To ask dp to conduct important meetings elsewhere

[Fedupmum13]

Dp and myself are both working from home with a 1 year old. She teething badly at the moment and typically most of the caring is being left to me. I have to do my work in the evenings and weekends or when she is sleeping basically.
It's a nightmare but everyone had to adapt etc.
We live in a 3 bedroomed house, but unfortunately no office space. As such DP is conducting his work on the kitchen table. Not a problem most if the time, except for when he has teams meetings. He probably had around 6 meetings a day, 5 of which are fairly informal and so if I come in to the kitchen with DD to feed her, or want to make myself lunch I'm not really interrupting much.
Dp has just shooed me out of the kitchen because I was making some tea (with DD in my arms) as he was having an important meeting with 6 others. After the call ended I asked if he could conduct important meetings in one of our bedrooms. He's just blown up at me and accused me of being unreasonable. Am I? I don't want to be effectively locked in the living room with DD when he has these meetings. They can last over an hour and it doesn't feel fair.
I had an important work meeting a few weeks back and I didn't hesitate in going upstairs. I've had a few others which I've done in the living room as they were casual, informal ones.
I wish I could just go and move in with my parents to be honest. Or for him to sod off to his dad's.

I'd be asking him to go and work in a bedroom permanently. Why is he downstairs confining the space you have to care for your child when there is space available upstairs?

He needs to blur the background and use a headset, then you can carry on as normal around him.

Tell him if the meeting is important not to hold it in the kitchen, because you will use the kitchen when you see fit.

Thank you.
A headset is a good idea. He's asked me for one for father's day, so I think I'll order one sooner rather than later.

No way, you should have free access to the kitchen. If he doesn't want interruptions he can move.

Thanks @DomDoesWotHeWants, I've just said to him I'm going to use the kitchen when I want and how I see fit. He's blown up at me again. Argh

Really, his employer should buy it.

@Earnsomething yes good point. I'll mention it to him when he's being less of a dick

Are you working ft from home too?

Tell him to piss off op.

Tell him to get online to amazon and get himself a headset and blue the background because your going to be using the kitchen when you need to and tell him he's being a selfish dick

If you have 3 bedrooms can he not make the spare into a temporary office for the duration of lock down/wfh?

Alternatively I agree with PP that he should blur the background if he's using Teams for video calls and put himself on mute when he's not actually speaking. It's unfair to restrict your use of the kitchen for his meetings.

He’s being very unreasonable. Also why are you doing most of the caring for the baby and fitting in your own work in the evenings?

You'll use your own kitchen when you fucking see fit, seeing as one of the reasons you might have to use itso much is that you're taking on his parenting responsibilities for him.

Next time he dares to try and shoo the other adult in the house out of the room, say 'Fine' and dump your DD in his lap and go out for a two hour walk. He wants you out of the way? No fucking problem!!!!

@MostlyHappyMummy yep, am working ft but you wouldn't think it! I went back to work for 2 days after maternity leave and then lockdown happened. So I've not changed much since maternity, except that every evening til 11pm I'm working. It's grossly unfair but I'm done arguing with him about it. I'm also the breadwinner but to look at us you'd think his job was more important. (equally important in my view).

All of our bedrooms are used.. Without being too outing he has another child who stays each week. So we need all bedrooms with beds. But he could still do work in one of them IMO

Why is he leaving the childcare to you? Last git...

I’ve just reclaimed our dining table but luckily I was able to clear out the toy room and make it into a study. Can he have a desk in the corner of a bedroom?
Dh’s calls were daily at 5-6.30pm so I could only cook quiet dinners! We ended up eating at 7.30pm which is rather late when dc usually go to bed at 7.30pm.
Your work situation sucks though. How many hours do you need to do? Why can’t dh look after dc while you work on a Saturday?

Get him a shed...

Just read your update and op you need to say no! Wtf are you doing accepting this long term!? In our house dh does most childcare so it can’t always be 50/50 however your set up is totally unbalanced.

He's being a dick. My husband is working from home in our bedroom, which is in the loft so the hottest room in the house, with his computer set up on top of a chest of drawers as there isn't room to put a proper desk and chair. He gets on with it without complaint because we have two children and they need unfettered access to the common areas of the house without being shushed all the time.

Your husband is an arsehole but I’m guessing you know that.

DH and I set up office space in our bedroom and we alternated time in there (3 hours each with flex for meetings) - we had to move stuff but I appreciate we have big bedrooms.

We share the childcare each day. He earns considerably more than me and I only do 4 days. Our jobs are equally important to both of us.

Why do you put up with it? There is no way you should be working until 11 and doing all childcare.

Also WFH, with DCs around. DH does shifts, and DD1 does online school with 'proper,' lessons, as opposed to DS who has work to do but not 'live,' although he mostly is on You Tube

The kitchen/back room is public area, so fine to work on kitchen table, but unreasonable for those working hushing people all the time if they need something from the kitchen.

If someone needs privacy/quiet, they go to a bedroom, or the front room. It's mostly musical rooms...

Also I had a hard night last night (chronic illness playing up) and I don’t work Fridays so obviously childcare falls to me today.

DH just popped down, made me tea and said he’d rearranged things so he could knock off early and I could have a rest.

That's ridiculous. You also need a childcare schedule as you are both working. Take turns to do the evening slots. Beware - this is the start of 'my job is more important'.

I agree with all of your comments.
He can be the biggest knob sometimes. Fortunately we aren't married as sometimes I do wonder why I put up with it all.
I've had multiple meltdowns since lockdown as I can't juggle my DD and FT work. It's impossible but I'm doing the best I can. He will sometimes take her for a bit for me to eat but that's about it. I suppose our job demands are different. I can prepare lots of my work at any time of day whereas he needs to be available during normal working hours IFYSWIM.
He should do more though but honestly it's not worth the arguments anymore. If he pissed off to his dad's I think I'd be happier but obviously that can't happen ATM.

He (and you) need an office area to work from undisturbed with a proper desk and office chair. Either in the spare room (in addition to the bed for step child) or in an area of your bedroom, or even in your baby's room (unless its needed for daytime naps.

It is really, really rude to walk in and interfere with someone's work meetings, and I'd be livid if my DH did that. That said, I wouldn't be selfish enough to base myself in one of the most used rooms in the house, and inconvenience all the other family members. So I can see why you are both cross and fed up.

Make it a priority to work together to set up a private work area this weekend so you both have somewhere private to do your work away from the rest of family life.