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AIBU?

To have nothing left to give after working full time and homeschooling during lockdown

144 replies

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 12:43

I’m fucking exhausted and feel emotionally empty now after nearly 3 months of it all.

I have a demanding job & 2 kids - DP goes out to work as he’s a keyworker so it’s me holding everything up. I know I am lucky to still have a job etc but I do feel so totally exhausted.

My youngest DD who is 8 just wants to be with me all day every day & thus it’s hard getting to separate out my time for work. Older child is hitting puberty.

I feel like I am holding everything together but constantly feel like crying/ screaming. DP isn’t much use it turns out & hasn’t been emotionally supportive at all.

Aibu? I feel bad for saying I have had enough but I have really had enough!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

282 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
B1rdbra1n · 07/06/2020 18:31

for everyone Flowers

BearFoxBear · 07/06/2020 18:33

Same OP and others, I'm exhausted.

Very demanding job, PR, which is obviously full on at the best of times, but it's also the type of job that when something needs done, it needs done now. We specialise in crisis and there's a lot of it going about. I'm on the phone a lot too. DH is in a similar job and on the phone more than me.

5 year old DS never stops talking. He also gets up before 6am. Wants to know who we're speaking to. See documents, wave to people on video calls etc. He rarely plays alone, he wants to always be with us and talking. Or watching TV. Schooling is obviously difficult, so we're just doing what we can.

Since lockdown started DH has also had COVID and appendicitis, so has spent a week in isolation, a week in hospital and a week at home mainly in bed in recovery. I had to do my job plus all the housework, schooling, shopping etc. with no help.

I'm focusing on keeping the downstairs of the house clean and tidy, the rest can (and has) go to hell. Washing is overtaking the place.

I'm now just desperate for my retired parents to be able to help. They're bored shitless and I'm at breaking point.

PollyPelargonium52 · 07/06/2020 18:34

I am struggling too. My ds is 15 and his dad lives 100 miles away from us in London so cannot see any relief from it all for a very long time. DS''s school are only providing 6 mornings classroom lessons starting in a week. This is supposed to be some kind of substitute for 5 weeks remaining of term. My business is only hanging on by a rope but I have a second grant coming in August. Ds was attacked by a gang of three boys last Sunday when out cycling and badly sprained his right wrist. I have no family support. I only speak with a handful of people and most of this is through a virtual group by zoom. My ex has zero interest in our son's education. Everything left to me and very few people in real life who understand or even make time for me. Have felt suicidal recently for the first time in years but bought a nerve tonic which is helping. Not felt this alone in it for 12 years

LyndaLaHughes · 07/06/2020 18:50

Just to clarify something with regards to key worker childcare. The guidance has changed and you are entitled to send them regardless of your home situation. Do not be fobbed off. Also if your school is saying they cannot accommodate you then call the local authority who will find you somewhere that can. Being "full up" sounds dodgy to me. Priority must go to key worker children above those in the other year groups so if the school is wider opening to accommodate other year groups then they are on really shaky ground saying they are full up for key worker childcare. Having said that I can't see how this current model is sustainable when you now have children from returning classes staying in a key worker bubble because of the extended hours instead of going with their own year group.

gagatoo · 07/06/2020 18:50

Polly, I can relate. The lockdown has brought up lots of feelings for me - people don't care about me (an old feeling that one, but gaining lots of traction as I've lots of time to think). Family being cold, feeling isolated, bored, have nothing to look forward to e.g. travel, feeling suicidal, hating people and society generally Smile ... and so on

To be fair, I am also having to deal with a couple of really shitty things that have nothing to do with Coronavirus which are really triggering me.

I could like in my bed all day, in fact I think thats what I'll do now ...

Most of this is unlike me though ...

I hope you can carry on through this Polly. What happened to your poor son was awful. I am feeling increasingly angry and violent towards the way people are behaving now.

BearFoxBear · 07/06/2020 18:58

Sorry Polly, it sounds like you're having a really rough time. And your poor soon.

I honestly don't know how single parents like you are doing this. It's little wonder you feel the way you do.

BearFoxBear · 07/06/2020 18:58

Son not soon!

PollyPelargonium52 · 07/06/2020 19:02

Thank u gaga too. Kind words. I am on the spectrum and the lounge is open plan and where the ps4 is situated. Noise travels upstairs although ds tries to minimise evenings.I usually find my Buddhist group enough support but nobody has children in school they are all grown up. I feel alone in it most of the time. Luckily homoeopathy helping ds right wrist. Hope am not taking over good luck guys to all of u. Keep sharing!

Kittywampus · 07/06/2020 19:15

Huge sympathy for everyone on this thread. I'm in a similar boat. Our school have discouraged us from requesting a place, as they are prioritising families with two key worker parents. And our nursery have closed anyway, and I need my 7 year old to entertain her younger sibling while I work!

I also got fluoxetine from the gp as I was in tears on the phone to them saying I'm running on empty I've got nothing left to give. It's really good stuff and has helped me feel my glass is fuller than empty I'm really glad that the medication has helped, but on another level I'm really concerned that the medical profession is prescribing medication to help people to cope with an impossible situation. As other posters have said, there's nothing wrong with my mental health, I'm at breaking point because I'm trying to do the impossible.

cakemeupbeforeyougogo · 07/06/2020 19:39

Me too. I work full time in a frontline key worker job, look after 2 kids and am a single parent whose ex does sweet fuck all. I'm seething with fucking resentment and shattered.

EnlightenedOwl · 07/06/2020 19:43

@SidSparrow

I feel your pain! Every day I battle off the rage I'm feeling about the whole thing. Luckily I don't have to work, but I do have a toddler and a small baby. My OH works from home and we're cooked up in a small flat. Most days I feel like screaming. We have not had a minute to ourselves, and our poor toddler has had to adjust to a new sibling and her world shutting off, no swimming, no grandparents, no playgroup. Some days she just screams and I don't blame her. Her sibling has been hard work as well. Considering the statistics they should have ended the lockdown ages ago and protected those who need protecting. There will be more harm done from the lockdown than the virus itself. I am fucking over this bullshit.

I am so so with you on this Flowers
ButterflyWitch · 07/06/2020 20:30

I'm confused with everyone saying childcare is permitted? Is this for England? I'm in Scotland and as far as I know no babysitting, childminding until phase 3, and schools returning part time in Aug (apart from the key workers)

StillCounting123 · 07/06/2020 22:23

I'm in NI and schools won't be back until September. Eldest is 10 and due to do the exams in Nov 2020 which determine what high school he'll be going to in September 2021. Stressed to the max about this.

Have four other children, including a 2 year old and 9 month old twins who are just CHAOS all the time.

DH is working full-time outside of the house and I am so bloody tired that I barely know my own name half the time, and honestly have to focus to remember what day of the week it is, or what the date is.

Feel like all I do is laundry, cooking, meal planning and at the same time have 5 kids climbing up me. So absolutely drained.

Also, have a health issue and my Consultant appointment was cancelled in March. Symptoms are getting worse, query cancer, and the the mental pressure of thinking about that and wondering when clinics will restart is crushing.

In all this it's the not knowing that is hard. We're so used to planning, doing and having things happen right now. But this Covid-19 bullshit has made us feel so lost.

YardleyX · 07/06/2020 22:47

Destroying a generation.

I really wonder how this will play out over the next 10 years, and how it will go down in history.

YardleyX · 07/06/2020 22:53

Surely deaths from cancer, heart disease, suicide, addictions....etc will spike over the coming years?

TheABC · 07/06/2020 23:07

It's the waiting and lack of knowledge that hurt the most. Our kids have been absolutely thrown under a bus and I am seriously wondering what will happen now businesses and shops are opening up without childcare bring permitted. Most school age parents use paid wrap-around care or grandparents. What happens when non-keyworkers can't work on a national scale?

PurpleMystery · 07/06/2020 23:38

www.usforthem.co.uk/ there is a campaign emerging around schools. They also have a Twitter. I’m not sure whether schools are the answer but I’m so shocked and saddened by the cold hard attitude that parents working from home should be able to do childcare and homeschool and ‘just deal with it’. This attitude towards parents seems to be more directed at mothers than fathers too. And the government has reinforced this attitude by not considering any of this in its policies. I think it was week 5 or 6 of lockdown before they even a clause to allow furlough for childcare reasons. How many parents had already lost their jobs or taken unpaid leave. Plus it’s optional, the employers don’t have to agree and they often refuse! Unbelievable! This is why we need more women/mothers as MPs

Rentacar · 07/06/2020 23:51

Tadlow please call the Samaritans

BikeRunSki · 07/06/2020 23:59

OP, I am right there with you, except DH is wfh sometimes. He’s not a keyworker, but he dies employ 60 or so staff and has been desperately trying to keep his business abd their livelihoods afloat.

I’m also a Cub leader. I’m getting grief for not doing Zoom Cub meetings! I get up at 6, to work 7–10 on paid job work, then 10-3 with the DC; then 3-7 back on paid job work. St that pint I’d like to crash/eat/go for a walk/ring my mum. Just cannot bring myself to be all jolly Zoomy Cub leader for 30 mins.

Michaelschofield · 08/06/2020 00:03

We all need to stand up against the government now. There is no need for lockdown, it is destroying lives. We must make a stand.

YardleyX · 08/06/2020 00:09

Agree Michael

Noti23 · 08/06/2020 00:10

I’m sorry you’re having it rough guys but I’m so glad it’s not just me! I actually think I’m close to having a breakdown.

B1rdbra1n · 08/06/2020 00:19

'just deal with it'
I agree it's appalling that the government can be so dismissive☹️
As if there's something wrong with parents for not being able to reconcile two completely incompatible requirements
Working from home is a compromise in and of itself which takes discipline and adjustment
on top of that homeschooling when you're completely unprepared, it's so insulting and cruel to expect people to just cope with the impossible.
for the most part people do what they can to plan their families, they make sure that they have childcare arrangements in place, above all when we have children we do so with the very reasonable expectation that they will be able to go to school!!

YardleyX · 08/06/2020 00:21

PurpleMystery - very useful link. Thank you for posting

ginpig · 08/06/2020 08:00

Oh, OP I could have starteed this one myself.

I am at home alone all day whilst medic DH is at work (long days, at elast one evening a week and 1 weekend in 4 on call). Trying to scholl two primary age DC and care for a 10mo baby. On top of that trying to work full time.

I came backof mat leave 1 st week of lockdown so ahve tried to pick up complex projects remotely- not the easiest task in the world at the best of times. My experience completely echos that of others- senior management have all the platititudes 'just do what you can do' and 'we realise that some people have additional caring responsibilities' but it does not seem that expectations have been adjusted at all.

This means that whilst trying to squeeze work in during the day whilst the baby naps is momentarily entertained, I'm feeling the pressure to work long evenings and all weekend, not jsut to 'do my hours' but actually keep on top of the workload.

It's exhausting and I had enough a long time ago. The partial re-opening of schools here isn't really going to make a difference, and if I can't get the baby into nursery, then it's compeltely irrelevant. I too have been told thtat as I am at home we don't qualify for childcare even if DH is a keyworker. The situation is so untenable that we think we are going to have to employ a nanny. We can probably afford it just but it's not going to be easy.

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