AIBU - to want my children to have their own bedroom

[newmum332]

I’m due to have twins in July with my DH. We have been together for 5 years and they will be my first children. He has 2 dd’s from his previous relationship, aged 7 and 10.

For context I have obviously been in his dd’s lives for 5 years and I have always been close to them, they are really lovely little girls and we also get on well with his ex partner, there is no animosity.

They normally stay with us every other weekend (pre coronavirus) and 1-2 nights during the week depending on work/school schedules. Sometimes one will stay without the other. We have always been as flexible as possible and happily have them to stay last minute if they want to see their dad during the week when it’s not scheduled.

It was always our plan to have the dsd’s move into the biggest out of the bedrooms, and share when they are here. We would let them pick new furniture decorate etc. Either have bunk beds or 2 singles, whatever they wanted. And then new dc’s would each have a bedroom.

However since we have mentioned this to them, oldest dsd really isn’t happy about it. Saying she might not stay as often and has become less excited about the twins arriving, has pretty moved stopped mentioning it to be honest. Dh is now feeling guilty and feels like we are evicting them from their bedrooms to make way for babies. This isn’t the case. He is having doubts and suggesting the twins could share as they are babies and will need less space, which technically is true but I just want them to have their own rooms.

AIBU to expect our children who will live with us full time to have their own bedrooms, and dsd’s to share when they are here together (which isn’t even all the time). I don’t want to upset anyone and don’t want our dsd to stop coming to see us as often. I feel like she’s almost giving us an ultimatum, is this normal for 10 yo? She has never done anything like this before. I feel like we are running out of time and I want to enjoy the last few weeks without worrying.

Yes, definitely something you don't need to worry about for quite a few years. My twins shared a room until they were around 7yrs old and before we could build an extra bedroom.

The problem with not separating the twins and waiting for another 5 years to do so is
What do you think the oldest dsd reaction will be at 15yo if she told she has to now share a bedroom with her youngest sister? It's going to be even more of a flat NO. From both of them.

Of course, you can then wait until the oldest in 18yo, the twins are 8yo to give them one room each. And deal with all the issues coming with it on a daily basis.

YANBU long term for the twins to have their own rooms, and DSDs who are only there 4 days a month to share a room.

YABU short term to think the twins need their own rooms.

Sit down and explain it to them this way.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread.
But from my experience I'd let dsd's have their own rooms and have dt sharing. My dt shared a moses basket, then a cot and when they went into beds had to be next to each other so they could sleep holding hands. I often found them both asleep in the same bed. They're 11 now and we are only just discussing separate bedrooms.
Dsd will be worried about being pushed out I'd say keep it as is for now. Down the line it does seem fair to have dt in their own rooms if they wish as they'll be there 100% of the time however for now why cause issues for Dsd.

OP this is something for a long way off. I can't even imagine not having twins in together for the first few years. They will be with you for 6 months or so anyway. Then they will want to sleep in the same room.
Give them the big room to share and deal with the future ... in t he future! Why on earth would you raise this now? The DSCs are probably feeling anxious enough about 2 new babies coming into their lives. By the time the twins want / need their own space DSD will be in an entirely different place! Madness!

As a twin myself I would not have wanted a separate room from my sister! Of course it might be different with non identical twins, especially as they get older and if they develop very different characters and interests. Indeed my immediate thought at the idea of separate bedrooms was visceral and I thought it might be rather cruel to separate the babies at birth - but that probably reflects my own feelings.

He is having doubts and suggesting the twins could share as they are babies and will need less space, which technically is true but I just want them to have their own rooms.

They could have their own rooms eventually, but share a room for a while maybe? Young children aren't bothered about complete privacy. Me and my sister(18 months apart) shared a room at first, IDK how long for, maybe until I was about 8 and we moved to a different house. I don't remember it as being unpleasant in any way.

It'd also make it easier for you to check on them.

had to be next to each other so they could sleep holding hands.

@Buckingham1988 Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww xxxxxxxx

Op has updated to say mind has changed and no longer the plan

Twins will need to be together. It would be very odd to put them in separate rooms. What would probably happen is you would create two bedrooms that would not be used and have causes resentment for nothing. This is an issue to be dealt with when your twins need their own space.

Don't seperate twins. It's part of their bonding. My boys are not twins but only a year apart and even though we live in a three bed house, they choose to share. They jump into each other's beds in the night. It's lovely. You sd is at that age where she will take everything personally. It sounds like you have a great relationship with them- don't ruin it.

I know you've taken on board everything that everyone's said. Can I make the suggestion that you drop the words 'new' and 'my' when talking about the twins; the older girls need to feel secure that they are not being replaced and that you are all one family.

My twins wouldn’t sleep apart until they were 6 years old, so I’d put the babies together for now and then kick the ‘separate rooms’ discussion down the road to when the twins actually want their own space! By the time they request it, your step daughters will be older and may not care so much as they do now.

Your twins wont be needing their own space until the girls are a lot older anyway, probably around the age the youngest is now. When they are doing night wakings etc, assuming they are over 6 months and still doing (and I pray theya re not!) you will be grateful they are in the same room.

You are totally over thinking this in the way on a PFB mum can. Just forget about it for the next 2 years at least.

I think this is silly. The twins will presumably be sleeping in a room with you for the first 6 months. And then for the next four years or so, all they do in their rooms is sleep. The rooms don’t actually get used much. Are you going to keep their clothes etc in those separate rooms? So when you’re getting them ready you’re going to go from one room to another getting them ready? It sounds impractical and unfair on the two girls. Your twins will get nothing out of having those rooms to themselves.

Your twins will be much happier together. At 6 years old and after a lot of expense ours got their own rooms, 3 months later we bought a bunk bed!

They will be grand op after a chat, you u turned quickly. Good look with your twins. I can only imagine the excitement

honestly?
id get the twins to share for a few years

and the girls to share when they stay over.

no fights - then when the twins are older,they have rooms ready

so have the spare one as a guest room?/playroom for now?

honestly?
id get the twins to share for a few years

and the girls to share when they stay over.

no fights - then when the twins are older,they have rooms ready

so have the spare one as a guest room?/playroom for now?

honestly?
id get the twins to share for a few years

and the girls to share when they stay over.

no fights - then when the twins are older,they have rooms ready

so have the spare one as a guest room?/playroom for now?

Our BG twins shared a cot for the first 4 weeks until one was too much of a wriggler, even swaddled!
They shared a room until they were six years old, no issue at all.

We’re actually thinking of putting our DD and DS I’m together (5 and 3) because they like sharing and the company at night time even though we have lots of spare rooms

I shared with my twin until I was 13.
Our only real reason for not wanting to share began when we were about 6 or 7 and wanted to play in our room more and felt the beds took up a lot of the room, we wouldn't have minded if we had had bunks!

I have memories of being a very young child and often climbing into bed together. My mother said we were always good sleepers as we were happy together. Keep them together. Remember they are used to being physically close inside your tum!

You want to separate newborn twins and put them in seperate rooms alone?? Thats quite odd

Twins can share dont be silly OP. 19 months between me and my sister and we choose to share a room and had the other room as our playroom. Thats until I got to about 13 and got fed up of her. Why would you separate twin babies?