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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to tell stranger where DD goes to nursery

220 replies

LG93 · 17/06/2020 14:47

I was queuing to return some shoes in the supermarket yesterday, there was a woman in front of me presumably returning everything she's ever owned by the length of time she was there. While the man on the till went out the back to sort the paperwork DD (18months) who was in her buggy started waving at the lady in front and shouting Hiya at her. She turned around and was chatting to me, we had a civil conversation. I suffer with anxiety so not really one for chatting to strangers but have tried to make more of an effort in lockdown having seen how pleased people are to see dd if they're alone/missing family.

She asked how I was finding working with her at home (not that I'd said I worked at home, a lucky guess) and I said it was a challenge but at least nurseries had reopened. She asked which one she went to and I vaguely said one in next village over, which is true however it has 4 nurseries/preschools so not too identifying. She kept pushing as to which one, so I politely said 'Sorry, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with strangers'

Her tone changed and she asked me what I thought she would do with that information. I explained it wasn't personal but it's not information we shared. She huffed that it's 'all over your social media no doubt' (it's not, I very rarely post any photos of her at all on social media and certainly don't identify her nursery etc) and she just wondered if it was the same as her granddaughter but to 'suit myself' and turned around. The man came back shortly after and she gave me a bit of a scowl as she left but didn't say anything else.

Wibu? I'm sure she meant no harm by her question but I obviously have no way of identifying who may or may not be so simply don't share that information with people who don't need it, but her reaction made me wonder if I'm being overly anxious?!

OP posts:
SnickettyLemon · 17/06/2020 18:08

@Thisismytimetoshine. So if you were in a supermarket for example and a stranger came up and asked you you name and where you worked you would happily tell them?

SnickettyLemon · 17/06/2020 18:09

^^ Asked you your name!

Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 18:11

[quote SnickettyLemon]@Thisismytimetoshine. So if you were in a supermarket for example and a stranger came up and asked you you name and where you worked you would happily tell them?[/quote]
That's vanishingly unlikely to happen. Asking what a cute little toddler's name is is completely different Confused
Were you concerned they'd track your baby down on social media if they knew her name?!

CamberGirl · 17/06/2020 18:13

Wow. What on Earth?
Did you log it with NASA?
😂😂😂

Yummymummy2020 · 17/06/2020 18:14

I wouldn’t have told either, nor would I ask random people where their kids go to nursery so I don’t think you did anything wrong at all! She didn’t need to know she was only being nosy and she was rude when she didn’t get told what she wanted at the end of the day! I have plenty of topics to talk to strangers about if I wish, none of them overly personal!

ohoneohtwo · 17/06/2020 18:14

I don't get this, why does it matter? What would she do with the info? She can't turn up and snatch your kid. bonkers.

This ^

Bonkers mothers who think the world spins on their axis. Note to world, not everyone thinks your daughter is the centre of their universe.

And this ^

TerrapinStation · 17/06/2020 18:14

[quote SnickettyLemon]@Thisismytimetoshine. So if you were in a supermarket for example and a stranger came up and asked you you name and where you worked you would happily tell them?[/quote]
How is that the same thing?

Although I live in a smallish place and neither of those things are particularly secret about me so maybe I would depending on the situation

Nsky · 17/06/2020 18:15

Just say locally

Nomorepies · 17/06/2020 18:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

SnickettyLemon · 17/06/2020 18:17

It is the same reason I would not like children wearing hoodies with their name on. Imagine they are playing and a stranger calls them by their name, they are more likely to go if they think the person must know them because they know their name. But let's just agree to disagree.

Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 18:19

Don't allow your toddlers to play outside unsupervised, then. That'll remove that risk immediately.

Chig · 17/06/2020 18:19

I wouldn’t have told her either.

When DS was born, a local paper used to take photos of newborns with their mums, stating address. As we lived in a small cul-de-sac I didn’t feel safe doing that.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2020 18:21

"It's none of her business"

"She's being nosy"

I'm sure the woman couldn't actually give a tiny mouse sized shit where the kid goes to nursery.

It's call polite conversation.

Clearly a dying art if MN is anything to go by. Although having said that, thankfully MN is nothing like any real life I've ever known.

TowelHoarder · 17/06/2020 18:22

Women are socialised to be nice and not do anything that makes other people uncomfortable even if it pushes their own boundaries, so well done op on not giving out information that you weren’t comfortable giving. It doesn’t matter if she was just making conversation, the op made it clear she didn’t want to say so why keep pushing?

Even if it was the same nursery as her grandchild, so what? They’re hardly going to be best mates. If she was that bothered she could’ve just said my granddaughter goes to tiddleywinks nursery in whatever village.

Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 18:23

@Chig

I wouldn’t have told her either.

When DS was born, a local paper used to take photos of newborns with their mums, stating address. As we lived in a small cul-de-sac I didn’t feel safe doing that.

Didn't feel safe? Confused. What did you think would happen?
FilthyforFirth · 17/06/2020 18:24

Who an earth is letting toddlers play outside unsupervised?!

YANBU and no, not wanting to share private information with strangers does not equal thinking the world revolves around your child Hmm

HarryHarry · 17/06/2020 18:25

YANBU. You are perfectly within your rights to tell strangers as much or as little as you want.

ohoneohtwo · 17/06/2020 18:25

When DS was born, a local paper used to take photos of newborns with their mums, stating address. As we lived in a small cul-de-sac I didn’t feel safe doing that.

Please help me out here, what did you think would happen?

Viviennemary · 17/06/2020 18:26

I think she was just bring friendly. It's a wonder people don't tell you that you should have rang the police or social services.

Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 18:28

People used to have their names and addresses printed in the phone book. Right there in the public arena, for anyone to see.
If there were any catastrophic consequences to this, I haven't heard of them.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2020 18:29

@ohoneohtwo

When DS was born, a local paper used to take photos of newborns with their mums, stating address. As we lived in a small cul-de-sac I didn’t feel safe doing that.

Please help me out here, what did you think would happen?

Neighbours might've turned up, armed with a lasagne.
Reedshoes · 17/06/2020 18:39

YANBU OP so don’t waste a second more of your time worrying. She’s a stranger that you’ll never see again. Some people can’t read social cues!

If it happens again just say she doesn’t go to nursery.

If you think about it though, even if you had told because you felt pressured, the chances of the lady (that happens to be in front of you in a shop and clearly there for a reason) being someone sinister to with children etc is very very unlikely.

There’s also nothing she could do with the information. So I’m sure she just wanted to know if he’d granddaughter and your dd were friends

HarryHarry · 17/06/2020 18:39

To the people saying the OP is being silly... The world is not as safe as you seem to believe. There have been too many horrible cases to take risks. Most people who seek to harm children are opportunists. There are more of them out there than you would like to think. There is probably one living on your street. You are naïve to say “What did you think was going to happen?!” The point is, ANYTHING could happen. You just don’t know.

That said, I personally would probably have just told the old lady the name of the nursery.

Reedshoes · 17/06/2020 18:40

But she shouldn’t have pushed it

TowelHoarder · 17/06/2020 18:42

There are all sorts of reasons people may not want to give out personal information, for example I know a friend of a friend who was abducted from primary school by her abusive father and taken out of the country. Obviously that is a very rare occurrence but I could see why her mother may not have wanted to give out information about what school she was at after that.