AIBU - to want my children to have their own bedroom

[newmum332]

I’m due to have twins in July with my DH. We have been together for 5 years and they will be my first children. He has 2 dd’s from his previous relationship, aged 7 and 10.

For context I have obviously been in his dd’s lives for 5 years and I have always been close to them, they are really lovely little girls and we also get on well with his ex partner, there is no animosity.

They normally stay with us every other weekend (pre coronavirus) and 1-2 nights during the week depending on work/school schedules. Sometimes one will stay without the other. We have always been as flexible as possible and happily have them to stay last minute if they want to see their dad during the week when it’s not scheduled.

It was always our plan to have the dsd’s move into the biggest out of the bedrooms, and share when they are here. We would let them pick new furniture decorate etc. Either have bunk beds or 2 singles, whatever they wanted. And then new dc’s would each have a bedroom.

However since we have mentioned this to them, oldest dsd really isn’t happy about it. Saying she might not stay as often and has become less excited about the twins arriving, has pretty moved stopped mentioning it to be honest. Dh is now feeling guilty and feels like we are evicting them from their bedrooms to make way for babies. This isn’t the case. He is having doubts and suggesting the twins could share as they are babies and will need less space, which technically is true but I just want them to have their own rooms.

AIBU to expect our children who will live with us full time to have their own bedrooms, and dsd’s to share when they are here together (which isn’t even all the time). I don’t want to upset anyone and don’t want our dsd to stop coming to see us as often. I feel like she’s almost giving us an ultimatum, is this normal for 10 yo? She has never done anything like this before. I feel like we are running out of time and I want to enjoy the last few weeks without worrying.

I am a little surprised that you would want to put twins into separate rooms as babies. If they were not twins, that's a bit different, but I have never known anyone put their twins in separate rooms while little.

I think the 10yo will be worried about being pushed out.
Your twins won't need their own room until they are 3 or 4 or 5.
Don't meet trouble half way.
Make sure your DSDs aren't pushed aside and when the time comes hopefully they will be happy to share as they will see how much their siblings will benefit.

I wouldn't give the babies their own room over older dc, no. Give the babies the big room to share.

When they are older I would feel differently.

I would be quite careful of the older sibling's feelings of being pushed out when you have a new baby, even without the issues of being a blended family.

This is a discussion for years down the line

Youve already alienated one girl before the twins have even arrived

To be honest I find the thought of twin babies NOT sharing a room really strange! But are you more talking about when they’re older?

I wouldn't put twins in separate rooms until they are older.

By which time the older SD will be wanting to visit less anyway. She'll want to stay home and hang around with her friends.

I think this is something which won’t need addressing for a good few years.
I tried giving mine separate rooms but they shared until they were around 7/8. They wanted company.
I’m not surprised that the dd’s feel pushed out.

Most people put twins in the same cot don’t they? Never mind separate rooms. If I had a friend who had had twins and she told me they were in September rooms I’d be really surprised. It just seems really odd somehow.

You should put your twins in together for the first few years. I wouldn't give babies their own rooms over older kids.

Definitely let the 10 year old have her own room and put the twins in together. The girls have to adjust to two new babies and being pushed out of their rooms and made to share. Not really on. When the twins are older things might need to change but not now.

I'd have the twins in the same room for a good number of years, most twins have an incredible bond

I’d think it would be easier to have twins in the same room for the first few (3??) years?

DTwin and I were six when we went into our own rooms, and even then I really only used mine to sleep in as we hung out in hers. I don't think you need to worry about this for another few years yet.

Why would you plan for unborn twins to have a room each? Utter madness. They can be in the same room for a few years even if they are the opposite sex.
Your SC will be growing up and need privacy as they enter puberty. I can see why the oldest DC is upset. Of course the twins should share.

I wouldn't separate twins anyway, by the time your twins get to an age where they may want their own room, your dsd's will be older, and may not be staying there as much. I would definitely have the twins sharing for now.

I know a couple of twin mum's, their twins all share. Most of them shared a cot to start with as well. Presumably the twins will be in with you for the next six months at least? I would leave it until they have arrived I think. My two share because they want to (2 & 5) not because they have to. Both have their own rooms technically but they both sleep in the same one.

Why do you want the twins in separate rooms? You are just making extra work for yourself. A baby does not make use of a room nearly as much as a 7-year old, I would also find it very unfair if I was in her shoes. Nothing wrong with 7 and 5 sharing as such, of course, my 2 share because they want to. But turfing her out at this moment to make room for babies who only use the rooms for sleeping would really not make her feel welcome.

The twins should be sharing. They won’t even think about wanting their own rooms for years yet. You’re not being fair to your stepdaughters. It could easily be that the eldest one has grown up and moved away before the twins want their own rooms.

My DC 6&3 are sharing a room (bunk beds) even though we could give them each their own room - they like the closeness

The babies are likely to be in with you for at least 6m and then prob together until older as PP mentioned (my DSis has a cotbed size bunk bed for her twins nearly 4)

Ah sorry misread - 7 and 10, not 5.

Sorry, but no. Babies don't need their own rooms. Plus, won't it be MUCH easier to keep the twins in together for a good few years anyway?

YABU. Older girls should absolutely keep their own rooms. In a few years when they're older it might change, but not now.

Crazy to prioritise babies having a room each, ds barely even uses his and he is 4. The twins will probably want to be together anyway so you are upsetting everyone for literally only your own benefit

Babies will be in your room until around age one. Then put the twins in the larges room until school age. Reassess the situation then.

Agree with PPs. The twins need to share a room (and probably a bed when tiny). My DDs are 11 and 12 and still share a room (and we actually have a spare room so there is a choice there) so I think your DTDs won't need a room each until your DSDs are much older and able to understand your reasoning. At the moment putting your DTDs in separate rooms and making your DSDs share when they are spending regular time with you is not fair on any of the children. Leave it for now.

I’d put twins in together. It’ll be far easier to have all the baby stuff in one room and not have to rush between two rooms to settle them when they both kick off at the same time.

10 year old starting puberty will really appreciate having her own space. It would be a really lovely feeling to know her step mum recognised this and made sure she had it. I’d make a point of saying this to her tbh. “DSD I’ve had a think and I can see you’re growing up into a lovely mature girl who deserves to have her own space so I’m going to make sure you keep your own bedroom.”