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To have nothing left to give after working full time and homeschooling during lockdown

144 replies

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 12:43

I’m fucking exhausted and feel emotionally empty now after nearly 3 months of it all.

I have a demanding job & 2 kids - DP goes out to work as he’s a keyworker so it’s me holding everything up. I know I am lucky to still have a job etc but I do feel so totally exhausted.

My youngest DD who is 8 just wants to be with me all day every day & thus it’s hard getting to separate out my time for work. Older child is hitting puberty.

I feel like I am holding everything together but constantly feel like crying/ screaming. DP isn’t much use it turns out & hasn’t been emotionally supportive at all.

Aibu? I feel bad for saying I have had enough but I have really had enough!

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Am I being unreasonable?

282 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Chilver · 07/06/2020 12:46

I hear you. Feeling similar. Am very ranty and swearing a lot at the moment.

Have you told you DP how you feel? I suggest you tell him how you feel and then go out, for the whole day, by yourself, even if it means just walking around with no set aim. A nice walk alone in the fresh would do wonders I'm sure.

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 12:48

@Chilver I have been out for a run this morning for an hour which I was nice. But I feel like I need a week alone to recover from this!!

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MindyStClaire · 07/06/2020 13:03

I think a lot of people are hitting a wall around now OP, we've been feeling the same and have seen similar from many on here, FB, talking with friends etc. All those measures we all put in place to cope in March were fine for the short-term, but now we're well into month three it's not sustainable.

Our circumstances are different (both wfh with a two year old and I'm 35 weeks pregnant), what's helped us is getting one of the women from DD's nursery in a few days last week. We actually managed a couple of evenings with neither of us working! Are there any steps like that you could take?

I think you need to ruthlessly carve out some alone time, but I know that's easier said than done in your schedule ATM.

ComeOnGordon · 07/06/2020 13:07

I feel you and I’m sending you a Brew or a Wine.

My ex only takes the teenagers for one afternoon at the weekend and I crave that time to myself. He didn’t take them 3 weeks ago and I cried. It’s just so much at the moment.

I’m not in the UK and the kids go back to school every other week from the 22nd but really that’s just 3 weeks in total till then 6 weeks of holidays. I’m contemplating taking some days off that week while the house is empty

FourTeaFallOut · 07/06/2020 13:15

I'm so close to being done with it all. My arms are tired, my legs are tired, it feels like I'm sitting under weight. I haven't felt like this since the kids were babies. I'm so sick of being the bad guy on two fronts, first as a parent and then as a teacher. I'm sick of jollying everyone along all day long. I'm sick if the endless repetition. I'm spent.

Namechange3007 · 07/06/2020 13:18

Me too. My kids are similar age, I'm wfh 30 hours a week in a demanding job and trying to homeschool. We are all bored and ratty with each other. Husband works from home too so I am lucky in that sense but generally feel like a crap parent and feel so angry that the government just expects us all to get on with it.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 07/06/2020 13:21

I feel pretty much the same and I don't work. And if I feel this bad, I don't know how working mums like yourselves are coping, I really don't.

kitschplease · 07/06/2020 13:23

It was easier at first as DH didn't have much work on (not easier financially, but in terms of him doing the homeschooling while I worked). Now we are both working with primary aged kids (one v clingy, one ASD) and it sucks.

They are not in school years that are back yet, and DS with ASD doesn't yet have an EHC plan. I just feel guilt that they are on screens and not learning an awful lot, with a ratty mother at the kitchen table.

I could cope just about with part time schooling, a play room and an office, but right now I'm at my wit's end. It would also help if work weren't busier than ever before, and if I weren't acting up to cover someone who left. But I'm trying to look on the bright side of at least having an income.

mynamechangemyrules · 07/06/2020 13:26

Oh god, I'm with you!! And where I live, just as we thought it was over I've realised it's only over in so far as I have to go into work (teacher) but my kids still can't go back and nothing is open for them to do. I'm a single parent of 3 so the icing on the cake is that the only other human I see is my useless ex when he fucks up yet another access visit. He 'returned' DC1 after 15mins the other day 🤦🏽‍♀️
Nothing useful to add, sorry!! Although I laughed at the article in the guardian about comparing what a shit time we are all having- will look for it!

MindyStClaire · 07/06/2020 13:27


Me too. My kids are similar age, I'm wfh 30 hours a week in a demanding job and trying to homeschool. We are all bored and ratty with each other. Husband works from home too so I am lucky in that sense but generally feel like a crap parent and feel so angry that the government just expects us all to get on with it.

Yup, with you in your anger. I'm in NI and our executive literally hasn't mentioned childcare, except for keyworkers. I was very understanding at first, but now increasingly furious at the lack of attention the issue is getting.
Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 13:28

Kind of relieved that I am not the only one but also Flowers for all of us. It’s so hard- kids are fed up, I need boundaries & space- I don’t feel like I am a good parent/worker at the moment!

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mynamechangemyrules · 07/06/2020 13:29

Sorry if you feel this is insensitive- I nearly didn't read it as I thought it would piss me off because I have one nerve left... but you've got to laugh or you'll cry!!

megletthesecond · 07/06/2020 13:31

I'm fed up with the dc's. They're fed up with me, miss school and their friends. 11yr old DD didn't leave me alone until 23:30 last night 🤬.

longtimecomin · 07/06/2020 13:33

I'm in the same boat as you, working from home with 2 kids under my feet all day and no one else to help. I had a mini breakdown 2 weeks ago, took a week off work and feel better for it. It's not sustainable. Be kind to yourself, discuss your situation with your bosses. Have an hour lunch with your kids every day. It's tough. I also got fluoxetine from the gp as I was in tears on the phone to them saying I'm running on empty I've got nothing left to give. It's really good stuff and has helped me feel my glass is fuller than empty. Good luck op xx

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 13:34

@Megletthesecond I feel your pain! My kids have both started sleeping with me- oldest 12 on a mattress on the floor & 8 year old in bed! I think they are anxious so I don’t mind but it’s not helping the current situation 🤪

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aufaitaccompli · 07/06/2020 13:35

Hear hear. Wfh FT, three kids. Single parent. Kids see their Disney dad a couple of times a week for football, bbq and trips to park

So, you can imagine what the days are like when they are with me, I have to over compensate for when they're not.

I'm exhausted and feeling flat. Trying to date and whilst he's lovely, funny etc it's a bit draining.

Haven't felt so dull and without sparkle in a long time Confused

SidSparrow · 07/06/2020 13:35

I feel your pain! Every day I battle off the rage I'm feeling about the whole thing. Luckily I don't have to work, but I do have a toddler and a small baby. My OH works from home and we're cooked up in a small flat. Most days I feel like screaming. We have not had a minute to ourselves, and our poor toddler has had to adjust to a new sibling and her world shutting off, no swimming, no grandparents, no playgroup. Some days she just screams and I don't blame her. Her sibling has been hard work as well. Considering the statistics they should have ended the lockdown ages ago and protected those who need protecting. There will be more harm done from the lockdown than the virus itself. I am fucking over this bullshit.

HavingAllOfTheFun · 07/06/2020 13:35

I feel totally the same, am a single Mum working from home full time with similar aged kids to you.

Was originally feeling lucky to still have a job but have now been made redundant so am stressing about getting another job & money.

I’m missing adult company & the kids are so bored not seeing their friends. Am so low at the moment.

Naicehamhun · 07/06/2020 13:43

It is so hard. I am so done.
I am so sorry to everyone else feeling the same. I just wish I could give you all a hug.
I am a single parent to a 8 year old, working 40 hours a week from home. My job expects 100% productivity.
The school expects all work to be completed or sends daily snotty emails if anything is missed. They don't however do online lessons so it is all down to parents to teach this stuff.
I can't do this anymore.

TadlowDogIncident · 07/06/2020 13:50

I'm considering suicide. I've lost hope, my DD's mental and physical health is going downhill fast and her school is useless, my job is full on and not getting any easier. I'm trying to prop up members of my team who are sinking fast into depression. I have nothing to look forward to and I don't think DD will necessarily be able to bounce back from this even if school goes back in September, which is the best case scenario here. I wouldn't have had her if I'd known this was going to happen.

matchboxtwentyunwell · 07/06/2020 13:52

Just because your DH is a keyworker (which can mean a whole lot of different things, frankly), doesn't mean he doesn't also have responsibilities at home and with the DCs.

You need to talk to him about what you can both do to fix this.

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 13:54

@TadlowDogIncident please get some proper help if you feel that low Flowers

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poorchurchmouse · 07/06/2020 13:56

Where is Tadlow supposed to get proper help from? I was having counselling when all this started- cancelled with no date to resume. GP won’t see me. The NHS round here is closed.

Weekday28 · 07/06/2020 13:59

Yes I'm the same. Absolutely ruined from this. I was about one more shitty thing happening on Friday from quiting my job. Very very low at the moment.

I've let my kids sit on i pads this afternoon while I binge watch seeing bee. Husband has been working all weekends while covid has been around. Just very run down.

Littleblackdress04 · 07/06/2020 14:01

@poorchurchmouse am just trying to be supportive as don’t know the answer - Samaritans maybe? Are their lines still open?

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