Female neighbour texting my DH every day

[RobertSmithdoesmyhair]

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

We had a spate of a woman we knew who got drunk on Friday evenings & would call me to ask what DH thought of her & then call him asking him what he thought of her & what I primarily came to say was cut this off now!

You don’t need a watsap group - you need to form clear boundaries.

Your dh is at work so it’s inappropriate she’s casually messaging him about random stuff whilst he should be concentrating and not being distracted by silly texts.

Your dh needs to stop enjoying the attention tbh he is encouraging her.

All he needs to do is ignore them. If he can’t do that he is part of the problem.

You clearly have an issue about it and your DH doesnt. So either tell her to cut it out and stop contacting him at work or say nothing

I’d reply asking her to pop to the pharmacy to pick up DH’s fungal foot cream, laxatives and charcoal tablets for his flatulence issues.

What is he responding? Is he shutting her down or being wishy-washy?

Is it really every day, OP? If so, I don't see how your DH thinks it's fine. It isn't.

I definitely think you need to talk to him, as it's completely inappropriate. You are completely in your right to express your concern. He should respect that.

He hasn't changed his behaviour at all, has he, OP? He's not become protective of his phone or anything?...

Your DH should reply to her texts with “Sorry - at work”. Whatever she asks. The obvious thing for her to do then would be to text you.

If she doesn’t text you or continues to text your DH, next time you see her say “Liz - glad I’ve seen you. DH says you’ve lost my phone number. Let me give you a call right now and you can re-save it in your phone”.

If she’s blatant enough to say she hasn’t lost your number, then just reply pleasantly “Oh, ok. Well, please could you text me about shopping/whatever as DH is working F/T and I’m at home. Thanks for thinking of us.”

Yeah no. Nopety nope. Wouldn’t have this at all. He needs to send one last text to her: “TBH Sue you’re better off texting (you) as I’m at work. Cheers”

He then ignores any future texts.

Next time she text's, you text her back either on your phone or your husband's say it's you and of course you could borrow/ can you pick up xyz from the shops so she knows you know. Then suggest the What's up group.

Op I remember when I was a teenager, the woman next door started 'popping in' every time she saw my mum's car wasn't in the driveway and dad's was. Often to ask for help to fix something or in the garden. She was also super nice to mum (mum wasn't daft, she had her card marked ). I remember hearing my dad say to her one day 'You know I don't mind helping out Janet but why do you always come when Beth isn't here?'. I didn't hear the reply but the visits stopped after that and she promptly ignored everyone from then on. My dad was a handsome chap and never could understand why there seemed to be quite a few recently single ladies in the 1970s who would give him the 'glad eye' as my mum said. He did look very cool in his beige safari suit.

OP, your DH needs to tell her not to text him as he finds it uncomfortable. It's not up to you, it's up to him to put a stop to it. Or if he doesn't want to do that he can change his number and say nothing.

I do like the suggestion of asking her to pick up really heavy things. Maybe combine with obscure/difficult items as well. Along with being offhand AND mentioning you every time so she knows you know.

Her: “Hi Jim! I’m off to Tesco is there anything you need?”

Your DH: “Yeah can you pick us up an extra large box of Daz, 24 litres of Evian and a couple of watermelons? Also RobertSmith says can you get her an avocado (not too ripe as she doesn’t need it for a couple of days) and some straws for the kids’ milkshakes (yellow please)”

You can of course substitute things you’d actually use. Be inventive. You might never need to do your own shopping again!

I think this is odd too, and I'm not the jealous/twitchy type at all.
The key thing is your dh's attitude and response. My husband, who's very friendly to people and always sees the best in their motives, would probably go along with it the first couple of times and then become perplexed and ask me my thoughts on why on earth she was continually texting him. We might probably agree between us to do something like for me to take on replying, so if she texted to his number, I would reply from mine until she got the hint.
If the doors and windows to your home (as in, your marriage) are tightly closed, she's less likely to be able to get in. Invite her in on your terms only.

Why does NDN have your DH's phone number in the first case?

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 I have some of my friends' husband's phone numbers too. I might message them once a year to thank them for a lift or something but I still have their number.

Agree with some PPs. She is deliberately seeking his attention and your DH (for some reason) is not drawing a line.
Completely agree with platonic F-M relationships but how many folks do you know text daily on the pretext of fetching items/picking things up?

Is NDN a friend though? I agree there is no issue with having friends' partners' phone numbers per se.

It definitely sounds as if NDN has some emotional attachment to OP's DH even if it's not reciprocated. Presumably, he's flattered by it at some level?

Send her a massive list of obsure items, like - 1 rake, 3 pairs of linen trousers, 2 cans of corned beef, 1 packet of arrowroot, 1 can of car oil, 2 frisbees (1 spare in case I lose the other)....etc.
She might get the message.
Otherwise, it's up to DH to ignore, ignore, ignore.

Is DH on board with your position on this or does he think it's all harmless and ok? How does he respond to her?

You could ask for her husbands number and then do the same with him. See if your husband and the other woman still feel this behaviour is ok when you're the one doing it.

The problem is with your husband
He needs to tell her it's too much. That is if he wants to ....

If she does it when you are together, he needs to say 'I'll ask DW now' or 'text DW', just to gage her and his reaction.

This isn't about female friends, this is ott and tgos doesn't happen unless she doesn't like you or she has an agenda.

No one texts, just, the opposite sex neighbour and not his wife over shopping, unless the DH runs the house or the wife is disabled etc. This isn't normal.

I've never known a situation like yours, in my 50+ years, were it hasn't gone on to the other party offering a lot more than shopping.

@NutellaOnButteryToast your username is making me hungry!!

I wouldn't like this at all. Personally a dismissive, 'we're alright for shopping but you can ask my wife if you want to make sure.' Or similar, then stop responding. Who the fuck texts a married opposite sex neighbour daily?!

It's a bit weird. We are buddies with lots of couples and the unspoken rule is that you always text the one who's of the same sex. It's not that anyone thinks that people of the opposite sex can't be friends, it's more the understanding and sensitivity around not wanting to make one's spouse think you've got a soft spot for another man/woman

@VenusTiger genius plan! Arrowroot is fecking impossible to get hold of