Neighbour upset my wife

[DaddyofMonsters]

We’ve just moved into a new town and are renting a house while we find the right property to buy. We’ve been in three days and the next door neighbour came round while I was out walking the dog and harassed my wife into moving her car so he could park outside his house. It’s on street parking, no allocated spaces. He was aggressive and made my wife leave my 3 year old daughter sat on the wall outside while she moved the car. As I arrived back I just saw her parking up and going back in. I got the full story with tears inside and I was of course furious and ready to storm round and give him a few choice words. However, we’re only going to be here for 6 months while we buy and my wife begged me not to go confront him so AIBU to want to go explain exactly why he should not come and be rude to my wife while she’s alone with the kids?

Your wife sounds like a total wet blanket to be honest. Why didn’t she just say no? And how did he make her leave the child on a wall?

I'd be cross with my partner.
The hounds of hell couldn't make me leave my child alone.

Tell her next time to close the door and ignore.
Twats exist in the world. She needs to learn to stand up for herself.

Your poor wife
I wouldn’t go around to challenge him
I would support her in trying to work out what to do next time this happens. Eg to ignore him and if he persists in being rude and challenging how to report his antisocial behaviour.

I'm assuming OPs wife didn't want an even bigger scene in front of her toddler and was concerned about what this unknown but aggressive person would do if she refused

Really? Because the rest of us are wondering why she didn’t just shut the bloody door if she was that concerned.

Yes, please go and tell him off. I’m strong and independent, good at managing and dealing with conflict at work, but due to some bad experiences struggle to assert myself in my personal life. I’d be embarrassed and upset, and probably say to my DH not to go but ultimately would feel happier and safer in my home when he inevitably would go and make the neighbour back off. You know your wife best, it can be really scary to stand up to a strange man in your house, so blaming her is surely misguided and out of the question.

there are so many mnerswith anxiety on the forum i guess none of them have it on your thread but they are ready to pile on regardless.you are only there short term it's annoying but i doubt he'd have a go at you because he's a bully who can only pick on women who he thinks he can push around.

Very strange post.

How did this man bully your wife?
Why didn’t she say ‘no, I’m home alone with my four year old’, if she was worried about leaving your child?
Your neighbour sounds awful.

No I don't understand this story she left child on the wall could she not put her in the car with her ?
She was in tears why ?
You was annoyed and wanted to tell him so why ?
Your wife was right to be miffed but she could of told her so and certainly didn't need you to do that .

I would suggest your wife works on her backbone and standing up for herself. You don't need to act on her behalf any more than she does yours.

Oh I'd go round. Would he have been so aggressive with a 6 foot man? Doubt it. Ask her to move, sure but get aggressive with her? Over a parking space? Fuck off. Honestly I think she should have stood up for herself but if she struggles with that then by all means I'd be going round there and explaining exactly where his car and his body would end up, should he intimidate her again. What a knob.

She shouldn't have moved the car.

But she did.

So now park in front of your neighbour's house every time you can and refuse to move it going forward.

Personally, I would make a point of parking outside his house at every opportunity - and would tell him to stick it up his *rse if he tried to be unpleasant.

And if he got aggressive, I would ring the police.

Where did she park the car after? If you saw her and she left your daughter on the wall then presumably she didn’t move it far, I’m guessing she’d parked it someone silly in the first place. However that doesn’t excuse someone being aggressive towards her but I wouldn’t waste my time having a word with the neighbour instead I’d be having a word with your wife and asking what you can do to help her get herself help to deal with her anxiety/lack of assertiveness/crying episode.

he's a bully who can only pick on women

Women can only be picked on if they allow it. We need to take responsibility for ourselves. Hence the question if this woman has issues the op has failed to mention?

Would he have been so aggressive with a 6 foot man

How do you know how tall the op is? Do you know him? Because if not he could just as well be five foot four and his wife six foot.

I can only assume that some people have never encountered a big, angry, aggressive man trying to put somebody he perceives as weaker in their place - and are thus failing to accept that this scenario ever happens to anybody.

Some people are adept at intimidating and frightening people in order to get what they want. You don't know how far they might escalate it - and they capitalise on your not knowing. This woman had a small child with her to protect.

You might as well scoff at a mugging victim and say "Why didn't you just refuse to hand over your handbag? If he had a 12-inch knife, he was carrying it illegally and you had done nothing wrong, so you had nothing at all to worry about in asserting this and informing him that he was jolly well breaking the law....".

I’m guessing she’d parked it someone silly in the first place.
Why are you guessing that @OnTheWaves40 ? The OP clearly states it was so that the neighbour could park in front of his own house.

For what it’s worth OP I think your neighbour sounds like a dick but I also think your wife should have just said no. Or at the very least pretended she was being called away or find some other pretend reason to have to walk away and shut the front door on the neighbour.

Presumably people park outside their own houses & this is respected as a matter of courtesy. It just makes it easier for everyone.
Your wife isn’t 12 years old. Just leave it & park outside your own house in future.

Wierd responses on this thread. We can all be caught off guard and taken advantage of by bullies, men too. Of course you shouldn't be cross with your wife.

The man's demeanour was obviously threatening enough for her to do something she was very uncomfortable with, as the least bad option.

Ugh, weird, not wierd.

She got flustered and doesn’t like conflict so just did what he said.

So she can't be trusted to put your child's safety first?

Nobody would “make me” leave my young child sitting on a bloody wall whilst I moved a car. Jesus Christ. Not ok.

he's a bully who can only pick on women

Women can only be picked on if they allow it. We need to take responsibility for ourselves. Hence the question if this woman has issues the op has failed to mention?

So the two women murdered every single week by a male partner are to blame for their own deaths simply for allowing it?

@AskingforaBaskin

Quite

Yes. Because a neighbour outside and a partner locked in a house with a physically weaker woman is exactly the same.