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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour upset my wife

213 replies

DaddyofMonsters · 14/06/2020 20:32

We’ve just moved into a new town and are renting a house while we find the right property to buy. We’ve been in three days and the next door neighbour came round while I was out walking the dog and harassed my wife into moving her car so he could park outside his house. It’s on street parking, no allocated spaces. He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car. As I arrived back I just saw her parking up and going back in. I got the full story with tears inside and I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words. However, we’re only going to be here for 6 months while we buy and my wife begged me not to go confront him so AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?

OP posts:
leli · 14/06/2020 21:53

I would have done what your wife did and been intimidated. I think her response was quite sensible because it defused potential violence.

I do think you should go round to the neighbour, not to pick a fight, but to suss out how much of a nutter he is. He could be just a self satisfied owner occupier with a sense of entitlement or he could, frankly, be a violent and dangerous man with a short fuse. Knowing more about him helps guide how to act/react in future.

Interestedwoman · 14/06/2020 21:58

I would have done what your wife did and been intimidated. I think her response was quite sensible because it defused potential violence.

@leli Also I think a lot of people (myself included) would be thinking as OP's wife is presumably thinking now, that we have to live with this neighbour for 6 months so it's more bearable if there's no ill feeling, so she just did what he wanted.

I wouldn't assume he's a hardcore 'nutter' - a lot of people are a bit weird about parking, 'their' space etc.

BluebellForest836 · 14/06/2020 22:02

A lot of women would NOT of done what the wife did.
Some of us actually have back bones and are able to say no and not let people bully us.
OP your wife needs to toughen up and you should of knocked on the door straight away and told him to not harass her again and he’s not welcome to knock on your door again.

ContessaferJones · 14/06/2020 22:04

I'm generally viewed as quite bolshy but if an angry man came and shouted/talked aggressively at me then I would, in the past, have done whatever it took to make him stop being angry with me. I've got older and more confident, but haven't forgotten how it felt to be scared and angry with myself for being so. Therefore please do go around and politely stand up for your wife, if only to show the arsehole that she has backup.

ShinyFootball · 14/06/2020 22:04

Another point here is that the vast majority of posters are focused on the wife and finding her lacking.

Has anyone pointed out that a man saying come out and do it now, oh there's a kid don't worry do it later, is not a great bloke? Why so little focus on his behaviour?

Hileni · 14/06/2020 22:07

The man was aggressive to the point of her crying while she was at home alone with a three year old,
So the issue here is the aggressive man, not the terrified woman.

^ This.

Soontobe60 · 14/06/2020 22:09

So, some of you seem to think that a man making a woman feel that she has to do as he said is the fault of the woman? Others asking what's wrong with her that she didn't say no? Where's your support here? Or are you all misogynists?

AskingforaBaskin · 14/06/2020 22:09

Why didn't she just close the door?

WhitbyGoth · 14/06/2020 22:10

Oh the knight in shining armour eh OP? Goodness sake your wife should be more considerate as should you.

recycledteenager24 · 14/06/2020 22:11

a lot of bitchiness on here op, welcome to aibu

saraclara · 14/06/2020 22:12

Wow. An absolute shit ton of victim-blaming on this thread. It's almost unbelievable. What's wrong with everyone?

OP, seriously I'm coming down on the side of you going round there, though it might not have the same impact as if you'd gone straight away.
Make it clear that there are no laws against parking outside his house, that you will obviously aim not to, but if there's no option, that you and your wife WILL - especially when you have the child with you. And that if he ever berates your wife over it again, you will be reporting him.

missmouse101 · 14/06/2020 22:14

It's always would/could/should HAVE, never OF. So many people writing 'of' that it's making reading comments very difficult since it makes no sense at all. Upsetting experience OP, but so many people seem to think they have some bloody claim on the road outside their house. How arrogant of the neighbour.

Branleuse · 14/06/2020 22:15

he sounds like a dickhead. Im not sure the point of going inflaming situation though with a pissing contest.
I wonder if your wife will feel more confident telling him to fuck off next time now she knows it is him, not her. She can park there if she wants.

Justaboy · 14/06/2020 22:15

Hey Ho! where i grew up this would have been settled with a bout of gentlemanly fisticuffs!

But these days;(.

StarScream22 · 14/06/2020 22:16

that it's making reading comments very difficult since it makes no sense at all

No it’s not at all Grin you’re just being an ass.

BluebellForest836 · 14/06/2020 22:17

My support is by telling her she needs to get a backbone and now bow to a man.
He said jump and she said how high sir.
Just shut the bloody door... leaving her 3 year old on the wall on his/her own to placate a strangerConfused

Yes the aggressive man is also a dick but there are tons of twats out there... shall we just cry every time we encounter one

Livelovebehappy · 14/06/2020 22:18

TBH, the fact you’re only going to be there a short time is to your advantage. Fair enough if you had moved into a home where you were going to be living for a few years, because you would try and compromise a bit to avoid conflict. But only there for 6 months? I would have handed his arse to him on a plate. Problem with bullies is that if you let them get away with it, things only get worse.

Pinkyyy · 14/06/2020 22:18

An absolute shit ton of victim-blaming on this thread

Because people are pointing out that an irresponsible parent and leaving your toddler unattended outside a house you have only just moved to, so around people you don't even know, was unacceptable?

BluebellForest836 · 14/06/2020 22:18

Not bow*

fia101 · 14/06/2020 22:22

I lived in a place that like once - On street parking and I just moved in. No allocated spaces.

Day 3 someone keyed my lovely new mini and left a note about my car pissing them off being parked there

carexfairex · 14/06/2020 22:24

An absolute shit ton of victim-blaming on this thread

There is no victim. Bloody nonsense.

ToBBQorNotToBBQ · 14/06/2020 22:30

Work on your wife's self esteem. I'd have said no and closed the door. Why did she move the car and leave your child.

janetmendoza · 14/06/2020 22:38

Um the wife is the victim. She was 'harassed' and the perpetrator was 'aggressive'. It is not okay to be harassed by an aggressive person. I'm sorry your wife had to deal with the wanker. Don't suppose a visit from you will make things better however.

Jkslays · 14/06/2020 22:40

@Bluntness100

Is she not able to stand up for herself? I think I’d be more concerned she felt unable to say no to him and close the door.
Why would this concern you? What’s concerning about it?

A lot of people don’t like confrontation especially when they are with children. Also when your taken by surprise sometimes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. Some women are intimated when a bloke starts harassing them. What so fucking odd people can’t get that?

OP I’d let this one go as your only there for a short time. He sounds like a proper dick head and it’s best just to avoid - for now

kattekitt · 14/06/2020 22:45

I would speak with him, we’ve had terrible trouble with our Male neighbour. He waits for DH to go out and then if I’m in the garden will be straight out being very aggressive. It’s at the stage we had to involve the police. I am very capable of sticking up for myself but in that situation nobody knows exactly how they’ll react until it happens.

Give your wife a hug. It’s a horrible predicament to be put in. I’m not suggesting getting the police involved in your case but keep in mind if things get any worse. He’s a dick and unfortunately you’re stuck with him for 6 months. We’re stuck with ours indefinitely as there is no chance he will make us leave our home.

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