Not to tell stranger where DD goes to nursery

[LG93]

I was queuing to return some shoes in the supermarket yesterday, there was a woman in front of me presumably returning everything she's ever owned by the length of time she was there. While the man on the till went out the back to sort the paperwork DD (18months) who was in her buggy started waving at the lady in front and shouting Hiya at her. She turned around and was chatting to me, we had a civil conversation. I suffer with anxiety so not really one for chatting to strangers but have tried to make more of an effort in lockdown having seen how pleased people are to see dd if they're alone/missing family.

She asked how I was finding working with her at home (not that I'd said I worked at home, a lucky guess) and I said it was a challenge but at least nurseries had reopened. She asked which one she went to and I vaguely said one in next village over, which is true however it has 4 nurseries/preschools so not too identifying. She kept pushing as to which one, so I politely said 'Sorry, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with strangers'

Her tone changed and she asked me what I thought she would do with that information. I explained it wasn't personal but it's not information we shared. She huffed that it's 'all over your social media no doubt' (it's not, I very rarely post any photos of her at all on social media and certainly don't identify her nursery etc) and she just wondered if it was the same as her granddaughter but to 'suit myself' and turned around. The man came back shortly after and she gave me a bit of a scowl as she left but didn't say anything else.

Wibu? I'm sure she meant no harm by her question but I obviously have no way of identifying who may or may not be so simply don't share that information with people who don't need it, but her reaction made me wonder if I'm being overly anxious?!

When I was looking for a nursery for my daughter, I asked people I met who had a similar aged child. I had not long moved into my village and didn’t have local knowledge. I’m surprised that now a harmless enquiry is seen as odd.

What would the risk of telling her be? Nurseries have all sorts of procedures to keep children safe. I often recommend my childrens school/nursery and it is a common conversation starter.

That said the woman shouldn't have been so pushy.

What exactly did you think she was going to do with the information? You should at least have lied and said a different one, snootily telling her you're "uncomfortable sharing that information with strangers" sounds so up your own arse.

What exactly were you afraid of, op? The world is going mad if people can't make a friendly enquiry without being viewed with massive suspicion. Are you just as cagey about the postman knowing your address?

@PicsInRed

She's clearly insane ...so you were clearly correct not to tell her where the insane lady could find your child. She proved your instinct correct, didn't she?

There are no fucking words for this nonsense 🤣

What would she do with the information? I think you were very over the top and probably came across as rude. She wasn’t going to turn up and rob off with your baby, she was being friendly.

I’d have thought you were odd too. What could she possibly have to gain from this info? Bonkers

I would have lied

I think she was being friendly and you were treating her suspiciously. How would naming the nursery put your dd in danger ?

I get that I'm quite free with information on social media etc and many are not. However alot of information will show no risk if divulged to strangers......

You even introduced the fact that her nursery had reopened into the conversation yourself, op... 🙄

You were right not to share and it is personal information. She huffed and puffed because she felt embarrassed about having asked you, I doubt she'll ask anyone again. Don't worry about it, you were in the right.

You were not BU. I had this a few weeks ago in a shop with my 2 boys, started off asking how home school was going just general chit chat and then he asked what school my boys went to.. like you I said "oh we live in... ( next town along) as I wasn't comfortable with the question. He then said his son is due to start reception next year so wanted some advice on local schools but not to worry as I didn't live locally. I'm glad he didn't persist and ask which one.

Seemed friendly enough and made sense but I just thought it was too personal, plus the fact it was lockdown and we were talking through masks at a distance.

To be fair you did bring up the subject of nursery.

So someone took the time to talk to your child, who was shouting makes a bit of chit chat to entertain her, and talks with you, and you respond like that?
Quite rude.

I think she was just making conversation. I agree with her. What would she possibly do with this info?! I would think you are nutty.

She's rude for pressing you when you were deliberately vague. She should have left it. YANBU. I wouldn't have told her either, and not because I think she's going to steal my kid but because it's my information to give and if I don't she shouldn't continue asking.

YABU

She was being friendly, trying to find some common ground. It's what people with good social skills do. Perhaps she was a bit slow to pick up on your reluctance to answer a perfectly reasonable question, but it sounds like you were rude.

Well done on how you handled it, it’s really hard in a social situation to not give out the information.

YADNBU. A while ago I was with my DM and DS in a park, and DM got chatting to another grandmother, who was VERY friendly, very OTT; and in the course of the conversation asked DS's name and which school he goes to etc. It was natural enough, I've no reason to think she had an ulterior motive. But what if she had? Of course my DM gave all sorts of information, and I was thinking oh fuck just have some common sense and stop giving out information! To this day I fear that this woman could show up at DS's school knowing his name and age/year and try to make up some reason to abduct him.

Well done on how she handled it? She was pig rude.

Gosh, where kids go to school / nursery is the main topic of casual conversation when I meet any adult in my (London) neighbourhood. Would never have occurred to me not to answer that. Amazed so many people here think there was something odd about the question. That said, when you said you didn't want to tell her, she should have left it there.

Parallel universe time on Mumsnet.
She was making polite conversation with you.
"Which nursery does she go to?"
"Weasly Village"
"My granddaughter goes there"
Or "I hear it's lovely"

Only on mumsnet would you have the majority of people agreeing you were quite right.

It’s fine not to say. You handled it fine. I can also understand her being a bit put out. One of those situations where you’re both right.

I think yabu. I live in an area with a lot of community, and discussions over nursery are common, and often so people can suss out the different places for sending their children. You mention villages, so I imagine there aren't many degrees of connection between you and this woman. Most likely you have friends or acquaintances in common.

If you are so anxious that you don't want to name the nursery, I would just move on, or name a nursery. To say you don't feel comfortable sharing with her comes across as rude.