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AIBU?

To have nothing left to give after working full time and homeschooling during lockdown

144 replies

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 12:43

I’m fucking exhausted and feel emotionally empty now after nearly 3 months of it all.

I have a demanding job & 2 kids - DP goes out to work as he’s a keyworker so it’s me holding everything up. I know I am lucky to still have a job etc but I do feel so totally exhausted.

My youngest DD who is 8 just wants to be with me all day every day & thus it’s hard getting to separate out my time for work. Older child is hitting puberty.

I feel like I am holding everything together but constantly feel like crying/ screaming. DP isn’t much use it turns out & hasn’t been emotionally supportive at all.

Aibu? I feel bad for saying I have had enough but I have really had enough!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

282 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
Naicehamhun · 08/06/2020 08:01

I am so broken.
I was supposed to get up an hour ago but I am still in bed. Paralysed with stress, i can't move. I didn't sleep at all. I don't want to be here anymore.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/06/2020 09:52

Naiceham so today is a day where you out yourself first as much as you can. So much screen time for the kids. Allllll the screen time.

If you work can you take the day off sick? Sofa day?

Sending strength and Flowers

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/06/2020 09:53

*put yourself first

PollyPelargonium52 · 08/06/2020 10:29

I really was desperate to rest in bed all day Saturday but unfortunately I had to drive ds to his friend's home for the afternoon and pick him up. I don't let him catch buses as it is unsafe and he couldn't cycle there owing to his right wrist injury. Then last night I had to listen to a full hour of his arguing about the gangs around the council estate right next to the school and how he can exit the school safely. Whatever I said was wrong and had to be argued about and going round in endless draining circles for 60 minutes is not the best way to spend an evening when I am feeling very unwell and burnt out.

Luckiy I managed to complete the Water Trust Fund form online this morning as although ds is awake he doesn't come downstairs until 11 or so after his shower. So I could get on unnterrupted. There is so much left to do on my to do list which I have been working on ever since lockdown and I get zilch family support and zilch access as ds's dad's family are 100 miles away and hardly ever ring or enquire how ds is. Even when he does text them or I do it is hard work getting a reply. It is very much a case of out of sight and out of mind if you ask me. Like most people out there. They don't mean it they just get bogged down with their own mundanity like most of us do I guess.

Lianarose · 08/06/2020 13:01

Me. Taking 5 while I grab some lunch for kids. Have already had awful call this morning, trying desperately to get work done while being interrupted, sort out printing off and explaining tasks to younger DC, persuade older one to log in when she no longer sees the point and gets no feedback on her work. I’m crap at work crap as a mum. It’s just shit.

RoseMartha · 08/06/2020 13:16

Sending 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

I had enough about a month ago. Somehow just try and get myself through each day.

Kokeshi123 · 08/06/2020 13:33

It's not mental health support that's needed though is it? It's practical support, most of which has been taken away!

No nursery, school, playdates, playgrounds, playgroups...

Yet again mothers have been set an impossible task and told it's our fault for failing at it


THIS.

B1rdbra1n · 08/06/2020 13:43

Exactly even if they were a team of psychotherapists on hand to provide emotional support to all mothers they wouldn't have time for it because they're too busy working from home whilst homeschooling!

PurpleMystery · 08/06/2020 20:21

^ This 100% where are our female MPs fighting for policies that work for women and mothers?

BikeRunSki · 08/06/2020 20:35

It’s also the not having anything to look forward to. 2 holidays cancelled. 2 weekends away cancelled. Theatre tickets out on hold until October 2021. Don’t know what I’ll see my DM or dB (both in UK but 6 hours drive away) or other siblings and family who are abroad.

I can usually get through the maelstrom of being a working mother by looking forward to breaks. Now we don’t even have that.

Xenia · 08/06/2020 20:42

It is almost as if through our breach of civil liberties which in my view is lockdown laws that we have achieved Gilead in the Handmaid's Tale - women at home, their work being made impossible, whilst on the whole men work as usual. It is a subtle sexist driving of women back to home and hearth so is unlikely to trouble men too much.

However if we insist husbands find nannies, nurseries, which are open child minders, au pairs and pay half the cost then women who with their husband are rich enough to make that feasible can ensure their careers are not shot to pieces forever.

B1rdbra1n · 08/06/2020 22:09

men know that they just need to (metaphorically) hold the children to ransom and women will mostly capitulate:(
I fear the only solution is to never let yourself be compromised by teaming up with one in the first place:(

MostlyHappyMummy · 08/06/2020 22:26

Apart from single parents, surely the biggest issue for most of you is that you're partners aren't doing their share at home and with the children?
Is that something that can be addressed?

Kittywampus · 08/06/2020 22:34

@MostlyHappyMummy the op has said that her partner is out at work as a keyworker, as is mine.

PurpleMystery · 08/06/2020 23:02

Same here. DH works outside home so that’s the main cause of the imbalance for us. It would be interesting to understand how many mothers wfh and how many father work outside the home, particularly in families where both parents worked through lockdown. I don’t know if our situation is common.

Kittywampus · 08/06/2020 23:21

From a totally unrepresentative sample of my friends, the women seem more likely to work outside of the home (most of them in health care roles).

MindyStClaire · 09/06/2020 06:24

My husband is fully on board, doing half the childcare and housework. Probably more since I'm heavily pregnant and struggling a bit. He's also doing all the shopping since I'm vulnerable. He has no more downtime or work time than I do.

There still aren't enough hours in the day. Toddlers don't have pause buttons and just don't leave enough time in the week for two full-time jobs. It's impossible.

PollyPelargonium52 · 09/06/2020 08:39

I think toddlers are really hard Mindy. As horrible as ds can be at the 'stormy' age now he is 15, at least I get a chance to get on somewhat. The sprain to his right wrist did set us back but is now improving.

I am going to paint the garden fence in July and ds had better help me as by this age he should be doing more. I don't want to bring him up to be useless and need his help. If not I will remove his PS4. Not looking forward to feeling emotionally drained if he starts refusing to play ball! I will insist though. It is enough to have to cope with much reduced income this year which he still does not really understand.

researchinglockdown · 19/10/2021 09:27

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