There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

They are 2.5yrs and 16m

Come back when they’re teenagers and tell us it’s the same .... I was you with my first, then two and three came, at some point you will regret those words, good luck!

All kids are different.
I never really had any tantrums, and DBro only had a few. DM used to look after toddler DS1 while I worked and he had lots of tantrums for her!

He's been a lovely 3 and 4 year old so far though just very loud

If you’re placating them with TV and chocolate for breakfast then yes that may well be why you’re finding it easier (so in that sense maybe it is your parenting).

Not really (although mine did not watch TV as a toddler actually) but my serious answer is that everyone finds different stages more or less tricky. I found first six months pretty awful then everything after that fine so far. Mine was particularly adorable from about 1-3 then harder for a bit and is now a lovely 6 year old.

Hahahaha well done on praising your own parenting. Let's hope they'll be little shits for you when they hit the teen years. Don't choke on breakfast!

My eldest was an angel at two. Easily distracted out of any upset. I was a gentle/AP parent and rather smug.

She got to three, and oh holy shit. Holy. Shit.

Fourth birthday it was like a switch flicked and she was mostly lovely again.

A much older and wiser lady, the mother of six, once told me that every child WILL go through that phase, no matter what, you WILL have a cripplingly difficult time with them at some point in your childhood. She pointed out that you should thank your lucky stars if you get The Year of Hell done and dusted by the time they start school, as if they save it up for the teen years then you're really in the shit.

I wish you grace

My toddler hasn’t destroyed my make up or drew on walls or other stuff you have mentioned.

Toddlers are highly unreasonable tho as there brains are advancing but there communication isn’t as advanced which results in them being frustrated.

If you’re placating them with TV and chocolate for breakfast then yes that may well be why you’re finding it easier (so in that sense maybe it is your parenting)

I didn't miss that either that's what made me think it was a goady thread.

Mines is absolutely beautiful, loving, switched on and independent, strong willed but the antichrist when doesnt get her own way so yes I've wiped mark's off the wall, had to chase away from cupboards she shouldn't be in repeatedly, watched her watch me whilst shes about to do something she shouldn't and smiling, waited whilst shes thrashed about on the pavement as shes not allowed into a strangers home or allowed to run across the road.

So if you could do a better job, please feel free

I was the same op, I had 2 beautifully behaved toddlers.
Then I had a 3rd...🤯

So because you personally havent experienced terrible twos, you think they dont exist?
What about the rest of us who do have toddlers who tantrum, or tip cereal all over the floor or.... oh my goodness, may help themselves to something that isnt theirs?
My toddler is 2 and half, ive never yelled at him but he can be a right pain in the arse sometimes... even when he drew over my cream sofa with a blue sharpie he was just under 2, he didnt understood it was wrong to do (perhaps because hes still not properly talking, or is that my fault too?

It's almost like different people are different, including 2 year olds.

FWIW DC1 didn't draw on things but was the most obstinate child ever, prone to outrageous screaming fits that lasted literally hours. DC2 has the odd strop, is over it fast, and drew all over the hall and DH's Alexa this week alone when I took my eye off for a second. And I'm a bloody great parent 😂

Oh and your 16mo isn't even 2 yet. You may be eating your words in a year, if you're not then you got lucky.

Meh. Mine didnt do "terrible 2s" and I didnt have any threenagers.

I mean they did throw a whole bag of flour over the room to make it snow, although they were 5 and 3 at the time. And DS2 decided to learn to write his name by writing massive capital Hs all over the place. I couldn't turn my back for more than a second or he would find a pen/pencil and write his H. (No idea why it was a H. His name starts with J)

But they weren't 'terrible' just typical toddlers. I noticed that my friends who did "believe" (for want of a better word) in the terrible 2s seemed to have a worse time. Could be coincidence of course. Its definitely not down to my parenting. I'm shit.

Your children are toddlers, you’ve barely got started!!

DD was an angelic 2 year old really. I can count on one hand the amount of tantrums etc she has had, and never any behaviour like drawing on walls or damaging things. I’ve always tried to parent quite ‘positively’ and calmly. We have occasionally used time out for zero tolerance things like harassing the cat, but it is very rare.

She turned 3 a few weeks ago and has begun hitting out - she pushed a friend the other day, and has started doing things that drive me loopy like shouting at me when I’m on a (very short!) phonecall. She’s been a nightmare to get dressed - kicking and running away - a month ago she just got herself dressed when I asked! I am a much less patient and calm mum these days.

Children change all the time as they develop and grow, some bits are easy and some bits are rubbish.

Your eldest is 2.5? Oh OP, bless you

I’m so glad you’ve come here this morning to tell all us shitty parents how it should be done and how wonderful you and your angel children are. It’s really helpful.

FYI my eldest didn’t have terrible twos. She had terrible threes. And now she’s making it up even more at 7.
My youngest, is most definitely in the throws of terrible twos.

It’s always enjoyable when the ‘I, with my sample size of two’ posters come on to tell everyone else they’re shit parents. So full of empathy for others.

Anyway, for us two was a breeze. Four was like the unleashing of demons from hell. The smug usually get their comeuppance.

My DD didn't go through the terrible twos. From 18mo to 3 she was an absolute angel. Sweet, kind, funny, just wonderful. Then she turned 3, started preschool and morphed almost immediately into a threenager, which lasted well past 3. She's now 6 and mostly lovely again but we still have our moments. She's never been "naughty" in a physical sense (throwing, drawing on walls, etc) she's more one for the back chat and cheekiness.

DS is 2 in July and is already a total demon. I love him but some days I could quite happily put him in the bin. His current things are throwing stuff and shouting "MORE!!!" and flailing on the floor when pretty much anything he likes stops. I'm hoping he'll go back to being lovely sooner rather than later.

In short, YABVU.

I agree completely, OP. Toddlers can be challenging but so can children of other ages. Allowing yourself to name call and lose your temper when it is directed at a very small child is unacceptable. It gives out the wrong message to struggling parents who may feel it is a green light to meet challenging behaviour with aggression and that losing your temper with little children is ok.
I am a teacher, children who are well adjusted and kind and sensible so often come from families that reflect these values.
You would all hate it if nurseries treated children in this way so why allow parents to be so dismissive of the needs of their babies?

Yeah you wrote the same thing against someone who said they were struggling, then you started a new thread to say it again and get more reads. Don’t forget Facebook and Instagram.

Please be mindful that a pan au chocolat isn’t the most nutritious breakfast, ideally we’d be seeing less sugar and more complex carbs.

You should write a parenting book OP.

It’s really helpful.

🤣🤣🤣

Your time will come....

Mine are 5, 3.5 and 1.5 and they all go through phases of being difficult.