AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

[BlueJava]

I used reins on my twin boys. MIL's objection was it was treating them like dogs or a pony in a harness - although I'd like to clarify I didn't try to get on their backs!

My reason for using them was if they split and went in different directions I had zero change of grabbing both of them in a dangerous situation (e.g. crossing a road, in a car park, losing them in a shopping centre etc). They have got to 18 are ok and don't seemed scarred by the experience of reins.

[Axion]

My children are now all grown up, I have 3 and used reins on all of them. Never had any looks or comments, was more of the usual thing to do then, they are a godsend for stopping toddlers running off.

[Rubychard]

Ds2 (now diagnosed asd) was a rein hating bolter. No way were we going out without them. I do remember hearing a log of rein hating nonsense on here about them. No one ever said anything to my face tho.

There is a poster on here who's dh didnt use them on their child and the child ended up under a car.

[Samtsirch]

I didn’t use reins as I had the same concerns as you OP.
However looking back they would have made life so much easier, walks would have been less stressful etc.
I think the important issue is how they are used, ie, for safety purposes, not dragging a child along etc.

[HavelockVetinari]

A lot of people on MN remember MrsPresley - her husband didn't like reins either, and one day their 2 year old bolted into the road and was killed. Their marriage didn't survive it.

Thanks to her I bought a set of reins on a backpack for DS.

[Chocolate1984]

I used reins on both other mine, but for different reasons. My eldest was walking at 9 months, wanted to walk all the time outside and it was back breaking holding her hand as she was so short. My second would not walk holding hands, used to sit on the ground refusing to move, but walked with reins as she felt she had freedom. I use whatever makes your life easier.

[ListenLinda]

Nothing wrong at all OP. I use them on DD all the time. The one day I forgot them and let her walk a bit home from nursery, she bolted and I had to leave DS in the double buggy and leg it after her. She got such a telling off and now she doesn’t get out of the double buggy unless she puts them on.

[ishouldtryabiteachdayy]

Used them as soon as DS could walk he wanted to walk everywhere. For little ones like him it was tiring for him to hold hands as he had to hold his arm right up ( I'm quite tall too. ) Used them from 1 until just before 2. Very handy, freedom but not loose. He loves to hold hands now he's older, unless I actually need him to 🤦‍♀️

[NicAndNick]

What I dont understand is if your holding a childs hand tight because they are having a tantrum or just trying to bolt that hurts quite a bit as the knuckles grind, they are just going to struggle more surely? Also they risk a pulled elbow if they are pulling on your hand hard? I always thought it was better to have the restraint spread over a wide area (their chest) and as soon as they stop pulling the pressure goes away. They are completely in charge of any pressure/pain so the positive/negative feedback would be better?

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Is the anti-reins movement a new thing ('Children need to be FREE to explore!!! And to kill themselves in a number of interesting and toddler-led ways!!!')?

My children were tiny more than 25 years ago and nobody ever criticised reins then. In fact I often used to be told they SHOULD be on reins!

[GaraMedouar]

I used reins on both my boys , nearly 20 years ago now , but to me it was the norm, never had a negative comment. My younger DS was walking at 11 months and so ridiculously fast even at that age, if he ran off I had to literally sprint with all my energy to catch him, which he found hilarious.
With my youngest, DD I never used reins, didn’t need to, she was slow, and didn’t want to ever be more than one pace from me. If she had been like the boys I would have done though.

[SerenDippitty]

My (paediatrician) friend used reins with her little one when he was small. I dropped them once and he picked them up and handed them back to me. He's a confident sensible lad now.

[MitziK]

@Zaphodsotherhead

Is the anti-reins movement a new thing ('Children need to be FREE to explore!!! And to kill themselves in a number of interesting and toddler-led ways!!!')?

My children were tiny more than 25 years ago and nobody ever criticised reins then. In fact I often used to be told they SHOULD be on reins!

Nah. Been going since the mid 90s at least. It directly corresponds in my head with the people who would ask 'DON'T YOU KNOW what they put into vaccinations?', as they were one and the same people.

[OchonAgusOchonO]

I don't understand what's wrong with treating toddlers like dogs. I treat my dogs very well. I use a lead to keep my dogs safe near traffic and people. I also use the lead to ensure they don't annoy people. Exact same with kids.

I also used many of the same training strategies for both (reinforcement and extinction training is advised for both). The only difference is the dogs were easier to train.

I never used reins on my dc but they weren't really a thing back then (90's, 00's) where I lived and none of mine were bolters. If they had been, I'd have figured out where to get them.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

@MitziK

I always think of the mid 90's as being really recent... maybe it's my age...

[AdaFromYorkshire]

DS was a placid walker. His twin sister was a bolter. There were two occasions when reins saved her life, once from a bus and once from a juggernaut. Better a child on reins than a child in a coffin.

[FedUpOfChangingName]

Ignore people who have a problem with reins


On here, people always have a problem with something, especially in AIBU.

Your child is safe and happy.
She can explore in a happy environment.
She doesnt feel controlled

Do what you think is best

[BabyLlamaZen]

I think they're great and itend to use them when ds is older. Otherwise surely you're limiting them and constantly dragging them back grabbing their hands?

[Samtsirch]

@AdaFromYorkshire
Well said.

[BiBabbles]

I think the wrist ones were connected with shoulder/elbow issues, I vaguely recall something about that. Beyond that it's like everything to do with small kids that brings the judgement of the one true way types. I've heard it for everything down to what colour coat my baby was wearing. I'm very thankful that has pretty much passed now that they're older.

All my kids wore reins. Sometimes just giving them the option was enough to help with their behaviour. Only my youngest caused an issue with them, there was a very awkward 6-9 months when he was a toddler where he refused to go in the carrier without a fight, would flop down if you tried to hold his hand or use reins, and would hoodini-slide out of his pushchair on a regular basis no matter how well strapped in.

[Simonfromharlow]

I love reins. My youngest was a nightmare and used to run off all the time! He nearly ended up in the moat of Hever castle because my ex refused to put them on him. Didn't refuse after that!
The only trouble was that when he was wearing them he used to pull on them like a blood hound haha

[yomommasmomma]

Nothing is wrong with it! It is safe and sensible. Ignore anyone who says otherwise.

[Straycatstrut]

It is making sure they're safe in a world full of dangers they're too little to understand/aren't aware of.

[FedUpOfChangingName]

I dont like the wrist ones though.

The back pack ones or ones that go over the shoulders and chest are best

[SusieOwl4]

I always used reins with my two . Never had a comment or a reaction . Kept them safe . I also bought a backpack set for my grandson when we took him out because he was a runner . And I never would have caught him.