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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Female neighbour texting my DH every day

243 replies

RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 28/05/2020 23:57

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/05/2020 20:30

You sound like a right wet lettuce, op

scheffsm · 29/05/2020 20:37

I have never seen the texts. He tells me about them, so I don't know what his replies are like. As many of you have said, he is obviously not dismissing them, as she is carrying on.

Mmmm......
Ask to see the texts and see what his reaction is.
Hiding in plain sight - he tells you about the texts, he's being open and honest etcetc. Isn't it annoying that neighbour keeps texting me? etc.

PostcodeJack · 29/05/2020 20:45

I'm honestly failing to see the problem. Your neighbour offers to pick up some stuff at the supermarket. Saves you going out. Asks if you (household) have bits. Saves her going out. Seems thoughtful to you (household) and helpful to her (household). I text one neighbour a lot of days. And he me. He's gay and I'm not trying to turn him. His partner is also my friend but I generally don't text him. I also ask the husband on the other side if they need anything. Again, not trying to shag him. His number is higher in my contacts. They both text me too. I'm bewildered by why it's strange that you may have your ndn's number. And I live in London. Baffled

Igenixx · 29/05/2020 21:53

Why on earth wouldn't you see the texts? surely he was telling you because he wanted you to know. The logical thing to do would be to ask to see the texts and the replies he's sent. It's almost as if on the one hand you're trying to seem 'cool' and 'not bothered' by it, but on the other hand, it's really bothering you. You're sending mixed messages to your DH which you may live to regret. There's no shame in looking at the messages and letting him know exactly what you think.

Crunchymum · 29/05/2020 22:09

If my DP said "Sheila from across the roads just text and asked me if I wanted anything from the shops" my response would be "what did you reply?" Not accusatory, just a factual question.

In fact it would be the same question I'd ask everytime he told me what Sheila across the road had just messaged.

And he would have been told in no uncertain terms if I wasn't happy about any if it .

Why aren't you talking to him? Why aren't you asking the questions?

scheffsm · 29/05/2020 22:48

Why aren't you talking to him? Why aren't you asking the questions?

I'd hazard a guess she thinks she's not going to like the answers she gets.

ImaPinkToothbrush · 30/05/2020 01:13

There can't possibly be that many reasons for her to text him daily. Once a week when you're going to the shop maybe, but daily is weird.

Also why is he telling you? Does he complain about her? Does he think she's weird? If he's thinking the same as you then the simplest solution is what others have suggested here - next time she texts him a question, he passes it to you and you answer with "hi, DH passed your message on as he's busy at work / away so wasn't sure what we needed. Thanks ever so much, would you mind picking up a xyz?"

That will pour cold water over her.

maddy68 · 30/05/2020 01:16

Sounds like they're friends. Why do you think anything different?

ittakes2 · 30/05/2020 02:12

I have Male neighbours who are platonically very friendly with me - I just by chance see them more than their wives as they are out and about more. Their wives are also a bit frosty although I am sure their wives would say they are friendly - but they are not. If I had to or wanted to contact anyone I would contact the husbands for this reason. Everyday seems a bit much but with this lockdown she could be trying to be helpful.

timeisnotaline · 30/05/2020 02:38

You do need to tell him it’s weird. I’d be like ‘oooh she lurrvvesss you! She must sit there thinking gosh butt is sexier than my dh’s! I’ll have to check his out to see if she’s off her rocker or maybe yours is just much sexier. Even so she should really ditch him first before making her play. Poor form that. Grin’

LittlePeepoToy · 30/05/2020 07:07

Have you asked him what he’s replied op?

Orchidflower1 · 30/05/2020 07:13

Ask to see the texts. He’s covering himself by stating that it’s her.

Big girl pants on. Ask him or just look.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 30/05/2020 17:40

@Marilla27

Does she have any children? Have you had a good look at them? Is there any resemblance to your husband?

A couple of months ago I had the most terrible shock when I found that my neighbour two doors down had been buying little gifts for my Tommy. She told me that she often prepares nice things for him to eat and that he was round there on most days. I was destroyed. She said he likes spending time with her and that maybe he's not getting enough attention at home. He even has his own litter tray over there!

Try confiscating his phone and don't worry.

Crikey, I thought your Tommy was your child and breaking lockdown restrictions until I read "litter tray". I hope Tommy is a cat. :)
Sixlifetimesinone · 30/05/2020 17:51

Oh my neighbour is like this she probably wouldn’t think twice about asking my husband round to fix a shelf or equivalent, she’s a cute little feisty thing, and chats happily with my husband whenever she sees him.
I really like her though and I’m not the jealous type so wouldn’t ever have concerns.
Maybe if you get to know your neighbour better you might find out she’s also actually really nice and just isn’t texting you instead of your husband because she’s worried you don’t like her, or haven’t made effort to be neighbourly with her?

Try messaging her, you never know you could end up becoming great friends with your neighbour Smile

RosieEl · 30/05/2020 17:55

I’m sorry to hear this, I can imagine it would be really unsettling. I’d say go with your gut. If it feels off, speak to your husband & ask to see the texts.

I don’t think there’s a right thing to do here apart from honouring how you’re feeling & speaking to him. You’re totally within your right to lay out your boundaries. We’re all so different with different experiences & thoughts & feelings so do what’s right for you so you can take this off your list of things that are worrying you. Even if he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, it’s affecting you & so something needs to change.

Wishing you lots of luck xx

George441 · 30/05/2020 17:58

Hmm Wine Flowers

Aelthda82 · 30/05/2020 17:59

Too much for a neighbor. The volume of the texting is inappropriate. Distance from this woman is needed. Just tell DH to stop replying to all her texts. Tell her to go through you from now on as DH is WFH and is very busy with his work so best that she liaises with you. Shut this off.

EinsteinaGogo · 30/05/2020 18:28

We have WhatsApp group for neighbours such as this.. that way, any requests for favours, borrowing stuff etc goes to all parties.

Can you set up one between the four of you now?

Jeeperscreepers69 · 30/05/2020 19:02

Go over. Knock on her door and say. Do you want anything at the supermarket? Then drop in the convo. "dont worry about asking the hubby i work near a supermarket " if you want anything just let me no.

Celestine70 · 30/05/2020 19:03

I would start texting her things like.... DH says you don't mind picking a few things up can you get me x,y,z. Thank you '.

TriciaH87 · 30/05/2020 19:15

Start messaging her husband see how she reacts. Or tell her if your husband needs something he will ask you his wife.

Tistheseason17 · 30/05/2020 19:41

Tell your DH how you feel about her messages.

Igenixx · 30/05/2020 19:43

Start messaging her husband see how she reacts

She’ll probably love that since she seems to be more interested in OP’sGrin.

LittleMissMe99 · 30/05/2020 21:59

Yeah very inappropriate I think. Your husband should either not reply at all or just direct her to you.

eloquent · 31/05/2020 02:40

Omg how dare she text him, a male, instead of you, a female...
This clearly means she wants to fuck him.
/s/ 🙄

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