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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about DH and friend

292 replies

CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 21:51

I would just like some advice really as don't know whether I am overthinking or being silly.

DH and I have a acquaintance/friend whom we know from our DDs gymnastics club. We have three DDs, who all go to club a few times a week (obviously not at the moment). I am working most of the time and so DH takes them and spends a lot of time talking to this friend whilst waiting.

We haven't seen her since the beginning of lockdown but tonight DH has said that he is worried about her and wants me to invite her and her DD on a day out with us as it would be a nice thing to do. The more he spoke, the more he dug himself into a hole really. He was saying how she was so nice, would do anything for anyone and all the funny conversations they'd had, etc. If he wasn't my DH, I would have been suggesting that he should ask her out on a date. Hmm It was so uncomfortable hearing him speak like that about someone. He is very reserved and barely has time for anyone, let alone being so complimentary.

Part of me thinks I should go ahead and do as he asks, particularly if he wants us to all go out together.

The other part of me feels really uncomfortable about the whole thing. He seemed so desperate about it all... I honestly would feel like I was arranging a date for my husband SadBlush

What would you do?

OP posts:
Bathbedandbeyond · 07/06/2020 21:59

I think you need to be honest with him and explain that he has made you feel insecure. I would too OP, he needs to understand that.

HappyHammy · 07/06/2020 22:01

Why is he worried about her

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:03

Because she is a single mother and he said she wont have seen anyone for weeks.

OP posts:
022828MAN · 07/06/2020 22:04

Hmm it's hard to say. If it's completely out of his usually character to speak in this way I'd probably feel edgy but equally because he doesn't normally talk like that it might just 'feel' weird when it's really not. I'd just do as another PP said, and tell him it's made you feel uncomfortable. Surely he'd do all he can to reassure you.

jetsetter87 · 07/06/2020 22:05

How have they been communicating? How often?

Windyatthebeach · 07/06/2020 22:07

Def arrange a meet up with you all. Their body language will tell you all you need to know I expect.

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:08

Well because of lockdown, I don't think they've communicated at all privately, just maybe through the whatsapp group for gym. It's a pretty active group though.

OP posts:
022828MAN · 07/06/2020 22:10

Surely if he had plans to start an affair with her the last thing he'd do would be to bring her along got a family get together? Or would he? Maybe I'm being naive.

lucyintheskywithcz · 07/06/2020 22:12

Hmm I had this. dH stay at home dad made friends with one of DD mums who was single. They ended up having an emotional affair. Put a stop to it - trust your gut

Windyatthebeach · 07/06/2020 22:12

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...
Maybe he has a crush? Time to find out op.

RussGellar · 07/06/2020 22:13

Has she messaged him privately do you think?

MaidenMotherCrone · 07/06/2020 22:13

Hiding in plain sight?

Sounds like mentionitis!

Ibizama · 07/06/2020 22:13

Doesn't he think this gym mum has any family, friends or neighbours? Surely they know her better than him who only sees her once a week termtime

I think he's got a rush on her and wants to be her knight in shining armour

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/06/2020 22:14

She’s on his mind. He misses her. He wants you to facilitate him seeing her.

Nope.

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:14

I told him that it made me feel weird him speaking like that, etc. It's almost like he's bragging to me what great friends they are and she told him that she only really had 'guy friends' and she liked 'geeky guys' and he was happy because that meant she liked him Confused Its just so weird...I don't know if it's just him making this into something weird or what.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 07/06/2020 22:14

It sounds like they've been talking.

If they have Hmm
And if they haven't Hmm

Given it's so out of character, I'd keep 'forgetting'

Hiding in plain sight springs to mind.

summerfruitssquash · 07/06/2020 22:16

If it was me (and I am a bit odd 😂) i’d want to do it to see how they interact and make my own mind up

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:16

@022828MAN that's what is so confusing. If he had a crush, why would he invite her out with his wife and kids?

OP posts:
Egora · 07/06/2020 22:16

He's happy she likes him?

Fuck that.

You need to sit him down.

WeightGate · 07/06/2020 22:17

He wouldn’t do this in an active affair but it does sound like potential pre-affair behaviour. He might have a crush coupled with white knight syndrome.

Nymeriastark1 · 07/06/2020 22:18

"he was happy because that meant she liked him"
He's subtlety telling you that's she's been stroking his ego and he likes it. Be careful op, red flags, red flags flying high everywhere.

WeightGate · 07/06/2020 22:18

Just read your update. He sounds a bit giddy. I’d be weirded out too.

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:18

@summerfruitssquash The problem is that if we invite her once, he says he wants to make it a regular thing. So I either say a flat no or I have to put up with them forever.

OP posts:
Nymeriastark1 · 07/06/2020 22:20

"why would he invite her out with his wife and kids"
To throw you off maybe? It may be completely innocent but I doubt it.

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/06/2020 22:20

Flat no then with a side order of “you are making me feel really insecure”.

How would he react if this was you with a man?