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AIBU?

To have nothing left to give after working full time and homeschooling during lockdown

144 replies

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 12:43

I’m fucking exhausted and feel emotionally empty now after nearly 3 months of it all.

I have a demanding job & 2 kids - DP goes out to work as he’s a keyworker so it’s me holding everything up. I know I am lucky to still have a job etc but I do feel so totally exhausted.

My youngest DD who is 8 just wants to be with me all day every day & thus it’s hard getting to separate out my time for work. Older child is hitting puberty.

I feel like I am holding everything together but constantly feel like crying/ screaming. DP isn’t much use it turns out & hasn’t been emotionally supportive at all.

Aibu? I feel bad for saying I have had enough but I have really had enough!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

282 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
4%
You are NOT being unreasonable
96%
HermioneWeasley · 07/06/2020 16:23

The damage of this is so much greater than catching cv-19 for most people (no underlying health conditions). This situation needs to end quickly

alittlelower · 07/06/2020 16:26

It's so shit and there is so much suffering.Maybe we need to organise massive protests

Grin

I hear you. I am desperately worried about my eldest who was completely struggling at school anyway, me and their Dad work at home. His Dad is fucking useless, use to his own issues, as supporting eldest's learning. I have got to the point that I just can't concentrate, which means it is taking me three times as long to get through my work than it should. Get bouts of wanting to burst into tears I am so fucking worried about my eldest, and the guilt, by GOd the guilt. I feel I should this time for one to one support to help him get up to speed. I feel like he is completely fucked.

JovialNickname · 07/06/2020 16:26

@TadlowDogIncident I can really understand you feeling that way about the Samaritans, honestly. But they don't give platitudes, they really just listen. They also accept that suicide is an individual choice. I would really advise talking to them, I have had to a couple of times and always found them very helpful and not just "there there".

I hear you when you say your very dark circumstances and state of mind are situational, not a result of your own mental health. What terrible times we find ourselves in x

NikeDeLaSwoosh · 07/06/2020 16:27

Why aren't your DCs in school?

Key worker children are being encouraged to take up their school places, even if they can be safely cared for at home...

alittlelower · 07/06/2020 16:28

Look at that, I can't even fucking write English anymore!

alittlelower · 07/06/2020 16:32

The damage of this is so much greater than catching cv-19 for most people (no underlying health conditions). This situation needs to end quickly

I completely agree - we now know this virus massively disproportionately affects the elderly and those with underlying health conditions. We need to find ways to provide targeted shielding of the vulnerable and let others get back to normal life. The suffering this lockdown is causing to so many is massive, and will last well after it is lifted. And on the radio today they were saying genetics is showing the genetic makeup of the virus is different in different parts of the UK. Which MAY mean, it rapidly mutates like the cold virus and so we may not be able to create a vaccine. We have to find a way to live with it. Starting now.

Spinakker · 07/06/2020 16:33

Why don't you get your kids in school? They can go even if one parent is at home. My y2 just started last week in the key worker bubble and is loving it. He was getting very down before and he's completely changed now x

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 07/06/2020 16:35

I know it wont be much relief especially if working full time, but I really think school holidays should have changed. I think a break for parents from teaching should be more regular. Every 3/4 weeks instead of 6/7 weeks over this period.

Spinakker · 07/06/2020 16:36

Even if your kids aren't keen on going (mine wasn't) at least contact the school and get them to try one day. It would probably do you all the world of good. Take advantage of the fact your DH is a key worker. Why grind yourself down ?

Siameasy · 07/06/2020 16:38

I had anxiety when DD was younger and I can now see that it was situational-it was to do with overwhelm, over stimulation. I have recently started to feel it creeping back - the thought of all this and then the summer holidays on top. But no actual holiday. Ffs

LannieDuck · 07/06/2020 16:42

@Bellesavage

Same. DH works 7-7 locked away in an office. I've been home schooling and looking after baby as my mat leave finish we during lockdown and now nursery won't take us so I'm having to wake at 4am to try to do some work before baby wakes and then work once both kids have gone to sleep for a few hours. It's not sustainable. I haven't had any time to veg apart from holding the baby to sleep when I get to zone out for 2 mins

Have you returned from mat leave full time, Belle?

In which case, you and your partner are both working, so you both have to split the childcare. Maybe he gets the office in the morning, but then you get it in the afternoon. Or vice versa.

Why does he think his job (and his time) is more important than yours?
Raaaa · 07/06/2020 16:46

Same here OP I'm fed up. I'm working a 35 hour week with a toddler my Ph is going out to work I am at the stage that I would rather we all caught it and that was that and to be honest I'm fed up of staying in incase of being asymptomatic and passing it onto others.

sage46 · 07/06/2020 16:54

I don't have small children anymore but I am a front line NHS worker. Luckily our area hasn't been too badly hit by Covid but we still have work to strict guidelines and wear ppe even though it is not in a clinical setting.I have absolutely nothing left to give after a working day. I find the whole Covid thing sapping, draining, relentless and boring and wish it would just go away! Which it will one day. Sending good wishes and virtual hugs (if you want them !) to everyone.

ichifanny · 07/06/2020 16:59

Exact the same here OP both me and my husband are key workers in front line COVID and don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding wearing sweaty tiring PPE and also home schooling and I feel I could explode to be honest . My mental health is on the toilet right now , nothing to look forward to either .

AtrociousCircumstance · 07/06/2020 17:01

Just adding my voice to say it is too hard. The guilt is overwhelming sometimes. The worry about DC. The massive increase of screen time. That feeling of failing at EVERYTHING. The sluggish creep of depression having to be forcibly kicked back on a daily basis. The energy drain, the exhaustion of zoom meetings and workworkwork and homeschool and childcare and making sure they have exercise and trying to stop the house becoming an absolute tip. The late nights at my desk. The freezer meals, the takeaways. The daily pressure of it all. The LAUNDRY. The temptation to drink too much wine, which just makes everything worse because a hangover is never your friend. Tears threatening at 0-60, out of nowhere, my mood turning on a pin.

It’s hard. It’s too hard. It’s too much.

But we continue. Love and solidarity to you all Brew

Spacepocket · 07/06/2020 17:14

Yes Zoom meetings.
Fucking Zoom meetings.
Fucking Zoom updates.
Even Ex DH has now abandoned good old face time and insists on Zoom fucking meetings with the kids 😡
I FUCKING HATE ZOOM 😎

ManterayMinx · 07/06/2020 17:25

Never agreed with the way lockdown was pursued.

(But always shouted down when giving my opinion as its not in agreement with Mainstream Media.)

Schools in particular should have only shut for a short while, stayed open, or a different schedule arranged.

I don't even have kids, I'm a natural introvert, but its starting to take its toll.

PirateWeasel · 07/06/2020 17:38

Yep, it's crap over here too. Trying to WFH while DH goes out to work (not keyworker but can't WFH) and look after an almost 2 year old who wants me ALL day. Can't achieve anything in the day so working eves and weekends to make up. And the worst... Nursery won't reopen to his age group until September! Feeling so angry. I get they're following government directions but the 3+ kids are being allowed back (getting priority because they're funded places, presumably) so currently feel like they've completely left me and fellow parents of younger ones out to dry 😡 Three more effing months of this!!

Typohere · 07/06/2020 17:40

To this poster whose husband is locking himself away in an office WFH from 7 - 7pm.... is he working or just coping out? Seriously can he not help you a bit. You are getting up at 4am, homeschooling and with a baby and he LOCKS HIMSELF IN AN OFFICE FOR 12 HOURS AND LETS YOU JUST GET ON WITH IT.....he needs a kick up the bum!

"Bellesavage Sun 07-Jun-20 15:08:16
Same. DH works 7-7 locked away in an office. I've been home schooling and looking after baby as my mat leave finish we during lockdown and now nursery won't take us so I'm having to wake at 4am to try to do some work before baby wakes and then work once both kids have gone to sleep for a few hours. It's not sustainable. I haven't had any time to veg apart from holding the baby to sleep when I get to zone out for 2 mins"

polkadotpjs · 07/06/2020 17:46

So many of you put it more eloquently than I could. I'm in tears on the sofa looking at the mess and panicking that it's Monday and work tomorrow. My DH and I are both WFH but my children stick like magnets to me. He has a lie in and has very spot workload but I'm
Busy all a day every day. Kids are on a screens all the time, minimal home school and they're fed up. They've both cried. They rarely cry. My work have told us repeatedly prior to COVID that WFH is not compatible with child care so no WFH during school holidays for example (and I agreed) but now we are expected to do it all. And I can't. My head is full of food planning for the endless snacks plus work plus worry and I keep getting migraines. I'm going into myself. I can feel it.
DH keeps doing house jobs (no washing up or useful stuff but painting and the like) that would wait rather than be with kids and I feel like I'm trying to do it all. But I can't. I'm on anti ds already but feel like I need a tranquilliser dart to knock me out for a bit
I'm feeling better for knowing you're struggling too. The solidarity helps. Anyone really struggling please try the resources posted up thread. Please please.

Anywaythewindisblowing · 07/06/2020 17:52

Absolutely hit a wall. I've posted on threads like this before but to sum up our situation
I'm a teacher teaching online 3 to 5 hours a day
Husband key worker doing 12 hour shifts
1 child age 3 who is very energetic and demanding
I have a chronic illness which results in exhaustion and paralysis periodically

I'm just done. I'm crying, or screaming into a pillow at some point each day and I just feel like such a failure as a teacher, wife and mother. Just totally burnt out.

LongTallSammie · 07/06/2020 18:00

Reading these posts I think the people that have been screaming murder at anyone who suggests getting back to normal needs to see the damage done to others who have a VERY LOW risk of dying from covid.

Covid has been all consuming - nothing else has mattered but covid - people's mental health/suicides/other illnesses the economy trashed all for covid when it is now quite apparent that the vast majority of people dying are the very elderly. If all healthcare workers were given top quality PPE from the start (we knew this was coming from what was happening in China and other countries) then the healthcare workers did not have died.

There has been a massive failure at the highest levels to prevent the number of deaths and the late lockdown with the long extension of messing around means more suffer rather than an early short intense lock down. Massive failure of our government led by their advisors. Dreadful.

LongTallSammie · 07/06/2020 18:05

To the OP could you or husband take a weeks holiday and then that person take over childcare and chores so that the other could work and then swap over the following week. Holiday leave now might be wise since a bit of a break for you?

NeverTwerkNaked · 07/06/2020 18:18

This was me and DH. totally burnout. Our work is busier than ever but we had children missing their friends and wanting to learn. I just felt like crying all the time.

Two boys now enrolled in private school (one a traditional private school and one an online only school) and I feel so much better already. About half their day is online with interactive lessons /group work and the other half they are motivated and driven to do the homework set because they know they will get feedback from their teacher and they have had it all explained by their teacher. We are like a different household.

But it shouldn't have to be like that. Because for each family that just about has that option to switch there will be many more that don't. And this just isn't sustainable until potentially 2021

To have nothing left to give after working full time and homeschooling during lockdown
purplepandas · 07/06/2020 18:22

I'm in, I feel your pain. An impossible task indeed.

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