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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Female neighbour texting my DH every day

243 replies

RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 28/05/2020 23:57

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

OP posts:
6079SmithW · 31/05/2020 03:00

You said you feel sick every time your DH’s phone pings - it’s obviously really upsetting you. What your neighbour’s intentions are is irrelevant. Just have an honest chat with your DH. He might have mentioned the messages in the first instance because he feels uncomfortable too and was looking for your opinion on how to react/respond.

FrankieDoyle · 31/05/2020 03:19

Totally inappropriate behaviour. YANBU at all.

Have the conversation.

Bunter888 · 31/05/2020 03:55

he will be thinking it's a good opportunity for a threesome

TreeTopTim · 31/05/2020 08:00

You need to have a chat with your dh about how it is making you feel.

Bl3ss3dm0m · 31/05/2020 10:43

Hi OP, I get the feeling that you would feel as if you are trying to be controlling, or that your DP would resent you for asking to see the texts and his replys. However you would not be being controlling at all to ask about texts he has already told you about, I think my husband would think I didn't care if I didn't ask under those circumstances! Do you feel at all unsure about your DP's love or commitment to you? After my first husband left me for a close work colleague and when I fell in love again, it took me years to feel confident enough of my new DH to actually treat him like my trusted best friend, and talk to him openly about my needs and worries, please don't waste your time if you are leading a half life with him, my relationship with my DH is so much better now. YANBU at all to be concerned about this woman's behaviour, but you should give your DP the chance to show that he is really only being a stereotypical male, in not realising this woman is flirting with him! If/when you see that he has not been responding in a way that will make her stop, please do what lots of others have suggested, and ask him to reply next time (and any subsequent times) with a friendly, "sorry we are really busy at work at the moment with so many people off, that it would be great if she could text you with her kind enquiries, as you are not so manic at your workplace at the moment". Flowers

TempestHayes · 31/05/2020 11:52

Weird neighbour is weird, and more importantly, your husband's reaction is weird. His disagreement and belief she is 'kind and thoughtful' for borrowing shit and deeming him incapable of getting his own shopping suggests he is enjoying the attention.

Fiveasidefootballfamily · 31/05/2020 12:35

You need to have trust or you will ruin a potentially good relationship. I would probably ask him if he thinks she might have the hots for him as no one needs shopping everyday. See what he says. Unless he is untrustworthy and has done anything in the past that makes you think he would cheat, you need to believe that he is just being friendly. If it looks like they are having any more contact or it escalates then address it with your husband.

londonscalling · 31/05/2020 12:46

When she next texts your husband you could reply with something like "DH
said you've texted him. As he's at work he's asked me to respond ...".

makingmammaries · 31/05/2020 12:52

Yup. I’d be ordering foot spray, anti-halitosis mouthwash and a pack of extra large condoms and hoping that put a stop to it.

FelicisNox · 31/05/2020 16:24

I read to about halfway through:

Firstly, you've said you're generally not a jealous personality but this makes you feel sick so either way, this needs nipping in the bud NOW.

Hopefully you have a good open relationship and you can tell DH it makes you uncomfortable: put it down to the frequency more than anything and ask how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Secondly, it actually sounds like she's being over helpful in the neighbour department but as others have said, why is she not texting you?

I know my neighbours quite well and as a point of protocol I would NEVER message my male neighbours; it would always be their wives so there is zero misunderstanding.

One of my newer neighbours did something suspect: my DH works for himself, she took his number off his van, got him over on the pretext of maybe ordering CCTV, decided she couldn't afford it but has continued to WhatsApp him.

I saw it, felt immediately uncomfortable and asked him how he would feel if the husbands of the street starting texting me random crap..... he understood ASAP and blocked her.... your DH doesn't need to block her but a simple "I'm not sure but wife's home so drop her a text" and repeat as necessary should get the message across.

For all those going "oh that's so controlling, men & women can be friends"...... get in the bin with ya, that is SO rarely the case.

FelicisNox · 31/05/2020 16:29

@eloquent so we can all safely assume then that you regularly text your neighbours husbands for all manner of useless shit and their wives love you for it?

Yeah right. Don't be such a bitch.

mooching · 31/05/2020 17:04

I also would find this weird. Firstly due to the volume (most days) and the fact that it is never you.

Yeahnahmum · 31/05/2020 17:23

Yanbu. Every day is beyond weird. Also.... If your husband is texting back everyday that's probably as weird...

Whataloadofshite · 31/05/2020 18:45

Christ, are people not allowed friends now?

Kathleen7yeates · 31/05/2020 20:27

Your gut has already told you what you suspect. Something is brewing or has already happened. Nip it in the bud, but I'd try and find out if it's already gone further.
I have first hand experience, bad feeling, put it aside after being told I was being silly, only to establish the followong week they'd agreed to meet up and have sex.
Confront him and get to the bottom of what is going on. Trust your gut, I wish I'd pushed harder, can't help but think I could have prevented it if I had pushed harder and trusted my gut. Block her number too!!

DeeCeeCherry · 01/06/2020 02:24

I have never seen the texts. He tells me about them, so I don't know what his replies are like

Facts that some posters are purposely ignoring in their haste to convince randoms how cool they are. Bosom buddies with their neighbours husbands, cheerily waving husbands off to put shelves up for hot number neighbours across the road. Yeah..Sure you all do🤣.

OP your Man has mentionitis about another woman. & She's forever texting him. Ask to see the texts or just ask him if he's anything to tell you about him & her

NeedToKnow101 · 01/06/2020 09:40

Op hasn't been back for ages.

Orchidflower1 · 01/06/2020 20:45

@RobertSmithdoesmyhair have you asked him yet about why he hasn’t stopped it op?

Hope things haven’t gone pear shaped op.

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