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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour upset my wife

213 replies

DaddyofMonsters · 14/06/2020 20:32

We’ve just moved into a new town and are renting a house while we find the right property to buy. We’ve been in three days and the next door neighbour came round while I was out walking the dog and harassed my wife into moving her car so he could park outside his house. It’s on street parking, no allocated spaces. He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car. As I arrived back I just saw her parking up and going back in. I got the full story with tears inside and I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words. However, we’re only going to be here for 6 months while we buy and my wife begged me not to go confront him so AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
DaddyofMonsters · 14/06/2020 21:25

Right the consensus seems to be: 1. My wife needs to stand up for herself, which I agree with. 2. He’s a nob. Also agree and 3. Not to go round and make a scene as it will achieve nothing.

OP posts:
FenellaMaxwell · 14/06/2020 21:26

And 4. Your wife needs to never ever leave a toddler alone outside near moving vehicles.

moveandmove · 14/06/2020 21:27

She needs to learn to be more assertive. She should not allow herself to be bullied into leaving your 3 year old sitting on a wall alone!

TheTrollFairy · 14/06/2020 21:28

With people like this it’s usually more beneficial to help your wife take steps in learning to assert herself against dicks like this.
I can guarantee he wouldn’t have been so aggressive if it was you and your car sit in that spot

pinktaxi · 14/06/2020 21:28

What is it going to achieve going round there waving your dick in the air? He will still be a knob and sounds like the type to break a wing mirror or two if confronted. Leave it as they are not goi g to be neighbours for long.

2bazookas · 14/06/2020 21:30

Some women are timid, and many women are a little afraid of men they don't know.

Then the obvious way to stay safe is to close and lock the door; NOT go outside with him and let him separate her from a child.

Freddiefox · 14/06/2020 21:31

@DaddyofMonsters

Right the consensus seems to be: 1. My wife needs to stand up for herself, which I agree with. 2. He’s a nob. Also agree and 3. Not to go round and make a scene as it will achieve nothing.
I disagree, go round there and politely say you are aware of what happened. And wife won’t more the car again and next time please don’t ask her to. Yes she should have a backbone but it’s not always that simple.
ScarfLadysBag · 14/06/2020 21:33

Tbh only being there six months would make me more inclined to go round and have it out with him, as you don't have to live with him long term or learn to get along, really!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/06/2020 21:34

Yes. Because a neighbour outside and a partner locked in a house with a physically weaker woman is exactly the same.

Of course they're not the same, but they are linked. Exactly how much male intimidation and aggression do you think a woman should be prepared to ignore and brush away before she can be considered a proper victim?

We don't know in this case if he was being (or trying to be) friendly and ask her not to park there (still has no right to do so on a public road) and she has terrible anxiety or whether he was intimidatory about it. The OP says that he was aggressive and harassed her into moving her car, so it certainly doesn't sound like a friendly request.

The kind of people who insist on being allowed the space outside their own house on the public highway and believe it to be their own territory by rights tend not to be the most reasonable to begin with. All of us, if we don't have a drive or reserved space, want the space closest to our house, but if we see that it's already been taken, we just accept it and find somewhere else.

CW1976 · 14/06/2020 21:37

Well I have a lot of empathy with your wife's situation. I can be a mouthy cow when I want to be, but if I had been caught off guard looking after a young child I may well have relented and then probably felt guilty and stupid afterwards. Just chat about how to deal with the idiot of he ever rears his head again. Take care both x

ShinyFootball · 14/06/2020 21:37

When I've stood up to aggressive bullying men in the past I've not come out of it that well.

Amazed at the amount of posters who say it's a good idea.

'Women can only be picked on if they allow it. We need to take responsibility for ourselves' this comment is particularly unpleasant. Seen the DV and murder stats for women during lockdown? Read the news about rape? Etc etc etc

saraclara · 14/06/2020 21:38

I suggest that next time you take the car out, on returning YOU park it outside his house. See what happens then.

holidaydreaming1 · 14/06/2020 21:38

I would go round yes absolutely or it will likely continue. He needs knocked down a peg or 2. He sounds like a total prick. I can't stand people like this and there's nothing worse than having horrible neighbours.

When me and DP first moved into a rented block of apartments there was a horrid man and his wife downstairs, the same we moved in he came upstairs knocking on our door all guns blazing in the middle of the day complaining we were making too much noise, ffs we were just moving our belongings in. I struggled with assertiveness then I was only just 20 and I always regret not telling him where to go and to a grip.

He used to give us filthy looks in the car park and a few days later (DP was working away and I was always in bed by 10 latest for work) he rang EA to complain we were scraping furniture round in the middle of the night, absolute bullshit. I was so furious I went down to confront him and see what on earth was going on, against the advice of DP who was away and they didn't answer the door. They were total weirdos and made me paranoid and hate every minute living there. People must be so bored and lead extremely sad lives to go on in this bizarre way.

HermionesMom · 14/06/2020 21:41

Is she not able to stand up for herself? I think I’d be more concerned she felt unable to say no to him and close the door.

You seem to post 24/7 and yet always miss the point. It's a skill of sorts.

The man was aggressive to the point of her crying while she was at home alone with a three year old,
So the issue here is the aggressive man, not the terrified woman.

OP you would be very unreasonable as your wife has asked you not to. Why would you think your opinion is more important than that of your wife or that she as an adult can't decide what is the safest method going forward?

Truthpact · 14/06/2020 21:44

Can understand why she would be intimidated really, some people are very aggressive in their manner and some people cant handle that.

But I wouldn't go round there. Play the long game. If you can, either buy or borrow a car from someone, doesn't have to be expensive. When dickhead neighbour goes out, park directly outside his house. Feign all knowledge of who owns said car. Never move it. Drive the bastard nuts. As long as its taxed and moted, there's bugger all he can do.

Notashandyta · 14/06/2020 21:44

Only read page one and shocked by how many posters questioning the wife! You only have to have a couple of daughters to know that some girls are more timid than others for crying out loud!

It's nice you want to stick up for her but I'd say defo leave it, he is a bit of an arse and not worth your time

Pinkyyy · 14/06/2020 21:45

If your wife is so anti-confrontation that she would rather put your 3 year old on danger (leaving her on a wall WTF?!!) then she needs to work on that asap.

carexfairex · 14/06/2020 21:46

Only read page one and shocked by how many posters questioning the wife! You only have to have a couple of daughters to know that some girls are more timid than others for crying out loud!

She is not a timid girl she is a grown ass woman with a child for goodness sake. Shutting the door was an option.

crispysausagerolls · 14/06/2020 21:46

And 4. Your wife needs to never ever leave a toddler alone outside near moving vehicles

This. I would still go round if I were you and say something like “we aren’t moving the car again - there are no designated spots here.”

RachelGreen45 · 14/06/2020 21:46

Personally I’d leave my car on his front for about 3 weeks after a stunt like that but I’m a petty cow😂 then again I wouldn’t of moved it in the first place he’d of got a firm fuck off and a door slam if he’d shouted me down.

OntheWaves40 · 14/06/2020 21:46

@RedRed9 because she parked outside his house or she’s parked taking up two spaces given she could move it quite easily into a space not far from her house since OP came home and found her parking up so presumably not far from the house.

OntheWaves40 · 14/06/2020 21:48

A diagram would help us understand if your wife was parked somewhere silly. Big difference between your neighbour being frustrated at your wife’s silly parking and your neighbour being a bully and wanting to park outside his house.

StarScream22 · 14/06/2020 21:49

Be petty like me. I had an argument with a neighbour about me parking my car outside their house. If they had asked me nicely, I would have moved it. But they were a cunt, so I left my car there for 8 weeks and cycled/ used my husbands car.

crispysausagerolls · 14/06/2020 21:51

@StarScream22

So so so much of these things is how people ask, isn’t it?

StarScream22 · 14/06/2020 21:52

Yep!