DH got really angry saying he does so much for her and she can't do one small thing, he won't bother doing anything for her any more. He said some really unkind things.
OP, I have read all your updates, and your situation really resonates with me and also with my DD (20 years old).
I left my ex 3 years ago, also after 30 years. Your posts strongly suggest this is far from the first time your DH has been a jerk.
I left because he was abusive, and he also said similar things whenever someone refused to do something he asked.
From my DD: "Your DH is a horrible man and a coward not to even apologize in person. This is just how my abusive dad was, to everything, and it made me feel that everything he chose to do for me came with strings attached. He also stropped when I refused anything and he frightened me so much."
OP, your DH needs to understand that this isn't about the photo, but about he expecting his DD to do whatever he asks, without any respect for her autonomy. What if she'd been with a boyfriend, who said "he does so much for her and she can't do one small thing, he won't bother doing anything for her any more." and coerces your DD into sex acts she doesn't want to do.
I know he loves us but there have been several outbursts over the years and you can't unhear things despite apologies.
How do you know he loves you? For me, actions speak louder than words. My ex told everyone he loved me when I left, probably to put pressure on me. But his actions towards me when we were alone told a different story. I've never had a compliment, and I got serious unkind digs whenever I felt good about myself, or had achieved something great.
His behaviour is teaching your DD that she should be compliant and do whatever anyone else asks, and that's seriously crap.