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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about DH and friend

292 replies

CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 21:51

I would just like some advice really as don't know whether I am overthinking or being silly.

DH and I have a acquaintance/friend whom we know from our DDs gymnastics club. We have three DDs, who all go to club a few times a week (obviously not at the moment). I am working most of the time and so DH takes them and spends a lot of time talking to this friend whilst waiting.

We haven't seen her since the beginning of lockdown but tonight DH has said that he is worried about her and wants me to invite her and her DD on a day out with us as it would be a nice thing to do. The more he spoke, the more he dug himself into a hole really. He was saying how she was so nice, would do anything for anyone and all the funny conversations they'd had, etc. If he wasn't my DH, I would have been suggesting that he should ask her out on a date. Hmm It was so uncomfortable hearing him speak like that about someone. He is very reserved and barely has time for anyone, let alone being so complimentary.

Part of me thinks I should go ahead and do as he asks, particularly if he wants us to all go out together.

The other part of me feels really uncomfortable about the whole thing. He seemed so desperate about it all... I honestly would feel like I was arranging a date for my husband SadBlush

What would you do?

OP posts:
Zoecarter · 07/06/2020 22:21

I’d say I’ve invited her and she said no. If he is communicating privately with her he will confront you. Maybe I am weird ...

summerfruitssquash · 07/06/2020 22:21

@CuriousityCatty I suppose there is the repercussions, what did he say when he pitched it to you? Did your face say what your head wanted to or did you sort of carry on like it was normal?

Pebblexox · 07/06/2020 22:21

It's sound like he has a little school boy crush. Doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing, however you encourage it by inviting her out with the family you could just be allowing that to grow.
Speak to him and explain how it a made you feel. Perhaps ask about his relationship with her before lockdown? Were they talking privately outside of the gym etc.

Igtg · 07/06/2020 22:23

It sounds like he is flattered by the attention. I wouldn’t invite her.

Windyatthebeach · 07/06/2020 22:24

Maybe he knew he would feel guilt meeting her alone.. He wants to see her without making you suspicious.

His response is odd. He sounds like how my teen talks about a girl!!

letsdolunch321 · 07/06/2020 22:25

My thoughts are they have messaged each other whilst in lockdown and dh has asked you to arrange an outing with her and her child so dh & her can see each other, but will play it down whilst out with you & family.

I would not be arranging any meet ups.

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:26

That's what I've been thinking. If I invite her then I will be encouraging and allowing things to progress.

OP posts:
incognitomum · 07/06/2020 22:28

I like the idea of saying you asked and she said no.

Tbh I would go nuts if dh was asking this. I'd feel he'd emotionally moved on. I don't put up with much so I'd be off. But that's probably just me.

Pikachubaby · 07/06/2020 22:28

Yes he has a crush but may not even be aware of it yet

He is trying legitimise and intensify the relationship with her by all hanging out together

Sorry but this is not good news. He is nurturing an inappropriate friendship

I’d tell him how this makes you feel

All may not be lost, but I’d be massively Hmm

And I am totally not jealous in RL

ReturnofSaturn · 07/06/2020 22:29

*She’s on his mind. He misses her. He wants you to facilitate him seeing her.

Nope.*

Exactly this!! No way would I be facilitating him seeing her like a muppet!

I'd be trying to find out If they have been communicating privately too.

kateandme · 07/06/2020 22:30

social distance meetup it would have to be soi think this will tell you alot with how they manage that

Windyatthebeach · 07/06/2020 22:31

Not inviting her won't stop him eventually meeting her.
You are a bit naive to think that..

Spider senses will kick in seeing them together.. He may be making a complete fool of himself here. She may not be interested at all.

Smurfy23 · 07/06/2020 22:31

Its a no from me

Id ask him how he would feel if I talked about another man like that

Lottiebugz22 · 07/06/2020 22:33

Happy that she likes geeky guys like him comment and the fact it's constantly talking about her says allot. He fancies her.

Greenkit · 07/06/2020 22:34

Ask him why he wants to meet her, does he fancy her?
And how would he feel if roles were reversed?

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 07/06/2020 22:35

[quote CuriousityCatty]@022828MAN that's what is so confusing. If he had a crush, why would he invite her out with his wife and kids?[/quote]
Because it’s the only way he can get to see her currently?

I suspect they’ve been talking lots and it sounds like she’s been confiding in him.

Just say no op.

Windyatthebeach · 07/06/2020 22:35

If they have been chatting in private you will know this if you see her I assume..
Can you see his phone bills?

BritWifeinUSA · 07/06/2020 22:35

How does he know she hasn’t seen anyone during the whole lockdown? He’s using the “family outing” idea as a way to see her but trying to not look suspicious. If my husband said these things to me about a friend I’d see more red flags than at a North Korean military parade.

SandyY2K · 07/06/2020 22:36

Being a single mother doesn't mean she won't have seen anyone...she can see family members now up to a 6 people.

Why does he feel so responsible for her.... he's just another parent at gymnastics. Is be thinking he likes her more than he should tbh.

SandyY2K · 07/06/2020 22:36

I'd be thinking

MegaClutterSlut · 07/06/2020 22:37

Nope, this had huge red flags written all over it! This Will end in tears for you op if this 'friendship' carries on imo

AmericanAdventure · 07/06/2020 22:40

If they are friends I don't understand why he asked you to ask her to join you. Why wouldn't he do that himself.

It's all a bit odd.

Original poster
CuriousityCatty · 07/06/2020 22:42

@AmericanAdventure It's because I have said in the past that it wasn't appropriate for him to be messaging or inviting women places with him.

OP posts:
Lottiebugz22 · 07/06/2020 22:46

Also why is she telling him what kind of guys she likes?? Red flag.

ShandlersWig · 07/06/2020 22:47

I have said in the past that it wasn't appropriate for him to be messaging or inviting women places with him

What made you say that? What had led up to that statement?

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