loves putting them on and when I get them out for her, she gets all excited and puts her arms out for them. It makes for a much more chilled out walk too, I’m not on edge all the time.

If my grandmother would have used reins 70 years ago, my father would still have a cousin. It is impossible to hold the hand of a child that suddenly wants to escape. The adult doesn’t have a chance. Reins are sensible.

"from a behavioural point of view, I would say that it somewhat prevents a child from being able to discern danger and learning to self-correct."

But you use reins alongside teaching about safety - just like any preventative measure you take with a child.

I think we can all see the point of reins. The question is more, why do random people dislike them and think it's ok to judge parents who are using them?

Just to add, my dad’s cousin had been a very sensible child, not a runner at all. Until the day he saw something exiting, suddenly ran off - straight into a car. My grandmother and my dad who was not even 3 at the time never got over it.

Occasionally reins are fine you have an impulsive toddler. I tried finding more toddler friendly routes to places and that also makes life easier.

I wish my son was as sensible as the average dog. Unfortunately he has a death wish.
I only used the backpack reins twice with my daughter. She simply doesn’t need them. Got plenty of use out of them the second time round though

They can be useful and helpful, but from a behavioural point of view, I would say that it somewhat prevents a child from being able to discern danger and learning to self-correct

What I found instead was that friends who did not use reins on their toddlers simply kept them in their buggies when they were near danger. Or used their cars a lot to go places. Not sure that taught them anything. For me, reins was about letting my children have as much freedom as possible. Same as I used a life-jacket so they could go on boats rather than have to stay on shore. It didn't stop them from learning to handle a boat safely.

If you are talking about dangers like busy roads, I'm not sure how that self-correcting would work: the child would get run over at the first attempt.

Besides, I've never known any rein-using parents who don't do the same traffic-training as other parents. You have the reins so you can restrain them in an emergency, not so they can't move and stop of their own volition.

The situation where no traffic-training is taking place is where a child is just passively taken places in a buggy or a car.