There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

Here's your medal

Oh hush.

Good for you.

Please accept that everyone’s experience is not yours and the data available suggests your children are not typical toddlers who are actually hell beasts in disguise.

My dc didn’t go through terrible two but once they got to 3 and 4 oh dear I paid then. Buckle up op.

Good for you hun. It perhaps isn't outside the realm of possibility that everyone is different, everyone's children are different, and for some they have a tonne of crap going on beside their children which pushes them to breaking point? Well done you though, you are far superior.

Yanbu op. We're not allowed to talk about it though; it just generates comments like above. And then every person thinks the twos are difficult.

Not sure what the point of this post is? Are you asking is everyone else in the world a bad parent and are you (even though you don’t do anything particularly amazing) the only good one?
Yes op that’s right. I apologise on behalf of us all.

Just wait until you get to the fucking fours OP in advance!

You must just be a really, really good parent. Much better than the rest of us.

Terrible twos is that age where they are impulsive and don't understand why they shouldn't do something. Leading to overload of emotions and tantrums.

Tantrums are in fact a normal part of development. Id be very concerned if mine never had any tantrums.

And there's fuck all wrong with putting space between you and your child in order for both of you to calm down. That's for the other mothers of toddlers out there who might read this. Not you, you don't need to hear it because you and your darling children are perfect.

All kids are different. My daughter never drew on the walls or anything like that when she was 2, but at age 3 she has huge temper tantrums about simple things like getting dressed or eating dinner. I doubt if there are any kids out there who havent ever misbehaved or done something which pushed their parents limits - if there is there is probably a problem!

Would you like a parenting medal? Well done OP you are a better parent than me! I’ve got three and they definitely can be bloody difficult on some days and I have yelled. Oh and the terrible twos actually are a thing... they are at a very overwhelming stage in their development where they understand a lot more than they can communicate, they’re fighting with the simultaneous need to have you around and want to be independent. It’s not specifically at two but this is the rough age, and all of these extra emotions that they cannot control and fully process can make them extremely difficult. It’s not their fault at all, but it’s definitely a really thing.

Some of the toddler behaviour like drawing on walls or playing with make up isn't always "bad" behaviour. They are experimenting and don't know the rules yet. They also don't have impulse control. As other people have said, they are all different!

My DD was a beautifully behaved 2, 3, 4 year old. She got to 5-6 and she was still amazing but she started doing silly stuff. Messing with my makeup, running the water really fast in the bathroom and soaking everything, getting her paints out without an adult and getting it everywhere. She tried to clear nesses up herself but that usually made it worse.

My point is, OP, don’t count your chickens just yet.

OP, I could have written your post if I'd stopped at two. Then I had DC3...!

It really is only partly good parenting and partly your toddler's personality.

*messes

Hehehe good luck OP.

We had a terrible time with our first as a toddler, we read a lot of books and changed out approach and she stopped having tantrums. We have three now, youngest is 4, neither DC2 or 3 has ever had a tantrum, or needed 5 mins out. They do misbehave, for sure, but I don't recognise the "terrible 2s" or 3s in either of them.

Parenting? Maybe... most people just say we've been really lucky. I wouldn't ever judge someone with a tantruming child as you just don't know their circumstances.

Culturally, I do think we could do a better job of supporting parents with skills and training rather than just shrugging our shoulders and telling ourselves that tantrums are "normal".

Do you have any friends with children the same ages as yours OP? Surely you see them having tantrums etc?

We didn't have terrible twos with our kids either. Threenagers however...

How old actually are your children anyway? I found 3 much worse than 2.

That's not a very kind comment OP. My toddler gets fustrated because I'm deaf and sometimes i struggle to understand what shes saying. She has tantrums like any other kid. It a big part of brain development too and identifying/ navigating emotions. Its not a reflection of my parenting. Maybe you are lucky. Maybe your time is yet to come. Shall we all just continue doing our best and saying nothing if we have nothing good to say?

My son was a sod from the age of 2 to the age of 5. He's coming out the other side now but the tantrums and refusal to do anything I asked was hard work. I was a lovely mum that didnt shout at him etc either. Some kids are harder than others.... never had the same problems with my daughter. Good luck OP, I fear you may still have it all to come

In the last few days my ds (2yrs 4 mths) has launched a large toy across the room at his baby sister, drawn on the table, wall and himself, hit the dog, hit me, thrown numerous tantrums, refused food, demanded food, fed his food to the dog, and generally been a bit of a shit at times. He has also cuddled his sister, told me he loves me, drawn me pictures, 'read' stories to his sister, and tried to teach her shapes and flashcards. Hes a perfectly normal two year old, I love the bones of him, and sometimes he drives me nuts.

I'm happy for you that your experience of parenting toddlers is so much more positive than mine, but really, is there any need for such a goady thread? Do you find it so hard to consider that other peoples lived experiences are so different to yours? Parenting is tough. It can also be incredibly rewarding. But threads like these are what lead to mothers in particular seriously doubting themselves if they are struggling, instead of seeking out help and support.

You are aware that this post is going to make other people feel like crap regardless of whether you meant too or not.

I can't call you what I want to because I've been told off for that before. But go have a word with yourself and don't come back!

Yanbu op. We're not allowed to talk about it though; it just generates comments like above. And then every person thinks the twos are difficult.

No one cares if yours are well behaved or not, it's the judgemental well it must be the parents fault then.