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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour upset my wife

213 replies

DaddyofMonsters · 14/06/2020 20:32

We’ve just moved into a new town and are renting a house while we find the right property to buy. We’ve been in three days and the next door neighbour came round while I was out walking the dog and harassed my wife into moving her car so he could park outside his house. It’s on street parking, no allocated spaces. He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car. As I arrived back I just saw her parking up and going back in. I got the full story with tears inside and I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words. However, we’re only going to be here for 6 months while we buy and my wife begged me not to go confront him so AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 15/06/2020 00:45

Sorry, my mistake - it appears he came searching for the house of the car owner when he arrived home?

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/06/2020 00:45

Awful victim blaming on this thread. Some women really struggle to stand up to an overly aggressive man.

It would be victim blaming to say she deserved it because she caved. She didn't deserve to be spoken to in that way at all and the neighbour behaved appallingly.

But it's not victim blaming to say that to be a suitable caretaker of children you need to be capable of standing up to verbal aggression rather than endangering the child. It's a necessary competency for the role. If I foundout someone with care of my children would behave in that manner when faced with verbal aggression they would not be in sole care of my children again. It's really not good enough for that responsibility.

Whataloadofshite · 15/06/2020 00:48

@DaddyofMonsters go round and get him bloody told!

CardsforKittens · 15/06/2020 01:08

I disagree with some PP. I think he needs to be told not to be rude to your wife. And I think you’re the one to tell him. No need for violence or raised voices - just a clear and calm indication that his attempts at intimidation will not be tolerated.

HeyBlaby · 15/06/2020 01:18

I do hate the 'no one should park near my house' brigade.

Buy a £200 banger (mot and tax in place or course) and park it there for a while Wink

DonkeyHotei · 15/06/2020 06:39

You seem to post 24/7 and yet always miss the point. It's a skill of sorts

HermionesMom Wine

Thank GOD someone has finally said it......

crispysausagerolls · 15/06/2020 07:15

She wouldn’t have had conflict if she’d calmly said ‘well I can’t move it now, as I’m looking after my daughter, so you’ll have to wait and speak to my husband...’ That’s hardly ‘conflict’!! That’s called prioritising the safety of your child and speaking and acting like a grown up

This. I have been in a similar situation. DS hated the car seat and would scream and there would be no way I would strap him in to move for this sort of thing/do anything but strap him in. So I couldn’t move the car 🤷🏻‍♀️

This sort of man is the sort of person who will probably respond to a male so worth going round - he does sound like a bully.

Givingup123456 · 15/06/2020 07:22

A few years ago i would have done exactly what your wife did. Now I would have told them to f off and shut the door. But then i am getting a bit tired of entitled knobs wandering around. İt's amazing how many there are actually!

ThatLockdownLyfe · 15/06/2020 07:31

My dad was punched in the face over parking. With a knuckle duster.

My dad is 5 ft 5 and 65.

You can never be too careful where aggressive men are concerned.

The wife did the right thing especially since there was a child involved.

Casschops · 15/06/2020 07:31

Why do some people feel like they need to blame the woman in this situation. End of the day the neighbour was the one out of order. Jeez tallk about "victim blaming ".

mybowelshatepregnancy · 15/06/2020 07:39

He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car.

Unless he had a gun to her head he didn't make her do this. If she really wanted to move the car she should have put the child in the car seat. It's such a bad idea to sit a 3yo there on their own while cars are moving, really bad judgement.

mybowelshatepregnancy · 15/06/2020 07:41

Oh and the guy was an arsehole there's no doubt about that, I don't think anything will be achieved by you going round though.

HermionesMom · 15/06/2020 07:44

I admit to not having read the full thread but the wall in question, was it 6 feet tall or the sort of wall that goes around town gardens where they have minimal parking and is actually about 18 inches tall and children tend to sit anyway?

People are acting like she left a baby hanging there like fucking Humpty Dumpty which I'm guessing is not the case.

HermionesMom · 15/06/2020 07:47

But it's not victim blaming to say that to be a suitable caretaker of children you need to be capable of standing up to verbal aggression rather than endangering the child.

Or maybe, she, as the adult who was actually there, did a risk assessment and decided that leaving a well behaved three year old in their own front garden was a safer place than in the back seat of a car with a crying and terrified person who may well not being driving as safely as they would normally.

I've have had no problems with leaving a three year in my front garden while I with chatted with a neighbour in similar situations. It depends entirely on the child.

IKEA888 · 15/06/2020 08:10

We had issues like this once.
In all honesty don't confront him. Give him what he wants or you may end up insane

contrmary · 15/06/2020 08:17

If he made - as in forced - your wife to move the car, call the police.

Alternatively get a knackered old caravan and park it outside his house.

ptumbi · 15/06/2020 08:20

Oh god, this poor girl (with her own child) was harrassed so much by next door, that her husband had to write on MN to get advice! What to do, what to do.....

And No, I would not have 'been made to' leave my child on a nearby wall. A headline only recently was that a woman ran over her own child when reversing. Sad

She needs to learn to say NO, or, if so conflict-averse, so say 'No but my husband will be along shortly, maybe he'll do all the talking and negiotiating whilst I wring my hands in the background'. Angry

birthdaybelle · 15/06/2020 08:27

Does she have mental health issues? If so then fair enough but honestly, otherwise, I'd be considering some assertiveness classes for her. These are every day kind of issues that will keep coming up.

It's not normal for a grown woman to cry because she was asked to move the car. Do you worry about her?

YgritteSnow · 15/06/2020 08:29

Women can only be picked on if they allow it. We need to take responsibility for ourselves. Hence the question if this woman has issues the op has failed to mention?

Is this true of all instances of Male aggression against women or just aggressive car parking tantrums?

Soontobe60 · 15/06/2020 08:32

@Wearywithteens

It’s not misogyny or ‘victim blaming’ to say that the wife’s response, ie: “She got flustered and doesn’t like conflict so just did what he said” Is not a wise or mature response if the alternative is leaving your toddler on a wall, however short a time. She actually LEFT her 3 year old on the instruction of some angry random who actually had no rights to the parking space anyway!

She needs to learn that just because someone presents an angry face, doesn’t make them right. She wouldn’t have had conflict if she’d calmly said ‘well I can’t move it now, as I’m looking after my daughter, so you’ll have to wait and speak to my husband...’ That’s hardly ‘conflict’!! That’s called prioritising the safety of your child and speaking and acting like a grown up.

Again, victim blaming. What would you say to a woman who was being hit by her partner in front of their child? Advise her to tell him calmly to stop hitting her?
cobblers123 · 15/06/2020 08:37

As long as your vehicle is taxed and you are not contravening any other traffic laws, you are allowed to park anywhere on a public highway (but not on footpaths/pavements) where it is legal to do so.

There are too many dimwits who think they have an automatic right to park outside their own property and no-one else can - they don't.

RachelGreen45 · 15/06/2020 08:38

@StarScream22 I think we’re the same person, I had neighbours exactly the same and they got this treatment too😂 only difference is mine rang the council and the police and reported it as abandoned, knowing full well it’s my fucking car🙄 bastards!

FrangipaniBlue · 15/06/2020 08:56

Welcome to Mumsnet where a woman who is bullied by her partner is given sympathy and support, but when bullied by a random stranger is to told grow a back bone and stand up for herself Hmm

FFS we've even got people suggesting it was her own fault for parking "silly" and then BINGO has she got mental health issues!!!

FML I despair of this place sometimes Confused

recycledteenager24 · 15/06/2020 09:16

yes, because all mners are either suffering from anxiety or are bolshy, too easy to be bolshy behind a keyboard, a lot of this comes down to the the 3yo doesn't it ?

boredtotears11 · 15/06/2020 09:35

Tbh I’d akso be annoyed at your wife for leaving your 3 year old on a wall. I don’t like confrontation myself but there’s no way in this world a man would have me putting my child in danger. I’m like a lion when it involves my kids.