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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if my dp should be willing.....

106 replies

CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 11/06/2020 13:29

....to look after my 3 dc a little more while I work from home (high-pressured job) - he doesn't work Sad

It's mainly the kids constantly asking for food, drinks, arguing etc., and my head's literally battered with it all Sad

I honestly don't know what to expect from a dp when the dc aren't his?

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 11/06/2020 13:33

Imo he should be contributing to the running of the house. If he isn't working and you are then he should be doing childcare. Regardless of dna.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 11/06/2020 13:34

Ahh, sorry, I should've said, we don't live together

OP posts:
MulberryPeony · 11/06/2020 13:35

Have you asked him and he’s said no or are you miffed he hasn’t offered?

RedskyAtnight · 11/06/2020 13:36

If you don't live together then he can't can he? Unless he breaks the law or looks after them in a socially distanced way in the park?

Are you going to join in the same bubble from next week? If you are, you could ask, but I think he'd be at liberty to say "no".

toobusytothink · 11/06/2020 13:37

Hmm well they aren’t his kids and you don’t live together ... how long have you been together? Does he see your kids often? What about the kids’ dad?

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 11/06/2020 13:39

Not specifically now. I work from home generally, not because of COVID. When he does come round a few days he does help, but he knows I'm at breaking point and therefore a bit pissed he hasn't offered more Sad

OP posts:
MitziK · 11/06/2020 13:39

So your unemployed boyfriend, who you don't live with, should be volunteering to look after your children? Presumably because he's there anyway and is just cluttering up the sofa gaming.

What purpose does he serve in your life, exactly?

Cadent · 11/06/2020 13:39

Of course he should help otherwise you’re not really a family. Yes they’re not his kids but you come as a team.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 11/06/2020 13:41

If he doesn't live with you and they're not his kids then i don't think it's really fair on him for them to expect him to parent. You're either a family or you're not, i don't think you can have it both ways.

pinktaxi · 11/06/2020 13:42

Can you be in that support bubble thing to enable him to help?

toobusytothink · 11/06/2020 13:43

Surely normally though (without Covid) they are sorted with childcare or school? Or are you looking for free childcare? You didn’t say what role their dad plays in all this?

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 11/06/2020 13:43

@mitziK Very presumptuous aren't you? Hmm He wouldn't know how to game, or even switch a console on, he has more intelligence than that!

And the other poster asking where the kids' dad is, he passed away 2 years ago

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 11/06/2020 13:43

Are they his children?

Why do you not live together?

Why can’t they go and spend a couple of days with their dad if they are his kids?

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 11/06/2020 13:44

@soubriquet Please read my other posts

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 11/06/2020 13:44

Didn’t see the part where you said the dc aren’t his. At the end of the day, they aren’t his responsibility to care for.

They are yours.

toobusytothink · 11/06/2020 13:45

“Generally” you shouldn’t be working from home and looking after the kids so “generally” it shouldn’t be an issue ... or is it really only an issue now because no school/childcare?

Ponoka7 · 11/06/2020 13:45

How old are your DC? Can you get tougher on them? Is he allowed to discipline them?

I think this points out if he considers himself a Boyfriend or a Partner.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 11/06/2020 13:45

@toobusytothink why should I not be working from home?! Hmm

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 11/06/2020 13:47

He doesn't live with you, and they're not his children. Totally not his responsibility.

If you can't work from home with them around, then you need to put them in childcare (current Covid situation excepted, obviously).

Avelosa · 11/06/2020 13:48

Well you lost me at going down the usual MN route that someone must be stupid if they’re a gamer. Why does playing a console mean someone has no/low intelligence?Hmm

SaladSeason · 11/06/2020 13:48

I agree with @Soubriquet - they are your kids and your responsibility. If DP wants to help out then great, but I don't think you can expect him to.

Shoxfordian · 11/06/2020 13:50

How long have you been together? He probably isn't thinking of himself as their stepfather but is this what you want?

TheFoz · 11/06/2020 13:51

What would you do with the kids if you didn’t have dp? What do you do during school holiday time?

How long are you together?

IndecentFeminist · 11/06/2020 13:52

How long have you been together? It'd be nice for a partner to help out, helping each other is a massive part of being in a relationship. Is he at your house anyway?

toobusytothink · 11/06/2020 13:52

My point was you shouldn’t have to be working from home and looking after the kids at the same time. Or is it that once you’ve finished work and kids are back from school etc you would like help then?

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