Female neighbour texting my DH every day

[RobertSmithdoesmyhair]

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

It is a bit weird!
I barely interact with my neighbours though.

If I were you I'd be tempted to reply from his phone like: This is [OP], DH is a bit busy at the moment, thanks!

But I'm a passive aggressive person sometimes.

She may have no bad intentions at all, I find myself extremely bored by not being able to go out so I'm chatting on the phone a bit. But it's a little weird.

Re: supermarket shopping. Text back (you); wow yes please! 5kg spuds, extra large loo rolls, 5kg rice, mega pack cornflakes, multipack beans and 10 carry packs of mineral water - thanks so much!

Honestly here's how it would go down here:

I'd tell DH it was pissing me off (he'd feel the same if the roles were reversed and he'd say so as well).

I'd then get DH to let me know as soon as she texts him next and I'D text her straight away to say that my DH has just texted me to ask her what she wants. To say he's busy at work. She should be suitably embarrassed to find you've both been talking about her and he's had to ask you to deal with her.

My elderly male neighbour texts me rather than DH - and added me on SM! I think I am just more friendly 🤔.

Not every day though - that is weird

I need way more information before I can vote OP. You need to give us a bit of background such as why does she have his no? Do you see her as or could she be a potential threat?

So many questions to be answered first.

6 months?

I am not a jealous person but daily is weird I don't even text my mother that much

Under those circumstances, yes, I would find it odd that she chooses to text him daily (but you never), especially when she probably knows you're currently at home and better placed to answer questions about whether or not you need anything from the shops.

I would probably at least mention to your husband that you wonder why she's doing this-- that you find it odd and ott and wonder why she only texts him in her efforts at "kindness".

She may not mean anything by it, but you're not wrong to notice and wonder why.

I text my male neighbour (x2 doors away) and not his wife . The are both shielding and each day, before going on my walk / bike ride, I let them know which shop I can go to and ask if they would like anything. He also send me funny memes and I reciprocate. I don’t think I am being unreasonable - but should I be only same sex texting his wife?

I hadn't seen her as any kind of threat. We chat out the front when we cross paths and get on well.
The texting thing started when lockdown did. Initially, I thought she was being friendly, but now wonder why she never texts me.
Now, every time his phone pings, I feel sick!

Nope nope nope world of nope.
There is something not right there and if it’s making you uncomfortable it is not ok.

I personally think the issue here is the volume of the texts.Also what do they say are they general chat,any flirty undertone?

We have a good friendship with another couple and it’s always the DH and me that communicate. It’s more likely every couple of months, but twice in lockdown.

Everyday, weird.

I guess it depends. If he wfh all the time (ie before Covid) and sees her around and about to say hello or have a chat, then maybe it’s just friendly.

At the end of the day if you’re strong and comfortable in your relationship it should be nothing to worry about. If your hubby is uncomfortable with the regularity of the texts he can block her.

I personally wouldn’t see it as a big deal but then I don’t have the energy to get wound up by things like that -primarily because you can’t control her behaviours or feelings, only yours.

I would text her and say nicely that she is busy working so in future can she aim all her kind and generous offers of help towards you, thank you very much!

Daily texting seems a bit odd whatever the circumstances. As to it being directed at your DH I think it depends on the group dynamic. If he is particularly gregarious, the kind of person who would say: "text whenever you need anything!" she has perhaps taken that lead. I would do as PPs have suggested and get him to pass on your number with a suggestion she contact you.

On the other hand, if it's primarily offers to pick up shopping, maybe she's texting a group of people (family, other neighbours?) daily, and once she started with your husband's number, it's just been quicker and easier to click on his name reach time since, rather than scrolling to find yours in order to alternate (if her recent contacts are at the top of the list). Maybe she assumes he'll pass things along to you, when pertinent.

It could be entirely innocent and not even some sort of snub against you, in that case.

Assuming she’s aware you’re furloughed, I think it’s weird she’s texting the working person about shopping etc. It’s just not very logical.

I agree with answering politely and breezily from your phone along the lines of, “Hi. DH mentioned that you need stuff from the supermarket, what can I get for you?” If she is romantically interested in your DH this will show that he’s talked about her texts, that she has failed to establish a clandestine means of communication with him, and that he’s therefore uninterested. It’ll bring her down to earth with a bump, without causing a scene or any awkwardness.

@Bakedbrie 😂😂😂 love the “mineral water”, thrown in for good measure.

If she contacts him whilst at the supermarket, get him to put in a request for strawberries, champagne, chocolate and a bunch of flowers for his lovely wife!

Every day is weird. It's also weird that she doesn't text you as well. Would you say that DH is more extroverted than you OP? I only ask as I have a group of couple friends and they often message me more than my DH because I'm louder. That being said, it's still weird.

Set up a WhatsApp group with all four of you...and start by putting 'I thought it would be helpful to have a group chat so we can help each other out during these tricky times...' or something along those lines.

Will give her zero excuse to be messaging DH directly :)

I wouldn’t ask DH to tell you next time she texts so you can deal with it as he might feel you’re overreacting (you’re not)

Next time I saw her husband I’d maybe just say , hey will you say thanks to “Jane” “bob” says she’s messaging him for bits and pieces (Or whatever) , as he’s at work and really busy tell her to give me a shout as I’m always happy to help

Or, say it to her ?

@Meadows20. I like the WhatsApp group idea!

....and a family pack of Durex (for the wife) - something for the weekend 😉

Was just about to say exactly what @Meadows20 has - set up a WhatsApp group. If her requests are genuine and with no ill intent then she’ll be happy for everyone to be able to see them.