Neighbour upset my wife

[DaddyofMonsters]

We’ve just moved into a new town and are renting a house while we find the right property to buy. We’ve been in three days and the next door neighbour came round while I was out walking the dog and harassed my wife into moving her car so he could park outside his house. It’s on street parking, no allocated spaces. He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car. As I arrived back I just saw her parking up and going back in. I got the full story with tears inside and I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words. However, we’re only going to be here for 6 months while we buy and my wife begged me not to go confront him so AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?

Does she have mental health issues? If so then fair enough but honestly, otherwise, I'd be considering some assertiveness classes for her. These are every day kind of issues that will keep coming up.

You'd be considering assertiveness classes for her? I would hope her first assertiveness training would be to tell the partner to fuck off.

I’d like the OP to return and explain the 3yo being left on the wall. I just can’t understand anyone -assertive or not - not strapping their child into the car seat, to move the car.

@DaddyofMonsters

Can you elaborate a bit more please? I would also like to understand why the neighbour "making" your wife move your car means he also made her leave your three year old sitting on a wall in the street on her own? I mean, I know I'm quite assertive, so as long as I knew the car was parked legally, I would have politely told him to stop such nonsense, but even if I had been scared of him there is NO WAY IN HELL anyone, and I mean ANYONE, would make me leave my little one sitting vulnerable on the street on their own. I don't know any mother that would. People who aren't brave for themselves become tigers when it comes to their babies. So I am guessing there is a fuller version of this story than you are telling or you have told it in such a way to try as to try to garner sympathy.

@LittleMissRedHat I don’t think you even need to become a tiger. It takes no level of assertiveness at all to say, “OK I’ll move it” and strap your kid into the car seat to do it.

only difference is mine rang the council and the police and reported it as abandoned, knowing full well it’s my fucking car

Can people do this - and have the police actually follow it up, beyond checking the central database (available online to everybody) and then cautioning the person for acting maliciously and/or wasting police time when it shows clearly to all that it's a current in-use taxed and insured vehicle? If a road-legal car is parked in a legal space, how can anybody possibly declare it abandoned - unless it has a tree growing up through the middle of it or something (in which case, how did the owner ever get it to an MoT garage in the first place)?

Some people on this thread have clearly never heard of the old phrase 'the most right person in the graveyard'.

It's not a case of being questioned by the police/authorities and being given a chance to state your case before established due process will determine if anybody is at fault. This man had already decided that he was in the right because he said so - do you really expect him not to take advantage of somebody's physically weaker position to assert his believed dominance?

We all know that she was perfectly within her rights to park there, but most of us also live in the real world. When he aggressively challenged/threatened her, you can be certain that he wasn't genuinely hoping to be enlightened as to what the legal specifics of the situation were.

I don’t like confrontation but I love being passive aggressive so my new favourite parking spot would 1000% definitely now be the one outside his house... and when he comes to complain you can’t move the car because your spouse is out and has the keys/you’ve had a drink.

His reaction is up to him, then - he can cheerfully accept it as 'one of those things', go away grumbling impotently or fetch a blow torch and strip all the paint off your car. You just can't know, especially if you've only just moved in.

Op where exactly had she parked, it seems she moved th car so other space was available, as she left her child on the wall, so could see them, was she over two spaces?

Only you know your wife, not us, but is there a chance he wasn’t actually aggressive just annoyed? Are you of the opinion others would have interpreted it as aggressive?

U less there is a history. Most people not all, but most, go into these situations annoyed or harassed, seldom aggression immediately. I do wonder if a bystander would have viewed it as aggression.

Only you know if her interpretation of the scenario is likely to be the same as others interpretation, if you think others would interpret it the same, then he’s one of those unfortunate few who there is no point talking to, and if others wouldn’t interpret it the same, there is also no point talking to him, the issue to address would how your wife can be helped to cope with normal interactions like an annoyed neighbour wishing a car moved.

Yanbu to be angry and the neighbour is of course wrong as he has no right to park outside his house. But you should respect your wives wishes. She was involved and if she wants to leave it you should do as she asks.

DontStandSoCloseToMe: Totally agree. The OP already said he was aggressive and yet everyone thinks she should have taken him on herself. She is perfectly entitled to park her car where she wants on a public road with no restrictions. Cannot believe people are blaming her.

Hopefully she doesn't really need a man to stand up to the neighbour in this situation. Simple, say no, don't speak to me that way and shut the door. No one "made" her leave a 3 yr old on the wall. That being said, neighbour sounds like an idiot, but she shouldn't have engaged with him. Maybe she needs to learn to be more assertive - not really the type of thing that should reduce her to tears.

Suggest you park in the same space as often as possible and explain the law to the idiot. No one has a ‘right’ to park outside their house.

No one has a legal right to park outside their house as it is public land. Inform your neighbour and tell him, if he does it again you will inform the local authority. He has probably taken advantage of the fact that you (husband) was not at home and that he was trying to flex his muscles.

Shutting the door in his face would have been safer than leaving a 3 year old unsupervised.

No one has a legal right to park outside their house as it is public land. Inform your neighbour and tell him, if he does it again you will inform the local authority. He has probably taken advantage of the fact that you (husband) were not at home and that he was trying to flex his muscles.

If she felt she had to move the car why not take the little one with you.

Not a chance I would have moved the car. I would have just shut the front door.

I have a neighbour like this, she bullies others into doing what she wants by threatening them with legal action (her daughter is a lawyer) or by calling the Police. Me, I don't put up with her shite. Stand up to him, he won't ask again

You should support your wife in going round to him and HER telling him he was rude, aggressive and unpleasant to someone new to the area. She should not have sat your daughter on a wall while she reversed the car, it doesn’t matter what anyone, man or woman tells her to do, your daughters safety was your wife’s priority. Your wife needs to stand up to him, he’s probably a bully who is used to getting his way and you need to support her without getting involved verbally. Even though you’re only there for 6 months, your wife is entitled to be treated with politeness and your neighbour was a knobjockey.

your wife left her child in danger to move a car for a CF neighbour - seriously she needs to grow a pair!!

harassed my wife into moving her car
when you say 'harassed' - what do you mean?

Was he threatening? Intimidating?

Was she frightened?

He was aggressive
details

Now this is the really crucial part he made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car
How did he make her leave the 3 yr old sat on the wall - I really don't get this.
Did he not allow your wife to put your daughter in the car?

Did he somehow get between your wife and daughter and threaten your wife in some way if she moved your daughter?

I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words Totally get this - I would be too, however upon reflection and after calming down, I'd realise that my wife is a grown separate human being who does not need me to step in. She's not a child.

my wife begged me not to go confront
and here is your answer as to what you should do. Your wife, the grown woman, has made it very clear. You may not agree but it's her decision. Unless of course, he threatened her or your child etc. And if that is the case, then I'd be calling the non emergency police number as that is absolutely not acceptable,

AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?
Yes, YABU

If I saw the neighbour I would probably say something - oh, by the way, my wife asked me not to come and speak with you about the parking incident the other day, so I didn't as it's her decision. I do want you to know, however, that we can all park where we like. If there's an unsaid agreement that we park in front of our own homes, then maybe it would have been more civil and neighbourly to explain that rather than being a complete twat and speaking that way to anyone, let alone a woman on her own with her child. If we have to park in front of your house, it is what it is. We won't be moving the car again so don't ask.

PS you seem like a decent person. It's the 21st century. Empower your wife.

I think a lot of you are being too harsh on the wife here- assertiveness & confidence aren’t something that come naturally to everyone for many different reasons. The Neighbor is at fault here, not her.

My arsehole neighbour (long story) came over once with some bullshit complaint. I shut the door in his face. We can only control OUR OWN reactions ..... no one can make anyone do anything.

She left your 3 year old on a wall?

YANBU but gauge it as he may be a nutcase.

The next time you see him outside the house say hello and engage him in conversation, see how he responds; you may get a different personality as he may not be as brave as you. If that's the case calmly ask him why he felt he needed to intimidate your wife into moving her car when a police request would have sufficed?

Then tell him your wife was very upset, you're a reasonable man but you won't stand for that behaviour again. If he asks you what you mean by that simply tap your nose, fix him with a look and walk back into the house leaving him to wonder.... after all, he doesn't know you either.