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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to tell stranger where DD goes to nursery

220 replies

LG93 · 17/06/2020 14:47

I was queuing to return some shoes in the supermarket yesterday, there was a woman in front of me presumably returning everything she's ever owned by the length of time she was there. While the man on the till went out the back to sort the paperwork DD (18months) who was in her buggy started waving at the lady in front and shouting Hiya at her. She turned around and was chatting to me, we had a civil conversation. I suffer with anxiety so not really one for chatting to strangers but have tried to make more of an effort in lockdown having seen how pleased people are to see dd if they're alone/missing family.

She asked how I was finding working with her at home (not that I'd said I worked at home, a lucky guess) and I said it was a challenge but at least nurseries had reopened. She asked which one she went to and I vaguely said one in next village over, which is true however it has 4 nurseries/preschools so not too identifying. She kept pushing as to which one, so I politely said 'Sorry, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with strangers'

Her tone changed and she asked me what I thought she would do with that information. I explained it wasn't personal but it's not information we shared. She huffed that it's 'all over your social media no doubt' (it's not, I very rarely post any photos of her at all on social media and certainly don't identify her nursery etc) and she just wondered if it was the same as her granddaughter but to 'suit myself' and turned around. The man came back shortly after and she gave me a bit of a scowl as she left but didn't say anything else.

Wibu? I'm sure she meant no harm by her question but I obviously have no way of identifying who may or may not be so simply don't share that information with people who don't need it, but her reaction made me wonder if I'm being overly anxious?!

OP posts:
peanutsandpinenuts · 17/06/2020 17:28

Yeah, she was being a bit intrusive. Probably a bit of an entitled sort judging by her reaction. Its hard to think of the best thing to say when you're point on the spot like that, but definitely YANBU

MaeveDidIt · 17/06/2020 17:32

She's a stranger and it's none of her business.

Moonshinemisses · 17/06/2020 17:34

Sounds like a normal passing the time of day conversation. You mentioned nursery so the natural follow up from someone local with nursery age kids or grandkids would be to ask which one. She probably felt a little caught off guard by your reaction. Anyway storm & teacup, move on with your day.

unlikelytobe · 17/06/2020 17:34

Some people are more private than others, the lady in the queue was quite persistent and didn't take the hint that the OP didn't want to reveal what she considered more personal information. For some it's just harmless chit chat and others an intrusion.

Diverseduvet · 17/06/2020 17:35

So which nursery is it?

SpilltheTea · 17/06/2020 17:35

You started talking about nursery, she was just continuing the conversation. I would think you were a bit of a nutter.

Roselilly36 · 17/06/2020 17:35

I agree with previous posters, just making conversation I expect, and possibly knows someone at one of the local nurseries. I would have just answered and not given it another thought to be honest.

borntohula · 17/06/2020 17:36

I have anxiety too (everyone seems to nowadays!) and I'd be reluctant to give this info out too. Besides, how nosy of her.

ChikiTIKI · 17/06/2020 17:37

I think it says a good thing about your character that you're so honest in awkward situations, especially when suffering with anxiety.

At least you don't have to worry about the small chance that the lady was not just asking for chit chat sakes.

Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 17:39

Do you really think that? Confused

BeeB29 · 17/06/2020 17:39

You didn’t want to tell her which is fine but it’s likely she was just starting conversation wondering if you go the same as one as her grandchildren!

My mum can be a bit like this. If she sees children that look similar age to my children she’ll randomly ask if they know them or if they go to the same school (not many schools around here so it’s likely they do but still quite intrusive). Or if she sees children with the same uniform as my children’s she’ll ask if they know her grandchildren.

Don’t fret about it!

Mummyshark2018 · 17/06/2020 17:42

Everyone's so paranoid. The lady was probably just making conversation since your brought it up. What did you think she would do with that information- other than probably say oh my dc/ dgc went there/ another nursery etc. In a few years your child will go to school and it will be very obvious what school they go to- unless in the rare cases where there is no uniform. What are you going to do then?

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2020 17:46

Yes, I think you were being very unreasonable.

The poor woman must've been confused and embarrassed at the strange turn the conversation took.

No wonder people moan the UK isn't particularly child friendly.

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn · 17/06/2020 17:46

I am very protective of my children (and a bit paranoid sometimes) but I really think I'd have just named the nursery. Unless she was also asking for her full name and lots more details I don't know what she could do with the information that random child in supermarket goes to x nursery.

SnickettyLemon · 17/06/2020 17:46

I remember over 40 years ago when I was about 8 or 9, my parents had gone out one evening and my Gran was baby sitting. I answered the phone and it was obviously the wrong number. However the guy said I sounded very nice and asked me what school I went to. I told him and he chatted a while and then hung up. When I told my Gran it was the wrong number she asked why I had chatted so long, and said she hopped I had not given out any personal information. For the next month or so I was terrified that I was going to be kidnapped from outside my school. I clearly was not and the guy was probably innocent. However I am very wary about information I give out about my own child. My DD has quite an unusual name, and when she was little and people stopped to chat , I always gave a false name if they asked.

mencken · 17/06/2020 17:47

if she was worth the oxygen she would have understood your caution. File under 'pointless person' and ignore.

Thisismytimetoshine · 17/06/2020 17:48

My DD has quite an unusual name, and when she was little and people stopped to chat , I always gave a false name if they asked.
Oh my good God! 🤣

Vik81 · 17/06/2020 17:51

She was being intrusive. You dealt with her in a polite way and she responded rudely and ignorantly. For all she knew your child might have had a child protection order ( just an example). People who lack the insight and empathy to know when to stop probing are not worth worrying about.

Esspee · 17/06/2020 17:51

Threads like this make me wonder what on Earth has happened to make so many of you paranoid.

Sjl479 · 17/06/2020 17:51

She was just being friendly, poor woman. What do you imagine she’d have done with the information if you’d told her??

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2020 17:53

The OP is actually wondering if she was being 'overly anxious'.

74% have voted YANBU

That's utter madness imo. All it does is make overly anxious people think their reactions are normal, rather than down to anxiety which the OP says she has.

saraclara · 17/06/2020 17:56

Poor woman. Just trying to be nice and make conversation when everyone's feeling so isolated at the moment. You mentioned nursery, she followed through with a totally innocuous question, and you made her feel like some sort of criminal. She responded to mortification with very mild snark, but I can understand that.

I can't think of a single thing she could have done with that information. Seriously, the paranoia on MN these days is nuts.

mrsBtheparker · 17/06/2020 18:00

Yet I once overheard criticism of me because I didn't take an interest in other people's grandchildren! One really can't win with the hypersensitive parents around now.

Actually, they were quite right, I couldn't care less about other people's grandchildren!

Timetospare · 17/06/2020 18:00

@WorraLiberty

Yes, I think you were being very unreasonable.

The poor woman must've been confused and embarrassed at the strange turn the conversation took.

No wonder people moan the UK isn't particularly child friendly.

I agree and the dd was by the OPs admission, already shouting and making a fuss. It sounds like it would have been better for the OP if the woman had snapped ‘shut up’ and ignored the dd.
TerrapinStation · 17/06/2020 18:06

@Esspee

Threads like this make me wonder what on Earth has happened to make so many of you paranoid.
Haven't you heard, all kinds of child molesters, kidnappers, murderers are now buying unnecessary stuff so they can take it back in the hope that they will meet a possible victim in the returns queue.

Honestly OP, I'd think you were odd if I struck up an inconsequential conversation with you and you behaved like that