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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Female neighbour texting my DH every day

243 replies

RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 28/05/2020 23:57

I'm furloughed, so at home every day. DH working FT. Female neighbour texts my DH every day while he is at work- can I borrow something, do you have..., I'm in the supermarket, do you want anything etc...She never texts or asks me! AIBU to feel uncomfortable with this?

OP posts:
Whataloadofshite · 29/05/2020 02:17

If there's no flirting on either side and it's just a friendship that your husband is happy to have, but YOU'RE the one taking issue, that's you trying to be controlling.

I've got several close mates that I text with every day that are blokes and there's no funny business, and yeah I have a boyfriend. He has several opposite sex friends and there's no weirdness or freaking out.

If a bloke turned up here and said the same thing, unless there was flirting or funny business going on, he'd be told he was controlling. You can be friends with people who aren't the same sex, to things it's always dodgy is totally ridiculous.

Marilla27 · 29/05/2020 02:51

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NeutrinoWrangler · 29/05/2020 02:55

Have the two of them had reasons to see one another/interact/socialise more than she has with you? Is there any reason for her to be friendlier with him than she is with you? If not-- if she knows/has spoken to each of you roughly the same amount (minus all these extra text sessions she's initiated), I'd be suspicious of her.

NeutrinoWrangler · 29/05/2020 03:00

Oh yes... and if your husband hasn't indicated that it might make more sense to contact you (about shopping, for example), I might be suspicious of him, too. (Assuming she's of an age to be attractive to him.)

How exactly did you find out about these daily texts?

TylluanBach · 29/05/2020 03:15

Does he reply?

If not a simple 'who is this?'

SucculentCandle · 29/05/2020 03:51

How long has this been going on, OP?

MsDogLady · 29/05/2020 04:22

This is inappropriate. She is pursuing his attention daily and he is not shutting her down. It sounds like she has a crush and he may be enjoying the ego boost. He could easily redirect her to you.

Please provide more detail, OP. How has he been responding to her? What is he saying to you about the situation? How and how often do they interact in person?

Persiaclementine · 29/05/2020 04:27

Seems a bit over familiar for a neighbour

rwalker · 29/05/2020 06:22

WOW some very controlling replies here

DeeCeeCherry · 29/05/2020 06:40

It's inappropriate.

'Controlling' has to be the most over-used word on MN right now.

Daily is excessive. Any woman that texts a man that much wants his thoughts on her. Having opposite sex friends is no big deal I'm sure a lot of us have them. Texting them every day several times a day tho, and offering to go shops etc..? Why so needy?

Would your DH mind if a male neighbour text you every day?

If she's still texting daily he must be ok with it even though he may pretend to you he's not so, you'll have to have it out with him.

Bleepbloopblarp · 29/05/2020 06:41

There’s not much info in your OP to go on...

PatsyJStone · 29/05/2020 06:44

I text our neighbour (husband), but not daily. This is because he gave his number first, for some reason, and I don’t have his wife’s. However, we all get on well, not in each other’s pockets, and messages are all about questions, help, neighbourhood issues etc. I am quite sure his wife knows, (as there has been milk borrowed and other things, more recently), as does my husband, and no-one has any concerns, and there isn’t any reason to be concerned.

I’d say something casually about how hubby is at work and she should feel free to contact you instead, maybe.
It may be annoying. But if everything is in the open, and there isn’t any flirting, you shouldn’t be concerned.

BrexpatInSwitzerland · 29/05/2020 06:52

How old is she? And what type of person?

Something a bit like this happened to a friend of mine. Neighbour would ask for him to help out with this and that, mostly DIY stuff, and obviously utterly adored him. In that instance, though, the neighbour in question also clearly disliked my friend's wife and would contact her, too. But it would be to complain about how noisy the kids or the dog were, how the laundry had been hung on the wrong half of the (shared) line, etc. She very clearly had a major crush on my friend and was violently jealous of his wife.

But also: the neighbour in question was in her eighties and there was no way in hell that she was going to be a threat in any way, shape or form to the wife.

Wife still hated her - understandably so given the neighbours behaviour - but I'd hazard a guess that she wasn't too concerned about her husband leaving her and moving in next door.

HidingFromDD · 29/05/2020 06:52

I’ve got one number for my neighbours, and vaguely remember that it’s ‘his’ not ‘hers’. Are the messages definitely aimed at your DH or are they more generally for both of you?

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 29/05/2020 07:07

I had the same thing with my neighbour. We gave our elderly neighbour (who’s adult daughter lives at home with her) our numbers in case of difficulties with the pandemic. The daughter started messaging my husband (over small and insignificant things) but she never messaged me. After the third message a week, I replied to her using my husbands phone. She hasn’t got back in touch since.

LittlePeepoToy · 29/05/2020 07:12

Depends on different factors

LittlePeepoToy · 29/05/2020 07:14

Sorry posted too soon!
Depends on different factors- does she ever msg you, does your Dh always msg bk, her age and situation?
I’d definitely reply on your dh’s today gone as others have said- especially if it’s making your Dh uncomfortable.

Shelby2010 · 29/05/2020 07:18

What is your DH’s take on this? I’d be annoyed at someone texting me that much whilst I’m at work.

The best way to deal with it is for him to reply ‘ I don’t know if we need anything, I’ll get OP to call you’ & forward the texts to you to reply. If she’s just being neighbourly but is shy of you then no harm done.

lifestooshort123 · 29/05/2020 07:32

If your husband is totally open with you about the messages then there isn't a problem. Any contact with someone else that is clandestine you need to worry about. If you make a fuss about it (as suggested by some on here) then he might suggest you have trust issues. You could ask him for her number and ask her is she wants anything from the supermarket - right back at ya!

SecondaryBurnzzz · 29/05/2020 07:33

I think it's weird tbh. DH should be saying to her when she texts, not sure, I'm at work can you ask 'RobertSmith'.

rainbowlou · 29/05/2020 07:37

Did you have suspicions and found the messages or has your husband been open about them?
A lot depends on that and how he is responding to her.

Original poster
RobertSmithdoesmyhair · 29/05/2020 07:46

She has a DH. We all have each others numbers as we are fairly friendly with them, although I have never texted her DH! We moved into our house 6 months ago, so a fairly new friendship.
I know about the texts because my DH tells me. He thinks she is being 'kind'...He
I haven't commented to him about them, as I wasn't sure if I was BU and suggesting that he can't have female friends. These replies would mainly suggest that I'm not though!

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 29/05/2020 07:50

Its weird because if she to borrow stuff / be helpful the default assumption would be to contact you.

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 29/05/2020 07:53

Nope. All the nopes.

I'm not a jealous person, but this is not ok.
It's also not normal.

And id have no problem in telling her to stop.

WhatWouldPennyDo · 29/05/2020 07:56

Seems a bit weird for her to text so regularly, and depends on the tone. That said, if it were happening with my husband I’d prefer for him to deal with it (whether responding to shut it down or answer her questions) rather than deferring to me because it happened to be about shopping etc.