Not to tell stranger where DD goes to nursery

[LG93]

I was queuing to return some shoes in the supermarket yesterday, there was a woman in front of me presumably returning everything she's ever owned by the length of time she was there. While the man on the till went out the back to sort the paperwork DD (18months) who was in her buggy started waving at the lady in front and shouting Hiya at her. She turned around and was chatting to me, we had a civil conversation. I suffer with anxiety so not really one for chatting to strangers but have tried to make more of an effort in lockdown having seen how pleased people are to see dd if they're alone/missing family.

She asked how I was finding working with her at home (not that I'd said I worked at home, a lucky guess) and I said it was a challenge but at least nurseries had reopened. She asked which one she went to and I vaguely said one in next village over, which is true however it has 4 nurseries/preschools so not too identifying. She kept pushing as to which one, so I politely said 'Sorry, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with strangers'

Her tone changed and she asked me what I thought she would do with that information. I explained it wasn't personal but it's not information we shared. She huffed that it's 'all over your social media no doubt' (it's not, I very rarely post any photos of her at all on social media and certainly don't identify her nursery etc) and she just wondered if it was the same as her granddaughter but to 'suit myself' and turned around. The man came back shortly after and she gave me a bit of a scowl as she left but didn't say anything else.

Wibu? I'm sure she meant no harm by her question but I obviously have no way of identifying who may or may not be so simply don't share that information with people who don't need it, but her reaction made me wonder if I'm being overly anxious?!

@HarryHarry

To the people saying the OP is being silly... The world is not as safe as you seem to believe. There have been too many horrible cases to take risks. Most people who seek to harm children are opportunists. There are more of them out there than you would like to think. There is probably one living on your street. You are naïve to say “What did you think was going to happen?!” The point is, ANYTHING could happen. You just don’t know.

That said, I personally would probably have just told the old lady the name of the nursery.

But what is the actual risk? This woman (along with half the town) could have walked past the nursery any day op was collecting her daughter. She could have walked down op's street and seen where she lives. What could happen as a result of this??

Really wouldn't have given this a thought. Not being rude but what did you think she would do with the info? Genuinely curious as it wouldn't have occurred to me not to just answer the question.

Small cul de sac , is that more dangerous than a through road?

I think you were rude. Honestly, this is the type of conversation I have had a million times over the years. I have always just thought it was chitter chatter.

Aww she was waiting to say 'oh my granddaughter goes there!'- it would've concluded a nice conversation. I'm as stringent about safeguarding as anyone but can't see a risk here.

Yanbu I might mindlessly ask someone where there child goes (but I probs would just mind my own business) and if they responded like you I’d say oh yes of course! I’d never huff. I’m sure she was harmless but her reaction was OTT

I’d have lied OP but you are 100% NBU

I don’t see the issue personally particularly as she didn’t instigate the contact/conversation. Her explanation about having a granddaughter is most likely the case so she probably did wonder if the two went to the same nursery.

Your kid, your call

It's basic safeguarding. Your instinct was completely right.

I can't count the number of times I have been asked by people I don't know which school my kids go to. Hairdresser, beautician, people I meet out and about. I would hate to view the world through a lens where a paedophile or abductor was lurking after my child everywhere I went. That level of anxiety is not good. If I felt uncomfortable with someones questioning then I might lie or walk away but there was absolutely nothing alarming or suspicious about the encounter you described so yes you probably did come across rude and a bit unhinged.

I think you both were being UR.
I don't think twice when people want to know where DD is going to middle school.
What did you think she was going to do with the information.
Also, keep in mind that people are desperate to talk about something other than the pandemic, gender issues, riots, etc. Her favorite subject is probably her GD.
She didn't read your cues well, though.

YANBU. Congrats for being honest. I would also be a wuss!

It is not "basic safeguarding, fgs! Unless op is allowing her baby to travel to and from nursery alone.
What sort of world do you stress heads live in?

I feel so saddened by your post. What kind of world has it become where people think little old ladies will hunt their children down and harm them after a brief conversation in a shop.

If she's anything like me she probebly would have forgotten where you said before she left the store anyway.

Of course it's your right to not give any information but you clear6upset her very much hence her remark about social media. Was it worth upsetting her? You could have just lied.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm having a go at you. I'm just lamenting that this the world we live in now.

She was being nosy and I wouldn't like it either tbh. There's a cashier at our local Tesco Express who is like this. I don't think she means any harm, she's just being friendly, but on one occasion she talked to a close friend about me, saying I'd told her we would be away overseas for 2 weeks in August, (leaving an empty house, though she wouldn't have thought about that). I've stopped chatting to her about anything other than the weather since then, because I don't really want her gossiping about my family particularly since my DDs are adopted.

It's not that people mean any harm mostly, but I did learn a lesson, that there's a tendency to gossip with others about what they've been told. Mostly it's harmless, but the point is that if it's a stranger then you shouldn't feel any pressure to share anything with them.

I had a conversation in the M&S queue only last week with a lady. Within 5 minutes we had realised our children attended the same school - it is just passing the time.

saying I'd told her we would be away overseas for 2 weeks in August, (leaving an empty house, though she wouldn't have thought about that).
Why on earth would you tell the Tesco cashier this??

You were protecting your child, which is what a decent parent does. F€*% what she thinks quite frankly.

Why so prickly? It was a natural follow-on question from a comment you made, she probably couldn't have cared less but just a way of making conversation.
I've asked this question before and have been asked this too without any further thought.

The woman was already there. There was no 'plot'. She was simply there returning some stuff. She passed the time of day and asked about the nursery (a subject that OP brought up, not her). She didn't ask the child's name, she didn't ask OP's address.
She asked something that any child wearing school uniform is making clear just by existing.

The PP who said it's basic safeguarding is off her head. I was a safeguarding lead at work, and that claim is laughable. There is no circumstance under which an 18 month is going to be left alone, and the woman had no information that would enable her to go to the nursery and claim her.

What has happened to people ability to assess risk? Seriously?

@Thisismytimetoshine “What sort of world do you stress heads live in?”

The real world.

You do have to wonder @saraclara.

No. Your world, not mine.

@Thisismytimetoshine I didn't give her the exact dates when we'd be away, but yes, I realised then that I'd been unwise and I learned an important lesson. Thankfully, there were no repercussions. All I was really meaning was that it's easy to say too much, so it's better to be cautious.