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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Female neighbour texting my DH every day

243 replies

RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 28/05/2020 23:57

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 29/05/2020 08:26

We have a neighbour's WhatsApp. A couple of my neighbours, one part we has a smart phone and the other doesn't so they'll share an account.

Depends on so many things as to whether YABU or YANBU. Need more context.

Lynda07 · 29/05/2020 08:27

You're not unreasonable, it's weird though she probably means no harm. Why not suggest to her that she contacts you instead of your husband? Maybe she has his 'phone number and not yours.

Laiste · 29/05/2020 08:28

Next time I saw her husband I’d maybe just say , hey will you say thanks to “Jane” “bob” says she’s messaging him for bits and pieces (Or whatever) , as he’s at work and really busy tell her to give me a shout as I’m always happy to help

Involve the husband! That surely wins.
I'm impressed

Apple1029 · 29/05/2020 08:28

My dh would tell her to ask me and nip this 'kindness' in the bud as I am the one who is home so I would know if we need anything.

SimpleKindofLife · 29/05/2020 08:30

It's weird!

Have a chat with your DH in a non-accusatory way. Ask him if he would feel comfortable about the neighbour's DH texting you everyday? Tell him you think it's a bit odd.

I think the suggestion from others that he messages her saying he's busy at work so message you instead or to check with you about shopping is a good tactic. Or "hang on, let me just check with @RobertSmithdoesmyhair" etc.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2020 08:30

Agree with everyone - your DH needs to clearly say she needs to direct any questions/requests at you from now on.

Sparklingplasters · 29/05/2020 08:30

if you have her number reply on your phone with a breezy message saying that don’t need anything from the shops but thank you, if its all innocent it Could widen up the friendship, invite her around for a coffee next week in your garden and you may have the foundation of a lovely friendship group? If it’s not innocent then watch responses of your DH and neighbour?

However I do have a male colleague, who works from home a lot (IT sales) who is shagging his neighbour, was quite open about it, his DW doesn’t know, he is using dog walking to get out of the house to see her during lock down.

wallywonker · 29/05/2020 08:30

She sounds like a loon.

How is he replying? I think that will dictate where this is going.

Starcup · 29/05/2020 08:33

See it’s shit like this that can be the start of affairs. Someone crossing the boundaries!

I don’t think this is the case for you OP as your DH has told you about the messages but by the sounds of it, if he liked her and was the type to stray them it’s a perfect opportunity.

That’s not to say it will always result in an affair but most people know the line and chose to cross it. Some people maybe just do it for the thrill or attention but that’s weird as well.

Why can’t she text you if she has your number? Straight away that screens to me she does like your DH a bit too much. I would back off from the friendship tbh.

They aren’t established friends. He has no loyalty to her. If I was you I’d suggest he either point blank ignores her from now on or as a pp suggested- get him to say ‘just at work, if you text my wife she’s home’

You’re definitely NBU. She’s clearly attention seeking and thrill seeking.

Although none of this stands if she’s in her 70’s lol

incognitomum · 29/05/2020 08:35

WhatsApp or you replying is way forward. I would not put up with this.

MargotB7 · 29/05/2020 08:37

You’re definitely NBU. She’s clearly attention seeking and thrill seeking.

I agree with this and I like the idea of involving her Husband.

Every day is weird.

SimpleKindofLife · 29/05/2020 08:37

Or DH could set up a WhatsApp group with all of you on there. And reply to any messages from there! Grin

Orchidflower1 · 29/05/2020 08:39

Yep either make a what’s app group or get dh to text her and say “ I’m at work can you ask my wife”

LEELULUMPKIN · 29/05/2020 08:40

Apologies if I have missed it but how and why does she have his number in the first place OP?

How old is she? What is her family set up?

TomNook · 29/05/2020 08:41

Fucking posted and ran. Grr

Original poster
RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 29/05/2020 08:42

She has my number. We have texted once or twice.

OP posts:
LEELULUMPKIN · 29/05/2020 08:45

So is she texting your dh via your phone?

Finewine1976 · 29/05/2020 08:45

If she texts him today then tell him to ask her to text you as he is busy.
Its not unreasonable I would just say it to my DH- "tell her to text me" I'd say she was after him.

babysoon3 · 29/05/2020 08:46

I’d just block say to your Dh you want his phone for a minute and block her number tell him why and forget about her if she wants anything that much she can text you

MRex · 29/05/2020 08:48

It's hard to know without knowing the people involved. A neighbour emails, texts or calls round for my DH pretty much every day, sometimes multiple times per day. But he's an older bloke who's just bored in lockdown.

Just reply from your phone to a couple of messages, then she'll see they're seen as "joint", that should be enough to see off any potential misconceptions but without making it weird if she's just genuinely friendly.

Starcup · 29/05/2020 08:48

@LEELULUMPKIN

So is she texting your dh via your phone?

No- she’s texting OP’s DH, even though she does have OP’s number. She’s choosing not to text OP though even though she could answer the questions better

DitheringBlidiot · 29/05/2020 08:50

Missing the point entirely here, but why is OP better to advise on what they need than (presumably her) DP? Because she has a vagina or because she is at home?

Your husband doesn't seem to want the texts, so surely he's just texting back "no thanks" not sure why he should be referring back to the fact he has a wife. This is the bullshit that women have to put up with for men to leave them alone, let's not normalise it further

tiredanddangerous · 29/05/2020 08:51

Next time she texts him from the supermarket DH should ask her to buy a bunch of flowers and big box of chocolates for his darling wife. And a big box of condoms.

SimpleKindofLife · 29/05/2020 08:51

OP, what do you think you'll do? Lots of great suggestions on this thread.

bananafish · 29/05/2020 08:51

It is slightly strange and if it is making you uncomfortable, then time to address it. I don’t think there’s any need to go in guns blazing, just get your DH to set up the WhatsApp group as suggested.
The thing that is a bit odd is the exclusive nature of the communication, so if you widen it out, then problem solved.
If she keeps it up after that...
...well, then you know you’ve got a problem.