There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

You've got to be a troll.

how I very occasionally had to put my 17 month old down in her cot and walk away for a minute or two to calm down, when she was REALLY testing my patience. OP responded to my thread saying how she had NEVER done that

I've done it many times, we are all only human, and it's far better to put them down for a few minutes and have some space- as long as they're safe, which they are in the cot, than to get wound up. We have to look after ourselves as well, and they are annoying at times.

From what I read, the OP wasnt slating other people's toddlers. She was slating how other people parent and basically saying SHE is doing it the right way whereas all other parents are doing it wrong.

I did just had to laugh when I read the opening OP.

I also read what she wrote to the poster on the other thread. How absolutely patronising.

Please explain OP (if you ever return to the thread under the username you started it with) why someone who feels frustrated at a time when their child is having an almighty tantrum you accuse them of not being 'engaged enough or spending enough time with' their child. AND blaming the toddler's tantrums on boredom?? From my 21.5 years of experience being a mum toddlers will tantrum right in the middle of fun packed activities, often because they get over excited which then leads to their inability to reign in their emotions.

You should maybe read about child psychology rather than regurgitated parenting manuals.

I also think you are incredibly presumptuous to think that everyone who gets frustrated or needs a short break from their DC when they are acting up are also shouting and swearing at them, and you lack of ability to fathom that the parents you are criticising would have tried all sorts of parenting techniques before reaching the point of placing their child in their cot for 5 minutes

Your DC are never out your sight?? I'm surprised you can even see them from way up high on your pedestal.

I have 4 DC, ranging from adult to baby. 1 diagnosed autistic, 3rd DC awaiting diagnosis. I have placed my DC in their cot and taken 5 minute breaks when needed.

Shame on you for your awful judgements on other parents.

2.5 Bless your heart. Ten years from now you’ll wake up in the middle of the night drowning in shame over this post.

I had an absolutely angelic baby. Slept through the night at 7 weeks onwards and was an absolute joy of a child. Occasionally I was a teeny bit smug about this. But told myself off and reminded myself it was just luck.

Then he turned 2 and was screaming for some reason. It was so bad I was going to call the GP, when my mum pointed out it was just his first tantrum.

He’s had bloody loads since.

Maybe parenting plays a part, but I think it’s just sheer luck

I read the op and felt bad, then I read this and felt better:

www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tantrum/10-reasons-your-toddlers-tantrum-is-actually-a-good-thing/

🙄🙄🙄

Crikey, there’s a whole spectrum of behaviour for kids isn’t there?

It's not a competition. Why can’t people simply accept that?

Meh, Autistic me and my two Autistic DC refer to NT people as 'the normals'.

In this ADHD-ridden house we call them normies. They're so cute with their long attention spans and ability to sit still. Bless.

A friend of mine had a DH like the OP. Smug as all fuck. Then he had his third child bwahahahaha. She came out screaming and never stopped. I'd call their house and just hear screaming through the whole conversation. Their first two children were biddable and quiet. He then admitted he had zero parenting skills and asked advice. Wanker.

I am always complimented on my sons great behaviour and manners, he is good. However he has drawn on my walls and destroyed one of my lipsticks and neither did I think was "bad" or needed shouting at for, I simply understand he is a toddler finding his way.

Every child is different and that's what makes them great, how boring if they were all the same.

You may be a great parent @maybemaybeII but I fear maybe you should teach your children not to judge people so quickly and understand everyone's situation is different, as their mummy might need to learn that also.

@SquidwardTortellini95

Well I'm sorry that the OP felt that she had to respond in that way.

I have a very well behaved toddler who has never had a tantrum and pretty much does as I say, but I do believe that is 50/50 his personality and parenting, it certainly isn't all based on parenting.

I think if you've placed your child in a cot to walk away for a minute you have actually made a better choice than some parents; some might shout, try and negotiate too much but you cleverly recognised the situation and noticed how to descaled it so I think that's good parenting on your behalf

I’m fascinated as to how a 2 year old gets hold of toothpaste. I kept lots of things out of reach! Including flour, eggs and luckily they didn’t eat near carpets. Not perfect of course but I don’t like extra work or getting annoyed. So I tried to avoid these types of situations!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

I’ve had to walk away from my DTs and I’ve given them time outs. They’ve done most of the things you mentioned.

I’m not a terrible mother, and my children are not (always) badly behaved. They’re perfectly normal toddlers exploring their world and having fun and being a pair of adorable arseholes at times. Their tantrums are generally easily explained, and distracted from for the most part.

We have had times where they’ve been little terrors. The worst day out I literally aimed to make it home with the same number of children that I left with!

I’m really glad that your kids have been such well behaved little darlings, maybe you’ve got lucky or you are just a superior parent than me. Or maybe they’ll bust out the tantrums at some point. Who knows?!

@ My0My

She climbs everything and climbed the toilet seat. She is know to bring out a step ladder on occasions. We really must have eyes at the back of our heads

You have 2 well behaved compliant children and somehow you think it's your parenting that achieved that.

Have a third. I dare you. See if you 'get it right' three times in a row.

OP, ignore the downright nasty posts on here.

Of course your parenting plays a huge part, you only need the slightest bit of common sense to know that.

Parenting plays a huge part in how children are cared for and how they turn out. It does not play a huge part in whether a child will be more of a boundary pusher or if they are more naturally inclined to be better behave. Trust me I have one of each. So did my mum. It's really not just parenting, especially at such an early age where discipline doesn't even really mean anything yet.

@My0My Did you lock all the top cupboards in your kitchen? Many 2yo’s have mastered how to climb, push a chair etc.

I had two that didn’t climb on the surfaces. And my current 2yo who climbed up, got a whole box of eggs, climbed down and cracked them all into a jug for lunch.

All kids are different. And you can’t anticipate every possible thing before it happens.

My ds was great all through until he's gone into his teenage years where he can really rile me. My dd however started tantrums early, didn't nap or sleep for more than 3 hours at once and nearly pushed me over the edge. All children are different. Fingers crossed they remain great.

@My0My

I’m fascinated as to how a 2 year old gets hold of toothpaste. I kept lots of things out of reach! Including flour, eggs and luckily they didn’t eat near carpets. Not perfect of course but I don’t like extra work or getting annoyed. So I tried to avoid these types of situations!

DD was an escapologist. I fitted an extra lock to the top of my front door, went to the toilet, came back to find her on a chair, working out how to open it. At 2.

She's now 9 and in climbing. She's really good as well. Maybe your kid couldn't do the big wall at the climbing gym at 8. Kids are all different.

Good for you op. My dd1 was a delightful toddler, I never got very frustrated or shouted at her. She was a dream. My twins however, are a nightmare in comparison, wilful, stubborn, stroppy, high maintenance. DP returned from work yesterday evening and they had reduced me to tears. In your opinion was I a great parent who suddenly became a crap one?

Well I don't personally like the term terrible twos, it's negative and the majority of behaviour associated with it is perfectly normal. Toddlers are quite naturally inquisitive, some more than others, they're generally still learning social skills such as sharing and turn taking and are usually becoming increasingly independent. All things which can and do lead to those stereotypical 'terrible twos' moments.
Children vary so much and I hate that attitude of 'winning' at parenting as no two parents have the exact same experiences.

I know I'm a good parent and I know plenty about children's development and behaviour due to my day job. But yes, my not quite two year old had been in my make up bag before and he's climbed on pretty much everything in the house. He's not naughty or terrible, but he is energetic and has absolutely no fear at all and I think secretly he quite likes almost giving his mummy a heart attack. I wouldn't change him for the world, but I would really like to once in a while finish a cup of tea between the hours of 7am-7pm.

DC 1&2 had their moments but didn’t do any of the things you mentioned. DC3 came along and couldn’t be left alone for a minute or walls would be drawn on, make up bag played with, cupboards emptied etc. Must be down to my parenting OP 🙄

It's mainly down to personality. Don't congratulate yourself too much you don't know what's round the corner.

I have two with a slightly bigger difference, 22 months. Age 2 was easy even with a newborn and the eldest and then with second. Eldest was emotional 3 year old but youngest - boy someone hit a switch almost on his birthday and he became a really monkey. Had been a real chilled child till 3 and then boy we have had a fun year with him pushing so many boundaries.

I have walked away so I don't lose it when the two of them are pushing buttons, would rather do that than take frustrations out on them.

Oh and as for drawing on walls we still to this day have no idea how my eldest smuggled a crayon into her cot for a nap and coloured in her sheet!

3 has definitely been my challenge so I agree for me I didn't have terrible 2's - I definitely have had two threenagers!!!