There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

What is it with posters who come on and say that because something hasn’t happened to them it therefore doesn’t exist? I’ve never had a broken bone, children that are good sleepers, or a baloney sandwich. Doesn’t mean they aren’t real.

My friend had perfect home births in her perfect house surrounded by her perfect extended family (all have been recorded!). She can't understand women that make a fuss about giving birth.

The body produces its own endorphins - all the natural pain relief that we truly need to give birth!

She can't get her head around the fact that child birth for others isn't as easy or 'enjoyable'.

She also believes that the more challenging children can be at various stages is indicative of how strongly spirited they are. Having a passive, placid child is not something she would welcome.

My eldest never drew on anything but paper, never emptied cupboards etc, but he used to have the most enormous meltdowns, and normally in public. My youngest tips stuff out, but has never had a huge meltdown. Maybe I parent them completely differently.

Be careful who you brag to. A close friend of mine is a clinical psychologist. She was always saying that everybody could get their child to self settle, sleep through, be calm, if they just followed the tried and tested guidance. Her second didn’t sleep, has always been a terrible eater and has quite an anxious personality. She is equally as calm with the second and has tried all the same techniques. She now admits it was probably luck with her first!

Both of my DC started having tantrums at 9 months old. Do I get some sort of special recognition for starting the "terrible twos" before they were even 1? Going by your replies to other posts OP you were posting this just to be goady. Well done, you are a superior parent and rest of us are doing it wrong. Tomorrow I will try leaving them in front of the tv with various chocolate breakfast treats.

I’ll step in for you OP. I never experienced any terrible twos, fours or even teens. I think it’s down to different personalities, parenting styles etc.
I have felt mightily angry with my children at many times though but that’s not really because they’ve been at any particular ‘stage’. I think people expect certain behaviours and then look for them. Another thing I don’t believe in is teething pain but that’s another story.

Do you express these opinions in real life, around people who are struggling?

Or do you just like trying to make people on the internet feel crap?

You say that your post is specifically about toddlers; fair enough. I have a toddler too. He has no impulse control still, so regularly has to be stopped from doing things that are dangerous, trying to eat things that are inedible, using his crayons on the wall instead of the paper, to give a few examples. I don't shout at him, because none of these things are his fault, he's learning 🤷🏼‍♀️ That's not to say the behaviour isn't downright infuriating at times and that I don't have to stop him, which can result in some epic meltdowns. Unlike you, I don't choose to pacify/"treat" him by feeding him pain au chocolate or sticking the TV on. That's not to say I think you're wrong; we're just different parents making different choices in response to (I imagine) very different children.

I'm just a bit perplexed as to why you felt the need to write this post, which is essentially a passive aggressive attempt at making parents who parent differently to you and who have different toddlers feel bad?

I mean, I only have the one child and he was never a difficult toddler but that doesn't mean I don't believe they exist do you really have so little imagination?!

What @MsJaneAusten said, very judgemental and demeaning thread for parents.

The terrible twos don't exist, it's the parents doing it wrong!

Ice!

Nice not ice 🙄

Another thing I don’t believe in is teething pain but that’s another story.

Have you ever had a wisdom tooth come through? Pretty painful, especially if you were getting several at one time and had no idea what was going on.

@rottiemum88 it's because OP is a GF.

My DS who is 4 is a dream and never went through the terrible twos etc. However he was a demon baby so I am fully aware it isn't my parenting but just luck, personality and stage in life.

My DD didn’t hit the terrible twos until she was three. Then all hell broke loose. Four was a pretty rough year too.

I think you have been lucky so far OP and you might stay fortunate or your children may hit the phase a little later.
It’s a bit of a sweeping statement to make when it’s pretty obvious most people do experience the terrible twos with their toddlers.

It would have been like me saying I didn’t understand why people complain about babies not sleeping and having to get up all night to tend to them when DD was a baby. I know I was very, very lucky with her and it’s not common for babies to sleep through from 10 weeks. It was nothing to do with me and everything to do with luck. She was the easiest baby in the world, rarely cried, slept all night, was never really fussy and I know I was just really lucky.

Yet another thinly disguised faux naive “I don’t understand” thread which is no more than a vehicle for the OP to give themselves a pat on the back.

Haha haha... no.

Good for you op. But has it not occurred to you that you might just be one of the lucky ones who has pretty chilled out kids rather than stealth boasting about your impending parent of the year medal?

I have 2 older kids. They are 20 and 13 now. Amazing children, never ever had any trouble from them. Great at bedtime, ate whatever was cooked for them, never tantrums, not destructive etc etc... oh and I was a (young!) teenage parent, go me eh? Nope.

I've gone on to have 2 further children. My boys are 2.5yr and 16m. They are abominations. Absolute wildlings. The absolute opposite in nature of my elder girls. Even my pregnancies were opposite! I am the same parent I was in previous years, but more experienced and patient... yet no. I'm only 37 years old, so not exactly too old for young ones but they are mentally and physically draining the life from me. I cry often.

Perhaps be grateful for the children you have and not be so snide and judgy about other people's parenting. Not all children are the same.

But well done on having lovely kids all the same.

They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I don't think mine ever did any of those things at that age either, but fortunately I wasn't daft enough to draw the conclusion from it that a well documented phase of development didn't exist.

Come back to us when your DC have all left home, done well, managed to live alone, form a stable and loving relationship and have DC of their own. Then be honest about what they were like through the ages 2-22.

If you managed it all unscathed, well done to you. But I would place a bet that at least one of your DC will shred your nerves before they reach adulthood.

Oh, and children are 99% nature, 1% nurture so how they behave is down to genetics (unless they live in a crack-house with drug addicts or murderers).

Final thought, don't go on to the special needs board and post anything like your OP

Lol. I don't even have a kid yet and I know all children are different, the same parents can have totally different experiences of different children. At the moment it sounds like you're lucky that your two are pretty chilled. Stop being so smug.

Your kids are still very young. Mine started the tantrums a bit later at 3-4 years. I think you need to wait a bit before you start posts like this.

Wtf??? The point of this thread is???
Put your tin hat on and go eat your pain au chocolate.
You’ve made me feel rubbish so well done 👍🏼

So you read the other thread about the mum having to walk away for a minute from her toddler, comment some shite about never doing that yourself and then feel the need to make a whole new thread just to make people feel even worse ?

I hated the comparisons when I had my two boys and the perfect mums I came across i had to quickly not see much of as I found it didn't help me at all ! Plus people embellish the truth too. They have short memories.
It was easier in the 90 s as social media didn't exist. It must be harder now as the pressure to be perfect is immense.

Mine were quite easy toddlers. My younger one was a terrible 7 year old, however. I would be really careful with the smug judgement though, OP, especially at such an early stage in your parenting experience. It may well come and bite you on the bum later. Personally, I rubbed my hands with glee when all the people I knew who thought getting their first baby to sleep through the night at a few months old was down to their superior parenting, then had hellish nights with their second!