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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Female neighbour texting my DH every day

243 replies

RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 28/05/2020 23:57

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 29/05/2020 00:00

Why does she have his number?

Your DH should tell her he's at work and to pop over and ask you if she needs something.

What's his view on the messages? As how he deals with it, is really key.

User7764217 · 29/05/2020 00:02

I don’t think I’d mind as long as his responses are to the point

Mind you my neighbour is so far out of my husbands league so that’s probably why I wouldn’t mind 😂

CalmdownJanet · 29/05/2020 00:08

Maybe if you ask him to text back
"I'm at work, if you want to text op on , she's at home and might need something/have what you need", you'll probably get a good idea if she just wants to contact your husband but also if he keeps texting that back if she is interested she will surely get the hint after a few times

Disquieted1 · 29/05/2020 00:08

I assume that your neighbour is 95 years old and your husband offered to help out in these difficult times. If so, YABU.

If not, cut this off (at the balls) right now.

Mummyshark2019 · 29/05/2020 00:09

I had this. Crazy lady kept texting and calling my husband. She is so sad poor thing. Husband has had to resort to ignoring her and blanking her when he passed her. She never contacted me even though she has my number soon. Weirdo.

Flittingabout · 29/05/2020 00:10

Agree with the above. If she doesn't text the same to you then she has the hots for him.

If someone was doing this to me I would stop the contact because it isn't appropriate.

FizzyGreenWater · 29/05/2020 00:10

What’s his take on this?

Ideally you’d be in agreement. If one of you done any like it, it gets nipped.

Two ways- either he stops replying and just occasionally replies something like ‘Hi X do you want to text RobertSmith, she’s at home’, or

you swap phones. She texts. ‘Oh hi X, this is RobertSmith, I’ve got DH’s number for now as my phone’s out- long story- what do you want?’ And you keep it that way for quite a while 😁

If he thinks it’s all fine then that’s a different discussion

ImaPinkToothbrush · 29/05/2020 00:10

What does your husband think?

Lipz · 29/05/2020 00:14

Why does she have his number? Is he calling over to do 'odd jobs' for her? What does he even say? It's a little weird alright.

SandAndSea · 29/05/2020 00:17

I would either, do what @CalmdownJanet has suggested. Or, next time she messages, phone her straight back on his phone and speak to her so she knows that you and your DH are a team. I would just be really relaxed about it and maybe say that he's busy at the moment and asked you to call her back but it's probably best to call you about these things in future. (After that, don't answer unless you want to.)

Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2020 00:18

Your problem is with your husband. He should be putting an end to this nonsense.

JustStayHome · 29/05/2020 00:33

How are his responses back?

That's the important thing

Babymamamama · 29/05/2020 00:52

I would assume she fancies him, or something has gone on between them. But I’m quite a suspicious person.

MulticolourMophead · 29/05/2020 01:01

It's all down to your DH as to what happens.

If it's unwanted attention, he should be shutting it down, maybe by diverting her to you.

If his responses are more friendly, then he isn't shutting it down and she's feeling encouraged. Does he like her attention?

TheGirlWithAPrince · 29/05/2020 01:06

I would text back that his number is now yours and then if she asks for his dont give it as not.needed because she can text you ;) not that she will

SucculentCandle · 29/05/2020 01:09

< waits for someone to say "you don't have a neighbor problem, you have a DH problem" >

YourWinter · 29/05/2020 01:12

If you're at home and he's at work, and he's not telling the neighbour that's the situation so can she please ask you about borrowing stuff or shopping for you, I think that tells you quite a lot about who's being unreasonable.

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 29/05/2020 01:14

@SucculentCandle No need, you just said it Confused

Dougalthesyrianhamster · 29/05/2020 01:16

@RobertSmithdoesmyhair Is she at all flirty with him in person? For example, does she ignore you and speak directly to him? What is she like around you face to face?

FrankieDoyle · 29/05/2020 01:18

How old is the neighbour? Why hasn't your DH told her to contact you instead?

SucculentCandle · 29/05/2020 01:18

@Dougalthesyrianhamster as a quote, not as an overly-used mumsnet-ism something I would actually say and mean.

eeehbyegum · 29/05/2020 01:49

Nah not ok at all.
Ask your DH / DP to send a message that would stop contact. Help him craft it. Block number.

Also you message and say, I find it hard/ unusual/ odd etc you message my DH daily. Call her out.
Very odd predatory behaviour.

newusername2009 · 29/05/2020 01:58

I text my male neighbour. Not interested in him romantically but just get on with him better than with his wife.

Although I would not be texting everyday, that’s way too much

howlatthetrees · 29/05/2020 02:08

It’s a bit weird, what does your dh think??

Whataloadofshite · 29/05/2020 02:10

It's 2020, platonic friendships with the opposite sex are possible. Unless it makes your husband feel uncomfortable or she's flirting, then there's no reason to freak out.