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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to tell stranger where DD goes to nursery

220 replies

LG93 · 17/06/2020 14:47

I was queuing to return some shoes in the supermarket yesterday, there was a woman in front of me presumably returning everything she's ever owned by the length of time she was there. While the man on the till went out the back to sort the paperwork DD (18months) who was in her buggy started waving at the lady in front and shouting Hiya at her. She turned around and was chatting to me, we had a civil conversation. I suffer with anxiety so not really one for chatting to strangers but have tried to make more of an effort in lockdown having seen how pleased people are to see dd if they're alone/missing family.

She asked how I was finding working with her at home (not that I'd said I worked at home, a lucky guess) and I said it was a challenge but at least nurseries had reopened. She asked which one she went to and I vaguely said one in next village over, which is true however it has 4 nurseries/preschools so not too identifying. She kept pushing as to which one, so I politely said 'Sorry, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with strangers'

Her tone changed and she asked me what I thought she would do with that information. I explained it wasn't personal but it's not information we shared. She huffed that it's 'all over your social media no doubt' (it's not, I very rarely post any photos of her at all on social media and certainly don't identify her nursery etc) and she just wondered if it was the same as her granddaughter but to 'suit myself' and turned around. The man came back shortly after and she gave me a bit of a scowl as she left but didn't say anything else.

Wibu? I'm sure she meant no harm by her question but I obviously have no way of identifying who may or may not be so simply don't share that information with people who don't need it, but her reaction made me wonder if I'm being overly anxious?!

OP posts:
dustyparadeground · 18/06/2020 20:49

YANBU however I think both reactions were understandable

Jack80 · 18/06/2020 20:55

I would have said one of the other names so she wasn't weird with me.

masterchef98 · 18/06/2020 21:03

The conversation sounds perfectly normal on both sides until she kept pushing you to name the nursery, she made it weird.

MuttleysSnigger · 18/06/2020 21:15

This thread is bonkers. Don't understand though how YANBU vote is so high? Especially given the responses on the thread??

CallmeBadJanet · 18/06/2020 22:12

Nobody other than you needs to know where your DD attends. You should have asked which hairdresser she gets her greys dyed at.

IloveTed · 19/06/2020 05:43

I can't believe how many people on here think the way you behaved to be completely natural and would do the same! How many children, per year, are abducted from school/nursery by a stranger? None?

AdoreTheBeach · 19/06/2020 07:50

Someone once told me, if I’m uncomfortable giving out information when someone asks me, to instead ask them back why they feel they need to know. It’s amazing how people stop and think about it.

midnightstar66 · 19/06/2020 08:21

The lady in the scenario gave her reason for wanting to know though - she's has a granddaughter who goes to nursery in the same village and was wondering if they went to the same place!

Redwinestillfine · 19/06/2020 09:01

Then she can say 'my granddaughter goes to x' and you can reply 'that's nice.....so what did you think of x' and change the subject

Myyearmytime · 19/06/2020 10:28

People who talk about school are making conversations. The reputation of school and childcare is very important..so these are important subjects of conversation..
This is how you find out which schools child care are good ..

Lottielouc · 19/06/2020 15:51

Wow this is interesting reading, so many paranoid people.
Surely its just chit chat, small talk. If she had asked your full name, maiden name, address, dob, bank details I would be concerned but which school is hardly classified info. But rightly or wrongly I view most people as good people and think there’s a minority of wrong on’s!

ISawNessie · 19/06/2020 16:01

This has happened to me a few times, particularly with older generations who are just making conversation. She was probably just being friendly but I understand why you wouldn’t give away personal information- I feel exactly the same way and I give the name of another school instead or say we haven’t decided yet x

endlessstrife · 19/06/2020 16:40

You were absolutely right not to tell her. She most likely realised she shouldn’t have asked, felt stupid, and reacted the way she did. The safety of your child should always be the priority. What other people think just doesn’t come into it. I think you handled it very well.

Thisismytimetoshine · 19/06/2020 16:51

The safety of your child should always be the priority.
This is absolutely true, I agree.

But using your bloody head regarding possible risk is strongly advised.
There was no risk to the child in this situation, and anyone thinking there was could benefit from some counselling.

ohoneohtwo · 19/06/2020 22:21

The safety of your child should always be the priority.

Well yeah, but this wasn't a situation where the child was ever going to be in danger.

redwinefine · 20/06/2020 01:44

Ask her why she wanted to know! Lots of people who are just being nosey don't like being put on the spot like that!

bruce43mydog · 20/06/2020 02:19

I see both sides here you say you suffer from anxiety. Maybe that's what's caused you to panic and not want to say where child's nursery is.

But she was probably only trying to be nice and pass time. Probably wasn't even that interested. it was just something to say.

I wouldn't think to much about it.

AtaMarie · 20/06/2020 02:36

It was a totally harmless question, the kind of idle chit-chat that makes up every playground interaction where I live.

theThreeofWeevils · 20/06/2020 03:52

It really is best not to interact at all with strangers. The OP needs to train her child not to squawk or attention-seek so much, and work on her own loose-lipped people-pleasing gabbiness. Wink

I am indeed the crone who tutted at the noisy brat in the pushchair and froze out a young mother wanting a chat with an adult, any adult... but please, never call me a 'lady'. A woman, yes, 'older woman' if you must - but why the hell do the passive agents in these MN threads so often end up being described as 'the lady'?

WendyMad · 23/06/2020 13:15

why the hell do the passive agents in these MN threads so often end up being described as 'the lady'?

Because the OP is being polite, that's why!

Just because they had a few cross words, that's no reason why the OP shouldn't refer to her politely!

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