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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour upset my wife

213 replies

DaddyofMonsters · 14/06/2020 20:32

We’ve just moved into a new town and are renting a house while we find the right property to buy. We’ve been in three days and the next door neighbour came round while I was out walking the dog and harassed my wife into moving her car so he could park outside his house. It’s on street parking, no allocated spaces. He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car. As I arrived back I just saw her parking up and going back in. I got the full story with tears inside and I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words. However, we’re only going to be here for 6 months while we buy and my wife begged me not to go confront him so AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?

OP posts:
GameChanger02 · 15/06/2020 18:51

Bloody hell, we're not all confident enough to tell an arrogant arsehole to fuck off!

Some women are intimidated a lot easier than others. Most of you on here are just plain nasty!

backseatcookers · 15/06/2020 18:59

Some women are intimidated a lot easier than others. Most of you on here are just plain nasty!

I think the reason people have reacted how they have is because she put the 3 year old in a dangerous situation rather than standing up to him. That changes things somewhat. If she just moved the car then people wouldn't have been that bothered but she is a parent and made a decision to put her child in danger rather then stand up to him. That does need to be worked on as it's unsafe. If my partner did that I would be very disappointed, wouldn't you?

iwilltaketwoplease · 15/06/2020 19:45

Don't go round there you'd both end up in a fight.

If it happens again then your wife just needs to say NO. If the man gets loud and being abusive in front of the child then your wife should threaten to call the police.

Never leave a 3yo on a wall ffs. Anything could have happened from her running into the road or at the extreme end your child could have been taken by a stranger.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 15/06/2020 21:48

I'd be going straight round and making it clear he's not to target your wife again! He's only going to do it again the next time he wants something and he sees your car is gone! I

Oscarsdaddy · 15/06/2020 21:50

Your neighbour is a prick

Wait till he goes out and park your car in ‘his space’

Then let him come round then give him what for, cheeky little fucker

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 15/06/2020 21:55

@expat101 combined with having multiple neighbours (tenants) living next door, it probably was the last straw for your neighbour.

I very much beg your sodding pardon?!?!

What business is it of any neighbour who lives next door, how often new people move in and whether they're tenants or owners?!
Last straw?! Who the hell do you think you are! I feel sorry for your neighbours; especially if they're Tenants!

Andthenthenewone · 15/06/2020 22:02

I would have told him to park his car where the sun doesn’t shine. Hmm

understandmenow · 15/06/2020 22:10

*Why would this concern you? What’s concerning about it?

A lot of people don’t like confrontation especially when they are with children. Also when your taken by surprise sometimes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. Some women are intimated when a bloke starts harassing them. What so fucking odd people can’t get that?*

Because she left her child outside the car and sitting on a wall alone! That's not acceptable and she shouldn't have done that. It's fucking odd to agree to do this.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 15/06/2020 22:46
  1. Your wife is a hero, going out of her way to keep the peace despite her own distress (long term clever)
  2. your new neighbour knew he could get away with being aggressive & totally took advantage of the situation
  3. park in front of your own house to avoid any further conflict - you're out of there soon
  4. he's got away with it once, but dont let it happen again !!
  5. help prepare your wife with a couple of scenarios and how she can deal with it

Hope this helps, Your wife sounds lovely, possibly too nice 🤗x

Barney60 · 15/06/2020 23:04

Im not sure if whole story is clear here, before we judge.
Is it possible he needs to be outside own home maybe family member disabled?
Have you got 2 cars outside and he couldnt park his own?
I would next time you see him speak to him, apologise he may explain. if there was no reason and just being an arse, tell him its not apprciated!

Barney60 · 15/06/2020 23:06

Apologies on above... appreciated. No specs on.

N0tJustY0ga · 15/06/2020 23:39

Confront the neighbour. What if something happened to your daughter whilst your wife was moving the car!?

Doesn’t matter if it’s only 6 months. I hate bullies. You were lucky this time, what if it happens next time and your daughter gets injured or something.

I know this is a world where we do things to benefit us, rather then doing what’s right cause it’s easier......but he’s going to bully someone else like this after you leave. Or he might bully your wife again on something different.

Be stern, firm and matter of fact, rather then aggressive and confrontational. Focus on the safety aspect of what he did and the harassment to your wife whilst putting your daughter in danger.

If they get aggressive, call the police. Explain the situation, especially as your wife is so shook up she’s crying. Then it’s marked down as him being the aggressor so he will think twice before doing something again.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 16/06/2020 00:37

Im not sure if whole story is clear here, before we judge.
Is it possible he needs to be outside own home maybe family member disabled?
Have you got 2 cars outside and he couldnt park his own?
I would next time you see him speak to him, apologise he may explain.

If a family member is significantly disabled, he can apply for a reserved disabled parking space to be painted, which only his family member or another blue badge holder is allowed to use.

If, as is extremely likely, he just likes having his own way and what suits him best, then it's just tough. There was somebody on a thread like this a while back who genuinely felt entitled to leave a 'please no parking' sign next to the space on the public road outside her house because she had young children! Such a rare situation for people to have children, eh - surely must have been the only one on the road and probably in the whole town!!

If you do have a genuine one-off reason for needing that spot - expecting an ambulance or funeral car/removal lorry coming first thing in the morning, then it's entirely possible to put up a polite sign (maybe on your bin, in the space or borrowing some cones) explaining it. Alternatively, you can even approach people in person and ask them in a friendly way if, just this once, they'd mind moving to let you have the space. Virtually nobody would decline to help out a pleasant neighbour. There's absolutely no reason or justification to be aggressive or intimidating about it.

If they do have two cars, then that means they've paid two lots of road tax, which entitles them to two spaces on the public road, on a first-come-first-served basis. he will be able to park his own car somewhere - just not in his preferred space. He may have a little walk to do so, but this is a scenario understood very well by anybody with half a brain who buys or rents a house without a drive or other private parking.

Exactly what do you propose they apologise to him for? For existing and wanting to park their car in a legal spot like anybody else and thus preventing him from living as the angry self-appointed king of the street? If they were to bizarrely apologise to him for some reason, that would give him the clear message that he can have whatever he wants as long as he's willing to intimidate, harass and be aggressive to the innocent people - who are just as entitled to it as he is - in order to take it from them.

And when I say 'people', I of course mean women, the elderly and other people he perceives as being weaker than he is. pound to a penny, if the door had been opened by a broad 25yo 6'6" rugby player, he would either have asked very nicely if his preferred space could be left for him or quite possibly bottled it completely and just said "Errrm, welcome to the street!"

CuppaZa · 16/06/2020 00:39

Your wife should have said no, sorry.
Just make sure if/when you park outside his house again you don’t move it/don’t answer the door

angelfacecuti75 · 16/06/2020 00:52

ShinyFootball

Another point here is that the vast majority of posters are focused on the wife and finding her lacking.

Has anyone pointed out that a man saying come out and do it now, oh there's a kid don't worry do it later, is not a great bloke? Why so little focus on his behaviour
This ^. Similar concept as to why we as a nation, only have 5% of rape cases solved /upholded in court as it is always blamed on the woman.
That said , I am a fairly nice woman and am eager to please but I have balls of steel when I want them. I would probably have rung the police, or at least threatened to.
Knobend .

Ellisandra · 16/06/2020 10:04

@WorkHardPlayHard1 “your wife sounds lovely” - what, for leaving a 3yo unattended on a walk outside?

ShinyFootball · 16/06/2020 11:58

I've been assuming that the man kept an eye on the kid while she moved the car tbh.

The lack of focus on his behaviour is not surprising though.

SnuggyBuggy · 16/06/2020 12:05

I think I'd choose the wall as a babysitter over an aggressive stranger.

Ellisandra · 16/06/2020 12:07

@Snuggybuggy that wasn’t the choice though, surely? It was wall vs car seat, not walk vs stranger.

Anyway, seems like OP is one of those that doesn’t bother to come back anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

SnuggyBuggy · 16/06/2020 12:11

Well obviously anyone sensible would have either shut the door or put the child in the car. Neither walls nor shouty strangers are good options. No shame in being intimidated but putting the child at risk is concerning.

BluebellForest836 · 16/06/2020 12:11

Or shut the door in his face and look after your own child instead of leaving them with a stranger or a wall Hmm

BluebellForest836 · 16/06/2020 12:13

1) Your wife is a hero, going out of her way to keep the peace despite her own distress (long term clever

Hero? Hmm what a load of crap.

Teddybear27 · 16/06/2020 13:07

I know what I would say to him "I pay my licence, I park where I like" OR I would be really, really nice and say "oh well, never mind" and walk off...

backseatcookers · 16/06/2020 16:28

I think I'd choose the wall as a babysitter over an aggressive stranger.

They weren't the only two options available... the wildcard options included a car seat if a no was too difficult.

CHIRIBAYA · 16/06/2020 16:52

I utterly loathe this attitude of 'I own the space outside my house and nobody else can park there', it's no different to throwing your towel on a sunbed at stupid o'clock so nobody else can sit there; so juvenile. I wouldn't go round if I were you as he sounds very small minded but I would be parking exactly where I pleased in future. I bet you're glad you'll be gone in 6 months!