AIBU to wonder what is actually wrong with using reins on a child?

[FancyRutabaga]

When I had my PFB, I was very anti-reins, but now I can't actually remember why. I remember reading on here about people tutting at the sight of them,comments about how children aren't dogs etc

We had a very different set up with number, we lived in an isolated cul de sac with wide footpaths and bridleways, and it was a lot safer for PFB to roam free.

Now, with my current toddler, we live in a village with narrow cobbly streets and quite a lot of agricultural machinery pounding through regularly. She is also a slippery handed bolter,which sensible PFB was not. She is good at holding hands, but there's a few areas where she could have some independence but would need to be within grabbing distance, if that makes sense.

I've been given a little backpack with reins attached, and she has been a happier child since we started using it on our (now much more peaceful) walks.

I just can't see a problem to be honest. I remember seeing arguments about reins going on for pages, but now I look at her able to explore her environment whilst being safe, and I genuinely can't see what the issue was or why I was ever so against the idea

[CarlottaValdez]

I had some that I didn’t use much because DS was always very good at holding hands so I’m not anti reins at all. I would be interested to know whether countries where they’re more frowned upon have more toddlers hit by cars. I suppose hopefully it’s such tiny numbers either way that you wouldn’t see much effect.

[Jellybeansincognito]

Reins are great, the types of parents who seem to be against them tend to be the same parents who let their child run unsafely ahead on pavements next to main roads.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using reins, or not using them.

[Jellybeansincognito]

*unless you’re risking your child’s life

[Iwantacookie]

I used reins for all 3 of mine. Tried a wrist strap with ds1 and found out he was taking it off wondering to what he wanted to see then come back and put it on. (I had dd in the pushchair so tried wrist one for ease) never used the wrist one again after that but the body ones are fine.

[Yeahnahmum]

Because you are not actually teaching them anything. You are just taking away their ability to run off. Which means that with reins your kid might be fine, but what if one day they manage to wiggle out of the reins. Or a grandparent forget to use them. Then the kid would have no clue about what to do with all this new found freedom and would get into some major trouble for sure. Scary.

You are better off strapping the kid in a pram and then teaching it to walk in quieter streets etc and actually teaching the kid about road side behaviour.

I like the pp who said they taught their kid to bark when the kid was on the leash

[SimonJT]

You are better off strapping the kid in a pram and then teaching it to walk in quieter streets etc and actually teaching the kid about road side behaviour.

You are just taking away their ability to run off. Which means that with a pushchair your kid might be fine, but what if one day they manage to wiggle out of the pushchair. Or a grandparent forget to use the pushchair. Then the kid would have no clue about what to do with all this new found freedom and would get into some major trouble for sure. Scary.

[Imissmoominmama]

I wore reins over 50 years ago, and my children have when we’re by a road or the canal. I used the backpack sort for my two youngest, and much of the time they were tucked behind it, but out when I needed them. I don’t give a hoot what anyone thought- they were 15 months apart, both hyperactive, and I wanted them to stay safe. Both are grown now and are capable of assessing self risk, so it didn’t do them any harm.

[Quarantimespringclean]

I used reins and the only time I had any negative feedback was in Italy. My son was nearly 2 at the time and a very attractive child with big blue eyes. I was used to people admiring him and was disappointed on holiday in Italy when he was ignored everywhere we went. Even in restaurants the waiters would blank him. Until one day about a week into the holiday, I forgot his reins and we walked through a market holding his hand. He instantly became the centre of attention and was fussed over by everyone. Same when we went into a restaurant. He was passed around and cuddled by all the staff and taken into the kitchen for the chef to make a fuss of him.

My holiday Italian didn’t stretch to asking anyone why this was and I am guessing that they were either embarrassed by seeing him on reins or maybe thought he was being restrained for some medical reason. Perhaps someone here knows?

[BertieBotts]

They used to be sold as "training reins" ie for holding your not-quite-independent walker up to support them to walk - perhaps that's where the stigma comes from? That wouldn't be great for the child's development - you're supposed to let them practice walking on their own without external support, otherwise they can't develop the correct core strength and balance required.

And the wrist straps are frowned upon because you can quite easily accidentally dislocate a child's elbow with those. But you can't usually buy those these days.

But the type which are a fallback to prevent them darting into a road or crowd are not controversial, I don't think, at least not from anybody who has any actual complaints other than "Human rights!!1! The look like dog leads!"

[MitziK]

I figured that if I valued the dog enough to not want him pancaked across the road if he suddenly took it upon himself to forget all his training or some over entitled prick decided to bump her 4x4 up onto the pavement next to the school gates at speed (as happened every fucking morning), it was only reasonable to give the youngest child that same level of care.

And carrying an angry handbag from where she had suddenly decided to hurl herself in a rage was always better than standing in the middle of a dual carriageway crossing or the tram crossing spots, as a tram driver wouldn't be in any position to stop and wait for me to persuade her to 'please get up now, darling'.

[Winniewonka]

Over thirty years ago when my child was a toddler, reins were commonplace. I didn't have a car and buses weren't pram user friendly at all. You had to somehow take your child out of their buggy, hold on to them and what ever other paraphernalia you were carrying. Collapse the buggy, carry it onto the bus alongside your child and shopping and leave it in a special place and then get off and reverse the process. Absolute nightmare but at least you still had hold of your child.
No one ever commented on their use although we did go abroad when my child was about 21 months old and used them. They caused mild, friendly amusement when we were out walking. A couple of times, people asked were we bought the reins. I was surprised because it was a country known for being very child centric. Maybe they had gone out of fashion.
Anyway I used to play a road safety game with my child in that when they were wearing the reins, they thought they were leading the way for me and had to tell me when we reached a road that I had to stop. They loved thinking they were in charge. Try it!

[Roundtoedshoes]

I’ve only met one person who has been negative about them (to my face) - a fellow parent (male) who said that children will never learn if you restrict them. He also rolls eyes at ff mums, so definitely one to be taken with a pinch of salt. We use ours when near roads and I’m glad for them. Toddlers are fast!

[WashYourFins]

You are teaching them things, the reins aren't taut, (unless they're bolting). They've got a wider field of vision walking than in a pram/buggy. If they're walking safely and sensibly then it's no different to wearing a back-pack.

[Wishforsnow]

Yes, I think reins are a great idea. Not sure why anyone would make a negative comment about them

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

Pro-reins here too. I also found that the backpack type allowed the odd can of beans to go in... which slows them down too. Win Win

[Devlesko]

If you have a runner you have no alternative.
I used them and couldn't give a toss what others do or say.
One out of three of our dc didn't need them, the other two needed them for their own safety.

[FishAreAcquaintancesNotFood]

I think in an ideal world it's better to get them used to holding your hand and to having good recall (yes, just like dogs ) because if you drop the reins or whatever you don't want them to wander off. However in the real world when you have shopping or three babies/toddlers you do what you do to keep them alive.

Some people are judgy about reins.

Some people are judgy about prams (baby should be "worn"! )

It doesn't fucking matter really and you stop giving a shit about these things roughly around the time they turn 4 anyway.

[Winniewonka]

Quarantinespringclean - Just crossed posts, it was Italy that I am referring to my post too!

[FishAreAcquaintancesNotFood]

I agree some of the former judgyness might have directed towards the wrist strap types which do seem an all round bad idea.

[Distiller91]

I use reins with my two year old. He's getting loads better at road safety but still every so often will try dart across a road (luckily can't get far cos of said reins). There little Thomas the tank backpack ones and he likes them. Never had any negative comments or tuts myself. Until he is 100% Road safe savvy they are staying on

[CarlottaValdez]

They’re not recommended in the US apparently but I can’t see why.

[Oysterbabe]

Nothing wrong with reins. There was a lady on here with toddler twins whose husband did not use the reins. One of them walked in front of a car and was killed while he was dealing with the other. They lost their child and their relationship didn't make it either.
I would be interested for one of the people voting Yabu to give their reasoning.

[Squoon]

I have to use reins with my 2 year old. She calls them her "walks". I do sometimes wonder what other people might think, but I'm keeping a bolter safe and it means I can help her older sister who has trouble with her balance. So, keeping 2 children safe.

If we went to a shop I would always take her inside with me, not tied up to a pole

[Tobebythesea]

Pro-reins here too. I’ve never had any negative comments, only positive ones, usually from older people saying they wish they had had them (backpack style ones).

[bluevioletcrimsonsky]

I never knew some people have negative thoughts about it. I used it. It was very practical for toddler who hated buggy and wanted to walk all the time.