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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- MIL!!

184 replies

Needsomehope · 21/05/2020 16:49

Looking for some perspective!

I have a newborn. MIL lives next door, and DH works with DFIL etc so for the purposes of lockdown we are ‘one household’ (decision made by my DH I wouldn’t of said we are but hey ho!)

Last night I lost it with MIL who keeps walking into our house unannounced. She will chap the door, and then if I don’t answer, she comes in and starts shouting ‘hello hello’.

The first couple of times I was annoyed but let it go and DH asked her to text me if she was planning on coming round as one of the times she work our baby that I had just spent an hour settling to sleep.

She did this again yesderday, turning up, unannounced, chapping the door that I ignored, and then walked straight in through our kitchen and through our house, shouting ‘hello hello’ again waking our baby up, just when I needed her to nap so I could make supper. I was visibly angry with her and was very short, she left very quickly when i made it obvious she was bothering us at a bad time.

Since having our baby she has made zero effort to help us out with any housework, cooking, gardening or even asked how I am. We don’t really have a relationship (positive or negative) but this is now swinging it towards a negative one.

AIBU that I should expect a text before coming round? Or that if I don’t answer the door she shouldn’t come in?

Should I expect more from her?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 21/05/2020 16:50

Why would you choose to live next door to your ILs?? YANBU btw

YouTheCat · 21/05/2020 16:52

Get a bolt and make plans to move.

frazzledasarock · 21/05/2020 16:53

I was thinking exactly the same as codenamevillanelle.

Maybe now your MIL be more polite or stay away unless her son is home.

And YANBU

SpookyNoise · 21/05/2020 16:53

Lock the door.

lovesdaisy · 21/05/2020 16:53

YANBU this would drive me mad, lock the door?

Pipandmum · 21/05/2020 16:54

Lock the door.

Duckduckduck123 · 21/05/2020 16:55

Lock the door...

Gazelda · 21/05/2020 16:55

Absolutely lock the door. If she complains, be honest with her that impromptu visitors were disturbing the baby's sleep and routine. She can't argue with that.

blancheduboiss · 21/05/2020 16:56

Hopefully she’s got the message now, but if not, tell her to text first or else the door will be locked.

CurlyEndive · 21/05/2020 16:56

This would drive me insane but, to be fair to MIL, all families are different and maybe it would be ok for her if her parents or in-laws did it.

I would ask DH to have a strong word with her. Or start locking the door?

RenegadeMrs · 21/05/2020 16:57

YANBU. All my relatives text before comimg round, even the onea that live 10 mins away.

The only one who suggested she could just 'pop round whenever' thankfully lives 140 miles away!

Maybe now you've been cross with her she will have a rethink.

Fleamaker123 · 21/05/2020 16:57

Keep the door locked... but then it sounds like she would just keep knocking. Sit her down and tell her not to just call in whenever she fancies. Or better still get DH to do it.
I think I would have to move house, I couldn't stand it.

SunbathingDragon · 21/05/2020 16:57

She is BU unless her son has told her to come in after knocking. Realistically you know she comes in so can’t be surprised that she does so when you ignore her. You need to do something to stop her coming in and a deadlock should be effective enough.

debbs77 · 21/05/2020 16:57

You have every right to be angry at the intrusion, but not by the lack of help x

Nymeriastark1 · 21/05/2020 16:57

YANBU about her walking in the house, lock the door, speak to your husband and tell him it stops now. Why do you live next door to them? Don't put up with it, it's weird. But just to say she is under no obligation to do any cooking or cleaning for you. For that YABU.

Parky04 · 21/05/2020 17:00

The thought of living next door to my own mother let alone MIL fills me with dread!!

frazzledasarock · 21/05/2020 17:00

I didn’t read the explanation of the MIL not being involved in the household as a complaint I took it as an explanation as usually on these threads people suggest giving family chores. This MIL isn’t there to help OP out, she’s there to pass the time.

ArnoJambonsBike · 21/05/2020 17:01

I can see that "lock the door" is going to be the new "cancel the cheque".

But seriously, lock the lazy ignorant fucker out.

Mittens030869 · 21/05/2020 17:01

Definitely lock the door. I would absolutely hate that kind of arrangement, I wouldn't like it any more if it was my DM either. It's a real intrusion IMO.

ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 21/05/2020 17:05

What's chapping?

I assume it's knocking, but I've never heard of it before.

If you can't lock the door, block it, or put things in her path. Like a mantrap

Dreamersandwishers · 21/05/2020 17:09

Prosecco, chapping is knocking where I am from in Scotland. Not heard it in a while but my Dad always used it.

OP, as others say, lock her out and if it’s feasible, move.

crimsonlake · 21/05/2020 17:11

I do not see why you think she should help you with cooking, housework or gardening, but I agree you need to set ground rules regarding walking in uninvited.

MorganKitten · 21/05/2020 17:12

Since having our baby she has made zero effort to help us out with any housework, cooking, gardening or even asked how I am.

I can see why not asking how you are bothers you but I do t know why you expect her to help with your housework etc?

LST · 21/05/2020 17:12

I live across the road from my mum. Love it. But we are very close. She knocked on with a aperol spritz the other night..

But in this situation, if it is unwanted, just lock the door.. put a note on if baby is asleep

handbagsatdawn33 · 21/05/2020 17:17

So a burglar, or a mad axe-murderer could also walk in to your unlocked house?